About the Blog

Non sequitur.

Shortly after I began blogging, I started to write about Catholic teaching regarding sexuality and marriage, especially as it affected gay Catholics.  Gay Catholics who accepted Catholic teaching and determined to follow Christ.  I stressed fidelity to the sacraments, prayer and frequently made suggestions on how to do that, especially for adults whose conversion experience happened within the framework of a relationship, a friendship.  Over the years, my posts became more candid and I was able to reveal more of my private life and experience.

I always promoted Courage Apostolate as a support for gay people who sought to sanctify their lives by living chastely and faithfully to Catholic teaching.  I believe it is a very solid program and one that is approved by the Church.  I always believed one could live the same discipline on their own, especially if guided by a spiritual director/confessor, living chastely, engaging in the practice of prayer, mortification and works of charity, supported by frequent reception of the sacraments.  That said, I believe there are other groups, other ways for people who may not find a place in Courage.  

Some people may not need a support group, ordinary Catholic life is always sufficient - the Church is indeed enough.  The Church calls everyone to holiness and Chastity - the official language of the Church uses different language than the world.  For instance, same-sex attraction instead of gay.  Ordinary vernacular uses gay - the Church prefers SSA.  I use gay because that is ordinary usage.  I'm not teaching, preaching, or spiritually directing - I'm just writing from a personal perspective and practice. 

Over the course of the years, I faced many hostile critics, the worst were conservative, traditionalist Catholics.  Some were even intimidating, insisting I was wrong about many things - I reflected well on all they had to say and tried to accommodate their strict interpretations of Catholic moral teaching and even 'condemning' or at least criticizing those they pointed out as being in error and undeserving of support - even when I knew some of them were offering a way for Catholics to follow Catholic teaching with greater freedom of spirit, and so on. 

Long story short, when Pope Francis came along, I was finally free from the human element who sought to dictate how individuals should live their lives, without my deviating one iota from Catholic teaching and the devout life.  Hypocrisy be damned.  I soon lost friends - more than I did when I was trying to conform to several critics, such as the former deacon from St. Louis, Austin Ruse, and some particularly wicked trads whose elected vocation seems to be character assassination.  One priest-friend suggested I was trying to offer spiritual direction as well.  That was so not true.  It is true I've been critical of some for their double lives and made suggestions for their reform - but again, it was usually based upon my own experience of compromise and hypocrisy.

Like I said, for the most part, I was trying to show people that nothing stands in the way of God's mercy - not even our inconstancy.  He can change even the most impossible situations into avenues of grace.  One simply needs to turn to him, just as we are, and surrender ourselves to his loving action.  

Those who turned on Pope Francis now in turn criticize Pope Leo, in keeping with their hermeneutic of suspicion.  

We live in very critical times.

 

A Post About That

Note: Before Strickland made his appeal to the USCCB to address Fr. James Martin concelebrating the confirmation of a married gay man, I posted the following article by Larry Chapp on my FB page.  I intended to post it on my blog at the time, but set it aside.  I have more time to post it here now.  I hope to follow up, but if I don't, I at least have the original exchange from FB saved here.

Fr. James Martin’s homosophistry takes advantage of a clear double standard

Fr. Martin’s true objective is the normalization of homosexual acts via indoctrination into the rainbow mythology of God-willed sexual fluidity. So why are so many Church leaders silent?

Catholic World Report - July 10, 2025

My commentary and comments from FB, 14 July 2025:

I'm not sure I want to get into this contest, nor do I read or follow Fr. Martin's work with gay people, but it looks as if 'they' are circling the wagons to take him down, now that Pope Francis is gone. Not surprising.

I have to say I miss my ex-gay online friends, same-sex-attracted to intrinsically-disordered-acts, and or chaste-celibate-relationships-friendships with former 'partners' who have unfriended me or just abandoned social media all together. Before their secrets were found out, they could be a more reasonable source of discussion on these matters. Which means, if I comment or critique I do so at my own peril. Therefore, I'll wait a while to pen my commentary and only publish it on my personal blog.

In the meantime, enjoy the following post and don't miss the comments. None of my gay friends or relatives would read this sort of discussion, much less understand what the point is. I do, but they would never ask.

Thank God for Pope Francis for allowing ordinary people to be recognized-found and to draw near to Christ, the Good Shepherd.

On a personal note

 

The Visitors - John Koch

Shared with Only me

“There is nothing more provocative than minding your own business.” - William S. Burroughs, The Place of Dead Roads

I had a somewhat disturbing dream one night, not too long ago. I suppose the theme was my social anxiety - the source of which I know. It also involved my lifelong sense of not fitting in - anywhere. And not wanting to. It was a dream revisiting something that happened long ago, but in a contemporary circumstance.

