Blessed Rolando Rivi
(This is one painting I actually like.)
I love to write about how I never fit in - never have - never wanted to.
So I say. Some of the torment in my life has been a secret desire to fit in - to even be normal. Yet when I tried, or found a 'space' to do that in - I couldn't stand it. I couldn't carry it off for very long. I think my 'inability' to do so, has been a sort of disability. It's been a difficult life. I think I'm finally comfortable with not fitting in - but I can't be sure.
When I was a little kid I wanted to be poor like the saints - and we were poor - but I didn't know it.
Later I wanted to suffer like the artists and poets - and I did - but I didn't know it.
So anyway - I've been investigating some of the post impressionists and their lives - their weirdness. I'm not on their level of course - but I felt better about my own work - it's weirdness. It's been a way for me to sort through many things in my life and thought. It's been a way to document what happened. I used to be ashamed of many paintings because they were so representative of things normal people do not talk about. In many instances, they contradict their expectations of what life should be, what religious experience should be, and so on.
Anyway - I think I've finally finished 3 works. I just need to photograph them - but I don't have a very good camera and lighting may not be very good now that it is autumn.
All three works were shown before - so the finished works will be familiar. The one I like best is my version of The Secret of Fatima. The next one is like it - The Dream - about the corruption in the Church - which may or may not be related to Fatima. Finally, Ven. Matt Talbot. Last night I noticed it needed a bit more glazing, so I hope to finish it in a day or two. I might still do another version of Talbot - not sure. I've never spent so much time on a painting as I've done on these three.
It's not great art, to be sure - just the best I can do.
I think I'm okay with that.