Just as in the days of Noah.

Noah opened the hatch he had made in the ark,

and he sent out a raven...

Just a thought.

This morning's reading at Mass reminded me of those photos of the dove being attacked by a crow or raven in St. Peter's Square after the Pope would release them from the papal apartment window.  It always seemed like an omen.

At the end of forty days Noah opened the hatch he had made in the ark,
and he sent out a raven,
to see if the waters had lessened on the earth.
It flew back and forth until the waters dried off from the earth.
Then he sent out a dove,
to see if the waters had lessened on the earth.
But the dove could find no place to alight and perch,
and it returned to him in the ark,
for there was water all over the earth.
Putting out his hand, he caught the dove
and drew it back to him inside the ark.
He waited seven days more and again sent the dove out from the ark.
In the evening the dove came back to him,
and there in its bill was a plucked-off olive leaf!
So Noah knew that the waters had lessened on the earth.
He waited still another seven days
and then released the dove once more;
and this time it did not come back. - GN 8:6-13

It's probably just me.

Today is the feast of St.s Jacinta and Francisco Marto as well.  I'm praying they will guide the Holy Father and bishops assembled for summit on sexual abuse this weekend.   Pope Francis noted how those who are actively criticizing and hurling accusations may be guided by a bad spirit.

One cannot live a whole life accusing, accusing, accusing the Church. 

Whom does the office of the accuser belong to? Who is he that the Bible calls the great accuser - the devil! And those who spend their lives accusing are - I won't say children, because the devil doesn't have any - but they the friends, cousins and relatives of the devil. 

Well, when things are not right, one has to report the defects to correct, but when you report the defects, you make known the defects, you love the Church. Without love is something from the devil. - VR

St. Jacinta devoted herself to prayer and suffering for the Pope, may she intercede for him in these times of crisis.  St. Francisco was deeply contemplative and hidden, praying to console the 'Hidden Jesus' and making reparation for sins.  Both Jacinta and Francisco prayed earnestly and constantly for the conversion of sinners.  May these little saints, who have now reached full stature and maturity in Christ, intercede for all of us.

A most important question.

"Who do you say that I am?"

In today's Gospel, Christ asks Peter that question - again.  It seemed to me this Gospel has come up more than once recently in the Ordinary Form?  This morning it seemed almost too familiar.  But that is where I'm always wrong about the Gospel - those days when I think I 'know' it already.

Today I realized how critical it is for us to know precisely who Jesus Christ is.  As the Lord told Peter - the Father alone reveals this to the soul - while the convincing power of the Holy Spirit confirms our faith.  Jesus Christ is Lord.  We believe in one God:  Father, Son and Holy Spirit.  But I digress...

The reason I say we must know precisely who Jesus Christ is is because of the 'new' martyrs.  Muslims do not know who Christ is - they believe him to be just another prophet.  Recently ISIS terrorists demanded a man deny Christ and embrace Islam - or be killed.  He denied Christ, only to be beheaded anyway.  Perhaps he didn't really know the difference - since Islam venerates the Virgin Mary and Jesus - yet for them, Jesus is only 'one of the prophets'.  Perhaps he misunderstood the teaching, "Muslims worship the same God" according to a popular, but heretical teaching known as 'indifferentism'?  I cannot know what the poor man was thinking, nor can I judge him - I can only pray for the man and all of the others facing martyrdom.

It seems to me that today our incessant theological and moral arguments, along with our highly esteemed notions of pluralism and diversity, can work together to become an 'obstacle' to faith.  Christ told Peter - who demonstrated he had the correct faith - only moments before his objection to the passion of Christ: "You are an obstacle to me.  You are not thinking as God does, but as human beings do." 

Thus we see how important it is to know precisely who Jesus Christ is - 'who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow' and how the science of the cross remains unchanged - no matter how much we strive for religious freedom.

