Late last night, I searched for other old friends. Family and friends and friends who had been my family. I found several and looked in on them without saying anything. I looked at their photos and their parties and saw them on their trips. I saw their families; parents, kids, friends, weddings, Las Vegas trips, on and on. Many people - most of them - I haven't seen in 10, 20, even 30 years. I still recognized them. They all looked good, happy, fit - just like I remember them.
Some of these people I walked away from - some I ran from - some just disappeared. Again, it's not that I didn't love them. I was working on a project - that's still not finished. Like the poem. If we got together, it wouldn't make sense at this point. I really do not have anything new to tell them. It would be useless to explain to them that they were mistaken as to why I left or what went wrong or why I couldn't stay. They wouldn't believe how much I miss them - but we live so far apart - although they remain deeply in my heart.
The Art of Disappearing
When they say Don't I know you?
When they invite you to the party
remember what parties are like
Someone telling you in a loud voice
they once wrote a poem.
Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.
If they say We should get together
It's not that you don't love them anymore.
You're trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.
When someone recognizes you in a grocery store
nod briefly and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven't seen in ten years
appears at the door,
don't start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.
Walk around feeling like a leaf.
Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time. -Naomi Shihab Nye
Maybe I can write more about it someday.