Sometime in the early '70's, my friends and I dropped acid and went to a poolside party somewhere in an eastside suburb of St. Paul. It was John, Jim, Bob, Linda and Donna and me. Mary Kay was at the party, I think I knew some of the people, but I was not friends with them. They were all straight. They stared at us as we all arrived. It felt like something out of a film, maybe like The Graduate. The women I was with apparently were not getting along with another group at the party. Whatever - the atmosphere was extremely uncomfortable and I had no social skills with those kind of people. LOL! I had been living and working in Minneapolis and pretending to be normal and sophisticated. (I worked in fashion display, had lived with my boss, 13 years my senior and had to act like an adult in very difficult snobby situations.) Then my friends came to the rescue and I kind of dropped out, enjoying the drugs and sort of reinventing myself. Another pretense, I might add.

Anyway - gratefully my friends were all turned off by the pool party and we agreed to leave - primarily because they started throwing people in the pool. We left.

Long story short, my dream last night was similar. Rather than try to engage in conversation with the people who were there, I went in the house and started to clean. I was hoping to be accepted that way - or excused for doing something nice for the hosts. They came to check on me now and then and I overheard them discussing what I was doing, while speculating why I was doing it. I stepped outside, out of view, looked at all of them and realized they were all strangers to me. That they had no idea who I was or what I was about. They said nice things to me, but were not sincere. I decided to leave and I heard a woman repeating - "You shouldn't go - you're going to end up completely alone... completely alone... completely alone." My first though, 'I don't know her.'

I left. I left knowing that though I am alone, I'm not alone.

That's it, that's the dream. I considered it a reflection of current situation with my family. They seem to have an endless stream of birthdays and get togethers - for holidays - real or made up, e.g. Christmas in July. I'm always invited, I rarely go. Sometimes I have a real excuse, which they don't believe and sometimes I just don't go - no excuse. I never reveal my actual health condition or problems, so they probably think I'm good to go. Just this past week I cancelled three appointments due to personal problems, which made it inconvenient to keep them. I mentioned it on FB, which they read, writing: "Rescheduled my appointment again. Wait until you get old. Things are not that simple. God forgive me for the impatience I have shown to others - reward them, favor them for having endured me." I feel so stupid revealing such things publicly, so I end up removing posts like that.

I frequently take posts down - or rather made it for my view only. I get discouraged sometimes and attempt to express it in writing. Writing helps me think, reading it helps me make sense of it, I've always done that. It seems to help. Afterwards, I tend to remove some posts since it solved whatever I was attempting to understand. That can frustrate readers though.

Yesterday, I noted another lost day. "I missed studio time today, as well as my appointment. I hate that. Nap time came early - Gabs loves that and she makes me happy when she's comfortable. I took the garbage out for trash day though. Oh - and we prayed our rosary outside. I'm relying on Fr. Charbel to help me get my projects finished in time. The saints tell us not to worry."

Most likely not connected to that post, one of my nephews sent me a private message saying I can't come to my aunt's 100th birthday party this weekend. He's on his long weekend off work, so he isn't always clear in conversations - be it live or text. I decided to play around, with a little back and forth. He wasn't in the mood, rather it turned out to be a challenge. Long story short, he was not happy I wasn't coming to the party. About two weeks ago, one of his sisters was unhappy I didn't come to another function.

I told my nephew that I am undependable, unreliable, irresponsible and always a disappointment. His last text was, "You got that right."

At least I got something right and he can feel better about himself now.

I need God's mercy now, more than ever.

I've never been close to family. I left home in senior high and never remained close. After Darold died I tried to be closer to them We didn't really know each other. Years ago, my parents complained about me to my sister's husband, blaming me for leaving home - telling him I was queer. He was freaked, told my parents and my sister I was no longer welcome in their home and he wanted nothing to do with me. So I wasn't close to the kids. After he died, I stayed away, fearing I'd be a bad example and influence for them. So they grew up estranged from me and I from them.

It's been touch and go all along. I have no hard feelings, but I'm not sure they get it - the fact of having been shamed and banned at one time - even though I had already separated myself from the family and sought to make a new life for myself.

So. I live alone now, with my cat.

An Anecdote

 Note:  I posted this on my FB page, but something like this belongs here as part of My Story.

In memoriam.

Today is Wm. David McKenna's birthday. He would have been 89 this year. He was my boss when I was 17. When I was 18 we were in a relationship. That was 1967. I was blamed for seducing him - he was 13 years older than myself. I lived with that. The work environment turned toxic, so I transferred to the Downtown Store - St. Paul was considered part of MPLS and not a branch - my reputation was shot, although I was too dumb to realize that at the time. We remained 'lovers' for 3 years. It wasn't a good situation. He had other young friends I wasn't aware of at the time. He was always very kind and protective to me though.