Today many of us think only in human terms - faith is somehow partitioned out.  We think in human terms and not as God does.  We see this thinking amongst Christians.  We see this thinking in and through the acceptance of divorce, contraception, and the evils generated by these sins.  Human comfort and well being - wanting people to be happy - is more important than the narrow way that leads to heaven.

We need to know precisely who Jesus Christ is.  To do this - to remain in that knowledge, I think we need to pray and spend much time with him, in his company in the Blessed Sacrament, in the Church, in Our Lady.

I also need to be careful not to be an obstacle to Christ and the Gospel.

I pray for an increase of faith.  Faith, hope, and charity.

Zaccheo

"Today I must stay at your house."

I love this Gospel - in fact I have been thinking of it on and off for several days, so I was surprised when I discovered it was today's Gospel.

The Holy Father has a beautiful homily for today, as do many other priests.  The homily I heard was kind of hard to understand.  Father mentioned that Zacchaeus was fat.  I wasn't sure where he got that, but I checked online and it is suggested in some online entries, or 'teachings'.  I think homilies are important, but if you are going to 'outsource' them, maybe keep it simple and focus on one point - one good anecdote.  No offense intended - it just would be more helpful for the listeners to follow.

As I said, I've always liked this Gospel, and I've been thinking about for several days.

Zacchaeus is sort of a funny guy - the Gospel passage strikes me as sort of humorous.  I like to think his enthusiasm delighted Our Lord.  Christ may have already been told who Zacchaeus was and most likely knew what he did, and why he was despised.  Of course, he also could see into his heart, and more deeply, God "knew him before he formed him in his mother's womb."  Therefore it seems to me safe to say, Christ first went in search of Zacchaeus, "for you show yourself first and go out to meet those who seek you"  as St. John of the Cross says.

Since my monastery days - I've been accustomed to understanding this Gospel as an invitation to recollection, the prayer of recollection.  I like to imagine Christ, in the deepest center of our heart, of our soul, calling us to leave behind our preoccupation with externals, the distractions we seek and those which assail us.  I like to think Jesus calls us to come down, to get out of our brains as it were, to put aside all the intellectual, theological speculation and commune with him in silent, loving prayer.  Even when we find ourselves so imperfect.  Despite our failures, I think Christ sees us already cleansed of our sins, and calls out:

"O soul, most beautiful of all creatures, that so greatly desires to know the place where your Beloved is, in order to seek Him and be united with Him.... It is a matter of great contentment and joy for you to see that He is so near you as to be within you. Rejoice and be glad in your inward recollection with Him, since you have Him so near. There desire Him, there adore Him, and do not go to seek Him outside yourself." - Spiritual Canticle

This prayer of recollection can become habitual, and like the sheep pastured by the Good Shepherd, the soul "will come in and go out and find pasture" - all the while remaining in his presence, before his watchful gaze.  The prayer of recollection becomes the pasture, as it were.  As Brother Lawrence of the Resurrection said, "That it was a great delusion to think that the times of prayer ought to differ from other times."

When good people grumble about our sinfulness and scandalous life, (and they do) - then we can all the more repent, and rejoice with Zacchaeus, that we are at last 'found out'.  We can then  follow the example of Zacchaeus, confess our failings, striving to make reparation, while trusting in God's mercy - God, who first loved us, who sought us out, with the intention of staying in our house this day.  We can repent every day, and return to our inward cell of recollection.  Because God comes to save what was lost.

“There is no occupation or social condition, no sin or crime of any kind, that could erase from the memory and the heart of God even one of His children.” God is a Father, always keeping a watchful and loving vigil “to see reborn in the hearts of the child the desire to return home. And when He recognizes that desire, even simply stated, He is immediately close by, and with His forgiveness He makes the path of conversion and return easier.” - Pope Francis

Mass Chat: I got nothing...

Except shame.

Today's reading is one of my favorites, if I can say such a thing, because the entire Letter to the  Hebrews is very important to me - especially when Paul urges that we go to him (Christ), outside the gates of popular opinion and culture, sharing his shame (bearing the insult he bore).  So what does that mean?  "Sharing his shame"?  Especially since in today's reading he says Christ "despised the shame of the cross".  Another translation says, "for the joy that lay before him, he endured the cross, heedless of its shame."  That works better.  It fits the Gospel, I think.

