Thursday, October 20, 2016

Outsider art and a difficult life ...

Blessed Rolando Rivi
(This is one painting I actually like.)

I love to write about how I never fit in - never have - never wanted to.

So I say.  Some of the torment in my life has been a secret desire to fit in - to even be normal.  Yet when I tried, or found a 'space' to do that in - I couldn't stand it.  I couldn't carry it off for very long.  I think my 'inability' to do so, has been a sort of disability.  It's been a difficult life.  I think I'm finally comfortable with not fitting in - but I can't be sure.

When I was a little kid I wanted to be poor like the saints - and we were poor - but I didn't know it.

Later I wanted to suffer like the artists and poets - and I did - but I didn't know it.

Kinda sorta.

Weird, huh?

So anyway - I've been investigating some of the post impressionists and their lives - their weirdness.  I'm not on their level of course - but I felt better about my own work - it's weirdness.  It's been a way for me to sort through many things in my life and thought.  It's been a way to document what happened.  I used to be ashamed of many paintings because they were so representative of things normal people do not talk about.  In many instances, they contradict their expectations of what life should be, what religious experience should be, and so on.

Anyway - I think I've finally finished 3 works.  I just need to photograph them - but I don't have a very good camera and lighting may not be very good now that it is autumn.

All three works were shown before - so the finished works will be familiar.  The one I like best is my version of The Secret of Fatima.  The next one is like it - The Dream - about the corruption in the Church - which may or may not be related to Fatima.  Finally, Ven. Matt Talbot.  Last night I noticed it needed a bit more glazing, so I hope to finish it in a day or two.  I might still do another version of Talbot - not sure.  I've never spent so much time on a painting as I've done on these three.

It's not great art, to be sure - just the best I can do.

I think I'm okay with that.


  1. I like your art. I hope you never stop trying either. ^^

    Did you see the painting the Augustinian Recollect brothers gave our Holy Father? It is a painting of him holding the Christ child. Our Lord Jesus is dressed as a refugee child.

  2. Yes: it's all about..the best you can do Terry, isn't it. We can't give up: it can be so easy to do so, and one can't...deny one's very nature, one's very own ... 'singular' being, Given To You By God, for His Joy - perhaps, not for Your joy, Your peace, Your fitting in: but because Christ loves you so much that he wants you all for himself, at least right now. All those times you gave Christ great company when you suffered - so much important than that the oh-so-longed for warmth and companionship of belonging to Mankind. I know about that, too. it is very painful, like always being forgotten, or denigrated.
    God's gifts: sometimes don't you think Terry His Gifts: the most important ones, are So heavy, hard to carry, impossible to open, painful to bear.


Please comment with charity and avoid ad hominem attacks. I exercise the right to delete comments I find inappropriate. If you use your real name there is a better chance your comment will stay put.