Years later I found out he was ill and got back in touch with him. Darold had worked for him at one time as well and they were good, professional friends. I was able to help him - from a distance, he lived in Seattle - get back to the Church. I called the parish he lived in and so on. He found a place there. He 'unfriended' us - though it wasn't a term back then, because we voted for Bush. LOL! Anyway, he passed away in 2004.

I have Masses said now days, especially for those people who despised me. I didn't realize for many years he and his associates didn't like me. I reflect on that sometimes and it is extremely helpful for deeper self-knowledge, while being an opportunity to grow in charity.

Anyway, thank you McKenna (that's what I always called him) and may you rest in peace. Prayers for eternal salvation.

Remember when you polished my shoes and ironed my clothes that first morning? Then breakfast with a sweet roll, eggs, bacon, toast? No one ever did that for me in my life before that. Thank you.

For the file.

 Note:  Saving a couple things here because other social media I'm on might censor it.

LynnZ

@ZemanLynnZ

·

10h

"Here's Melania when Zampolli first brought her to NYC. This is the apartment in Union Square where he set her up, and her photographer roommate, Matthew Arabian. Melania knew Epstein before she knew Trump. This is Paolo Zampolli, her former escort agent & good friend of Epstein & Trump. He's the one who took Melania to Ghislaine's party where she met Trump. He's also the one who secured her Einstein visa Zampolli came from a wealthy Milanese family Took over his father’s toy company & sold it to the notorious billionaire Silvio Berlusconi, who went on to become prime minister. His other good friend & buddy, John Casablancas, told him to come to NYC and work in the modeling biz. I did just change the settings on this, having lots of outsiders sharing this and don’t need my name all over the internet feel free to copy and paste it but things are getting much more concerning as many were banned yesterday, Post like this create more friend request and I am full as well. They are trying to suppress the truth." imagine that

Contrary to media reports...

 

Try to have a more supernatural filter.

"Contrary to Italian media reports, the Register can confirm that Cardinal Raymond Burke never received the future Pope in his apartment during the period of the general congregations, nor any other pressure to vote for him." - @EdwardPentin dispels a rumor.

I think everything is unfolding wonderfully. Personally, I think it is a mistake to speculate and/or follow rumors and gossip regarding how the pope was elected and all the gossip associated with that type of 'court intrigue', even though it can be fun. I was reading a report at Rorate Caeli that reminded me of court intrigue from another era - it didn't help I was watching Marie Antoinette with scenes depicting all the gossip and treason within the royal court prior to the Revolution. I didn't find the report at all edifying. I now avoid everything unless it is celebratory and positive.

I'm convinced Leo XIV will be the best Pope for our time, just as I consider his predecessors to be. In fact, think he will be the best of all his predecessors and yet remain his own man. I think he has already brought much peace and good will. Going forward, I'm content to see how the grace of office develops and directs his papacy.

I am so grateful to be Catholic and that we have a pope. I love the pope. When a king dies, it is said, 'the king is dead, long live the king' - signifying the continuity of the monarchy. Just so, when the pope dies, we mourn of course, but another comes to fill his place, the Chair of Peter is occupied by another.

Even in authentic apparitions, prophecies and so on - when heaven asks us to pray for the pope, normally a particular pope is not referenced or specified. At Fatima, Our Lady mentioned the reign of Pius XI, yet her call to pray for the pope referred to whomever was pope down the line.

Perhaps an illustration of that is the Dream of S. John Bosco regarding the Barque of Peter, symbolizing the Church, with the Pope at the helm. In the dream a series of popes is clearly indicated. The part of the Church/papacy under assault could well represent the Franciscan papacy, while the Pope bringing the Barque to port and uniting everyone might indicate our new Pope, whom everyone seems to like. (I've thought of that Dream at each successive papacy BTW.)

Yet paradoxically - dreams and private revelations cannot be taken literally, and normally they can't be pinned down to specifics, which can be subject to change. Thus we can understand the papacy not limited to this or that man, but rather an office, established by Christ in Peter, extended in time, to guide the Church - the faithful, the People of God to eternal salvation.

Anyway, I have great peace and joy, confidence and love for Pope Leo XIV, just as I did for Francis, Benedict, JPII, JPI, Paul VI, John XXIII, and Pius XII.

There will always be enemies of the Church, of the papacy and they are very active now. There are those who despised Pope Francis and they continue their attacks, often comparing Leo and Francis, while some are active digging up negative stories, or making them up altogether, I can't spend the rest of my life addressing such opposition and hopefully I won't.

Happy feastday of Our Lady of Fatima. Pray the rosary every day. Pray for the Holy Father who will have much to suffer.