Shame is good.

Pope Francis mentions shame rather frequently.  Shame is a bad word in contemporary culture, but Francis is saying it.  On the occasion of the feast of St. Ignatius, he spoke to the Jesuits, praying for the 'grace' of shame: “We ask for the grace of shame, the shame that comes from a continuous conversation of mercy with him, the shame that makes us blush before Jesus Christ,” he said.

Pope Francis prayed [...] that he and his fellow Jesuits would receive “the grace of shame” for their failures and the humility to recognise that whatever good they accomplish is really done by the Lord.

In his homily Pope Francis prayed that Mary would “help us experience shame for our inadequacy before the treasure that has been entrusted to us, so that we would live with humility before God”. - Source

In another instance, the Holy Father said:

... shame is a true Christian virtue, and even human ... the ability to be ashamed: I do not know if there is a similar saying in Italian, but in our country to those who are never ashamed are called “sin vergüenza’: this means ‘the unashamed ', because they are people who do not have the ability to be ashamed and to be ashamed is a virtue of the humble, of the man and the woman who are humble. "
Pope Francis continued: “ we must have trust, because when we sin we have an advocate with the Father, "Jesus Christ the righteous." And He "supports us before the Father" and defends us in front of our weaknesses. But you need to stand in front of the Lord "with our truth of sinners", "with confidence, even with joy, without masquerading... We must never masquerade before God." And shame is a virtue: "blessed shame." "This is the virtue that Jesus asks of us: humility and meekness". - Vatican Radio

We feel shame for actual sin, for failures to love and do good.  We blush over our inappropriateness, our lack of accomplishment.  We can cry out in prayer, "Lord how can I atone for all that I have done?"  And we are ashamed because we cannot make enough amends, enough reparation - even if we went to those we somehow cheated, maligned, lied to, disparaged, and apologized and kissed their feet and tried to make amends - perhaps they would still despise us.  Yet even then, if we prayed and did penance as long and as hard as life, we could never undo the offense against charity and truth.  What have we that we can exchange? 

Shame.

"Humility and meekness are like the frame of a Christian life. A Christian must always be so, humble and meek. And Jesus waits for us to forgive us. We can ask Him a question: Is going to confession like to a torture session? No! It is going to praise God, because I, a sinner , have been saved by Him. And is He waiting for me to beat me? No, with tenderness to forgive me. And if tomorrow I do the same? Go again, and go and go and go .... He always waits for us. This tenderness of the Lord, this humility, this meekness .... "This confidence, concluded Pope Francis "gives us room to breathe." "The Lord give us this grace, the courage to always go to Him with the truth, because the truth is light and not the darkness of half-truths or lies before God. It give us this grace! So be it. " - ibid

I think this is what saves us from morbid shame, 'that sorrow which leads to death'.  The Blood of Jesus is our atonement.  Like the leprous Naaman, we bathe in it seven times - seven times seventy times as Jesus told Peter.  When we begin to think we are something, that shame - united to the shame of the Cross and of the Blood, reminds us that we are totally dependent upon God's grace and merciful love which exceeds all we ever knew, which can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine.

"Whoever is made to suffer as a Christian should not be ashamed but glorify God because of the name." - 1 Peter 4:16

We are what we are however.  We can not glory in our shame - that is pride.  Pride glories in shame.  It calls sin a virtue.  To exult in our sin is to glory in shame.  That isn't virtuous.   Oddly enough, so-called "gay-pride" is a form of reparative therapy promoted as an easy solution to the problem of shame.  A shame which is based in sexual identity or internalizing societal disapproval of homosexuality.

