Total Consecration

Bad Catholic

I'm bad again.

Story of my life, I guess. 

I disagree with those who claim the Pope is a heretic, so I think that puts me far outside the conventional Catholic clique.  I watched EWTN last night and even Fr. Fessio has joined the protest and obviously supports the recent letter asking for an inquisition of Pope Francis.  (The letter details all the problems the signatories have with the Pope.)  EWTN is not my 'parish' nor my source for Catholic teaching, so that's fine.

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being an outsider.

I have been an outsider since early childhood - beginning in Catholic school.  The fact my mother divorced and remarried to my dad posed some difficulties, and in hindsight I think this may have been the reason the sisters maybe treated me harshly, passed over me, and so on.  Likewise, the family situation was known to classmates who said my parents were going to hell and things like that.  It wasn't so bad however, since it moved me to prayer for my parent's salvation and instilled a spirit of penance in me as a young child.  Which made me weird. :)

As an adult I've lived with suspicion, misunderstanding, pretty much because of my 'singleness' and living arrangement.  Thus my fidelity to Catholic teaching has always been questioned by other devout Catholics.  It's fine.  I think it has led to a greater detachment and recognition of my need to avoid seeking affirmation and praise.  It also kept me from an active participation in church/parish  activities

I could detail all the stuff which puts me outside Catholic factions.  I'm a traditional Catholic but not Trad, for instance.  I think several Catholics on social media are extremists and self-promoters.  They engage in seemingly endless fights, viciously critical of one another if they happen to disagree or support the wrong person, and so on.  Negative labels are handed out to anyone who may oppose them.  It's good not to be part of that.  It is also the reason why I used to delete 'Friends' on my site - I pretty much did it before they could 'unfriend' me. 

Seriously, it's good to be an outsider.  My favorite saints were as well.  So there just may be a place for me with them in Heaven. 

One day Abba Daniel and Abba Ammoes went on a journey together. Abba Ammoes said, ‘When shall we, too, settle down, in a cell, Father?’ Abba Daniel replied, ‘Who shall separate us henceforth from God? God is in the cell, and, on the other hand, he is outside also.’ - Sayings of the Desert Fathers