Yes. I am very happy we have Pope Leo XIV

 

My heart dropped at first. Because I knew he was American, but I had no idea who he was. Seeing him, his demeanor and emotion - I was pleased. I couldn't help but attribute his election to Our Lady's intercession. Due to his Augustinian roots, scholarship and devotion, I think he will have a charisma and sensibility much like Pope Benedict. Anyway, as a Catholic I'm all for him, as I have been for all his predecessors. I'm confident and unafraid and grateful. 

"In his address as Pope, Leo XIV said, “Today is the day of the Supplication to Our Lady of Pompeii. Our blessed Mother Mary always wants to walk with us, be close to us, she always wants to help us with her intercession and her love. So let us pray together for this mission, and for all of the Church and for peace in the world.”"

At the beginning of May, Cardinal Burke entrusted his prayers to Our Lady of Good Counsel, praying for God's will and good counsel, inviting the faithful to join him in novena.  It seems to me Our Lady answered. It's clearly due to her - Mediatrix of all Grace, especially considering May 8th is the Augustinian feast day of Our Lady of Grace, a title traditionally held by the Augustinians. Leo is part of the Augustinian Province dedicated to OL of Good Counsel and the shrine in Italy is in Augustinian custody. May 8th is also the feast of OL of the Rosary of Pompeii as well as the feast of St. Michael Archangel. People who look for signs need not look any further.

Cardinal Burke tweeted this statement yesterday:

"Please join me in thanking Our Lord for the election of Pope Leo XIV, Successor of Saint Peter, as the Shepherd of the Church throughout the world. The Shrine of Our Lady of Guadalupe at La Crosse has a particularly strong bond with the Roman Pontiff, especially through its affiliation with the Papal Basilica of Saint Mary Major. I urge all pilgrims and friends of the Shrine to pray fervently for Pope Leo XIV that Our Lord, through the intercession of Our Lady of Guadalupe, Saint Peter Apostle, and Pope Saint Leo the Great, will grant him abundant wisdom, strength, and courage to do all that Our Lord is asking of Him in these tumultuous times. May God bless Pope Leo and grant him many years. Viva il Papa!"

Indeed, I am most grateful for Pope Leo XIV.

The future Pope in Peru.

Pope Francis Lying in State inside St. Peter’s Basilica

 I am so grateful for the papacy of Pope Francis.  What a gift to the Church.  I am in such peace and I feel even closer to him now.  Such peace.

O God, we praise Thee, and acknowledge Thee to be the supreme Lord.
Everlasting Father, all the earth worships Thee.
All the Angels, the heavens and all angelic powers,
All the Cherubim and Seraphim, continuously cry to Thee:
Holy, Holy, Holy, Lord God of Hosts!
Heaven and earth are full of the Majesty of Thy glory.
The glorious choir of the Apostles,
The wonderful company of Prophets,
The white-robed army of Martyrs, praise Thee.
Holy Church throughout the world acknowledges Thee:
The Father of infinite Majesty;
Thy adorable, true and only Son;
Also the Holy Spirit, the Comforter.
O Christ, Thou art the King of glory!
Thou art the everlasting Son of the Father.
When Thou tookest it upon Thyself to deliver man,
Thou didst not disdain the Virgin's womb.
Having overcome the sting of death, Thou opened the Kingdom of Heaven to all
believers.
Thou sitest at the right hand of God in the glory of the Father.
We believe that Thou willst come to be our Judge.
We, therefore, beg Thee to help Thy servants whom Thou hast redeemed with Thy
Precious Blood.
Let them be numbered with Thy Saints in everlasting glory.

V. Save Thy people, O Lord, and bless Thy inheritance!
R. Govern them, and raise them up forever.

V. Every day we thank Thee.
R. And we praise Thy Name forever, yes, forever and ever.

V. O Lord, deign to keep us from sin this day.
R. Have mercy on us, O Lord, have mercy on us.

V. Let Thy mercy, O Lord, be upon us, for we have hoped in Thee.
R. O Lord, in Thee I have put my trust; let me never be put to shame.

On Easter Monday 2025

 

Happy Easter

Christians, to the Paschal Victim offer sacrifice and praise. 

The sheep are ransomed by the Lamb; 

and Christ, the undefiled, hath sinners to his Father reconciled. 

Death with life contended: combat strangely ended! 

Life's own Champion, slain, yet lives to reign. 

Tell us, Mary: say what thou didst see upon the way. 

The tomb the Living did enclose; 

I saw Christ's glory as He rose! 

The angels there attesting; shroud with grave-clothes resting. 

Christ, my hope, has risen: 

He goes before you into Galilee. 

That Christ is truly risen from the dead we know. 

Victorious King, Thy mercy show! Amen. Alleluia.

 

Risen Christ appears

in secret

to His Mother.