"Unfortunately many go about in a way which shows them to be an enemy of the cross of Christ... Their god is their abs and their glory is in their shame." - Philippians 3:19 

I think that to despise the shame, or rather to endure it; to bear the shame that Christ bore, is to understand the authentic meaning of shame.  Such shame is something much more fundamental.  As such, there is a sense, an echo of that 'original shame' after the fall which wounds us - which is our sin and propensity for sin.  Christ despised sin: He endured the shame, the consequence of it.  I'm not sure I'm able to articulate that very well in my reflection here.  I don't think this sense of shame is the same as the shame that kills, but rather the shame that frees us.  Christ descends into that place, He stoops down to us and lifts us - he sanctifies us and atones for us.  "Though I am afflicted and poor, yet the Lord thinks of me.  You are my help and deliverer; O my God, hold not back!" 

The shame that kills is related to what Paul said in his second letter to the Corinthians: "Indeed, the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death." - 2 Cor. 7:10

Consider how Christ endured such opposition from sinners, in order that you may not grow weary and lose heart.  In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood. - Hebrews 12: 1-4

Song for this post here.

[Ed. note: This post is the result of reading another writer who said a person should feel shame simply because of same sex attraction.  That is incorrect.]

Today's Second Reading From Mass on Faith

It is one of my very favorite readings...

It sheds light upon my 'obedience'... it gives me courage and conviction... it is the reason I am what I am...

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance; he went out - not knowing where he was to go...

All these ... did not receive what had been promised but saw it and greeted it from afar and acknowledged themselves to be

 strangers and pilgrims on earth,

those who speak thus show that they are seeking a homeland.

If they had been thinking of the land from where they had come, they would have opportunity to return.  But now they desire a better homeland, a heavenly one." - Hebrews 11

'For there is no distinction' ... 'all that is important is that one be created anew.'  'There is no more slave nor freeman, male or female'... 'we are a new creation in Christ... old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.'

"Let us go to him outside the camp, bearing the insult which he bore.  For here we have no lasting city; we are seeking one which is to come.  Through him let us continually offer God a sacrifice of praise, that is, the fruit of lips which acknowledge his name." - Hebrews 13

+ + +

Some want to be free of their attachment to their sexual orientation, but they want this to be in such a way that they will still retain possession of that identity; so God is to approve what they themselves want, and there is no decision to relinquish it (in order to go to God), even if it might be better for them if they did. - My paraphrase a selection from the writings of St. Ignatius of Loyola.

"Aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one. - 1 Thessalonians

Some follow up thoughts...

"I go to prepare a place for you...

"You know the way that leads to where I go...

"Follow me...

"In my Father's house there are many dwelling places..."

All of those things Christ said to his disciple before the Ascension.  Christ, who came down from heaven and met these men in the ordinary circumstances of their lives.  He, who lived amongst them, shared their life, speaks to them, assuring them that in his Father's house there are many dwelling places.  There is room for them because he goes ahead of them to prepare a place for them, for us.

He meets us, loves us where we are at, just as we are.  He can change our hearts - right where we are... as is. 

I love how the Holy Father said the new Pope, and perhaps by extension, ourselves, must go out to the 'existential peripheries', to evangelize the fringe.  What that means for individuals may vary, but it makes me think of several off-beat saints - canonized and uncanonized.

So let us go out to him, outside the camp, and bear the disgrace he bore... - Hebrews 13

I often think of St. Therese who once wished she could live amongst prostitutes in a brothel so that she could show them the merciful love of God. Likewise I consider St. Simon Salus, who left the desert to live amongst the outcasts, criminals, and whores, to demonstrate the love of God, to be a sort of presence of merciful love amidst the unlovable. How could they do that if they spent all of their time condemning the sin and sneering and scoffing at the sinner?

As I mentioned, St. Simon Salus left the desert to live amongst prostitutes and outcasts in Syria.  Stories such as his from the desert fathers captured the heart of Little Therese, discovering in the simplicity of their lives, the compliment to the doctrine of her 'little way'. One story I love is something she once confided to one of her novices, Marie of the Trinity:

"To help me accept a humiliation, she once confided to me: 'If I had not been accepted in Carmel, I would have entered a Refuge (for fallen women) and lived out my days there, unknown and despised among the poor penitents. I would have been happy to be taken as one of them, and would have become an apostle among them, telling them what I thought of God's mercy.'" - Therese By Those Who Knew Her

Like a tabernacle or a chapel in a bad neighborhood.

