Make straight the paths....

Sometimes the honesty is too much.
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In Advent we joyfully anticipate the coming of Christ, the light shining in the darkness - the light the darkness cannot grasp.  Nevertheless, the light seems to enlighten and shine dimly; only growing brighter gradually.  Year after year, season after season, until it shines so brightly at times all we can see is darkness.  And so it seems, that while darkness covers everything, a distant light illuminates what it contains...
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It is in times of trial, dryness, and aridity when our faith is tested and our weakness exposed.  One may have faith, hope, and charity without understanding or consolation...  When everything and everyone disappoints, even when we find nothing in ourselves to approve, there is that one speck of light - one minuscule point of light shining in the darkness - it is just enough.  Just enough for the wait.
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A blogger once asked if anyone ever writes about their discouragements or challenges - even doubts as regards faith and the Church.  He said all the posts he reads are pretty much pious reflections, holy accomplishments, and/or the writer's personal 'witness to hope'.  He wondered if anyone else ever struggled with faith and people of faith, do they ever fall or get discouraged and so on?  It was quite awhile ago that I read that - but I think I'm recalling it correctly and understood what he meant.
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So anyway - this blog is pretty much all about that kind of stuff.  I try to avoid any pretence in what I discuss here - I try to be frank.  It seems to me I write about the stuff that one discovers in the darkness - after it has been exposed to the light, as it were.  Perhaps that is why some readers are disedified by this blog, or do not like what I discuss.  That is fine of course, this is only a personal blog and as in life, friends come and go - and frequently we always fail each other in one way or another.  That too is part of the course.  I somehow think that is what Advent is about - making straight the paths, winnowing the threshing floor, as today's Gospel says.  Maybe just for me and not others.
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"A voice behind me said, 'this is the way, walk in it.'"
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At adoration the other day an older lady at church confided to me that she is not in the holiday spirit, that Advent is just another season for her, that she is somewhat apathetic about Christmas, and so on.  I told her I'm sort of the same way.  I didn't try to tell her anything else - we can't 'fix' things in other people, especially when we are so poor ourselves.  Later I thought about what she said and I decided that is how it is for some of us.  You can't tell people how they are supposed to feel or that the emptiness they experience should be filled with some tenuous joy.  Not at all.  I am convinced however, that the emptiness can be a good sign, a normal process.  It may mean all of the other chicanery we once devised and depended upon have finally failed.  In other words, we no longer have anything we can depend upon in ourselves - we have come face to face with our reality - our existence. 
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Frequently it is in such darkness that one can see just a little, tiny point of light - deep in one's soul - maybe just for a flash... but it is just enough... just enough for the wait.