The Little Brothers and Sisters of Jesus and the Missionaries of Charity are much like that - they become the presence of Christ in a bad neighborhood.  Dorothy Day was like that.  Madeleine Delbrêl was too.

Christ can do all things if we ask with faith.  "O Lord, I want to return to the Church and the sacraments but I don't know how."  The Lord finds a way.  When I write about two men or two women living together, agreeing to renounce sinful relations and determining to sanctify their lives and return to the Church and the sacraments, I'm saying that Christ can accomplish for them even more than they ask or desire.  The Church does not lay burdens too heavy to carry on those who wish to be reconciled.  The Church calls homosexuals to freedom, to chastity, to holiness.  The Church does not dictate with whom and where a person must live. 

There are no obstacles to God's grace that cannot be remedied.

It is not good for man to live alone.  Some people can and do live together after quitting a sinful life, mutually agreeing to observe continence, chastity and celibacy, living as friends and brothers, they help one another to be faithful and holy.  One of the fruits of the Holy Spirit is self control - God is generous and pours out his Spirit to those who ask.  "Where two or three are gathered in my name..." There can be a community of two or three or fifty, as in a large monastery.  God's grace is limitless. 

Mark asked Arsenius, 'It is right, isn't it, to have nothing unnecessary in one's cell? I saw a brother who had a few cabbages, and he was rooting them out.' Arsenius said, 'It is right, but each should do what is right for his own way of life. If he is not strong enough to endure without the cabbages, he will plant them again.'
 

Have faith:  Ask, seek, knock.  It will be opened for you.


Art: Japanese artist Tetsuya Ishida.  His art conveys isolation, anxiety, identity crisis, scepticism, claustrophia and solitude - the Christian life cannot consist in this.  Rather, "the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control." - Galations 5   "There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work." - 1 Corinthians 12 

Some random thoughts you neither have to read, nor agree with...

In Christ there is no 'gay' or 'queer'...

There isn't - there can't be.  He is the perfect man, the complete man.  Likewise, as scripture tells us, in Christ there is no Jew or Greek, slave or freeman, male or female, but Christ is all in all - the Christian is truly a new creation; the old man has died - our authentic self is hidden with Christ in God.  There is no separate, special spirituality, no new anthropology, in fact, in Christ we are re-formed in the image of our Creator, God, our Father, in whom there is nothing queer - nothing disordered.  Hard for some to hear - and believe, but it is true. 

Today, for some, the argument appears to be little more than parable, no longer relevant or comprehensible to our highly evolved, enlightened 21st century intellectual and spiritual consciousness.  Many refuse to listen to what they perceive as a memorized script of traditional interpretations of scripture, as well as doctrine and dogma, recited over and over by 'naive' believers, who are easily dismissed as uncritical followers of what the Church teaches.  Yet it is precisely through Catholic teaching that one comes to know and accept one's true identity in Christ.  As one author puts it, "things which are already clear to believers are to be made obscure" so that, as yesterday's Gospel affirms, 'seeing, they do not perceive, hearing they do not understand.' 

To paraphrase a selection from the writings of St. Ignatius of Loyola printed in Magnificat:

Some want to be free of their attachment to their sexual orientation, but they want this to be in such a way that they will still retain possession of that identity; so God is to approve what they themselves want, and there is no decision to relinquish it (in order to go to God), even if it might be better for them if they did.

“I give praise to you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike." - Matthew 11:25

 

Editor's note:  As many readers know, I am struggling to understand the gay-Catholic identity phenomenon.  I removed this post because I was afraid it came off as judgemental of those who appear to promote 'queer' identity - that is not my intent.  Readers asked that I restore the post - so here it is.  Moving on ... 

Feast of the Holy Name of Jesus

JESUS!

Today, January 3, is the feast of the Holy Name of Jesus as restored to the Novus Ordo calendar by Blessed Pope John Paul II.

The Holy Name is a powerful prayer.  The Holy Name Jesus is a prayer in itself and contains the entire Gospel.  JESUS.

Different schools of prayer place much emphasis upon the formula known as the Jesus prayer, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy upon me a sinner."  It is a way of prayer for lay people and monks, known especially in the East.  It is an ancient practice.  Those who practice it unceasingly and exclusively are sometimes known as hesychasts, and they employ a technique of breathing to coincide with the recitation of the prayer.  Some remain suspicious of the 'controlled' practice, suggesting it is a form of quietism - a criticism some people also make regarding the practice known as Centering Prayer.  Many people find themselves attracted to such mystical techniques, but the Holy Spirit is not limited by nor subject to technique.  That said, there is nothing wrong with praying the Jesus prayer in the hope of praying unceasingly and as a means to union with God. (CCC 2616)

Nevertheless, the Holy Name alone, JESUS, is sufficient in itself.  The Holy Name contains all, encapsulates all, embraces all, consumes all:  To the extent that it is the very heart of the Hail Mary, and every prayer of the liturgy is offered in that same Holy Name - 'through Jesus Christ'.  

Amen.

Something about conversion stories... and the danger of relapse.

When you find unchanging peace on your way, then fear; because you are far from the right path by which the righteous go with suffering feet. - St. Isaac the Syrian

Conversion stories are edifying and oftentimes amazing.  Sensational sinners repent and come into the Church and the world stands in awe before the grace and mercy of God.  Frequently they demonstrate the efficacy of prayer and sacrifice, the sacraments, to effect such conversions.  Christ tells us in the Gospel heaven itself erupts in joy over just one sinner who repents.
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We must not be too ready to trust young men who have great devotion; we must wait till their wings are grown, and then see what sort of a flight they make. - St. Philip Neri

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In our times, the idea of conversion sometimes carries with it an expectation of honors - like the Prodigal Son's homecoming - celebrated with parties and gifts and even celebrity.  I sometimes get the impression that some Catholics have adopted the Protestant attitude of born-again Christians as regards the grace of conversion.  Many think you do it once and you are saved for life - and there is some sort of immediate reward, as least something as pleasant as a good 'approval rating'.  Especially when they write a blog or a book about it.  That can be a lot to live up to.
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A virtuous life consists in mortifying vices, sins, bad thoughts, and evil affections, and in exercising ourselves in the acquisition of holy virtues. - St. Philip Neri

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The reality is that conversion is an ongoing process wherein one never is immune from backsliding or relapse - especially when one's sin was habitual and sensual - Philip Neri said sins of sensuality and avarice are particularly hard to cure.  The Gospel tells us, 'how narrow the gate and constricted the road that leads to life', and that is just the road, the way that leads to life.  Thus one never arrives at some point in one's journey where one can say, "I'm healed and okay now.  I've arrived.  I will not fall back."  For many of us the struggle never ends.  Through the action of grace we may go 'from strength to strength' but we are always dependent upon God's grace and mercy, and we must deny ourselves each day and take up our cross to follow Christ, who was hassled and harried, scoffed at and despised and all of that stuff we think we know about him.
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We must never trust ourselves, for it is the devil’s way first to get us to feel secure, and then to make us fall. - St. Philip Neri

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Moral conversions which involve recovery from substance abuse or sexual addiction are not only hard fought, they can be very difficult to verify.  For example, the penitent St. Margaret Cortona was refused entrance into the Third Order of St. Francis for three years while the friars tested her virtue - and then suspicion of her virtue never ceased to plague her.  Another example, in our day, rarely if ever are moral cures recognized or accepted in the process for the canonization of saints.  This is no more evident than in the cause for Matt Talbot.  Numerous claims of moral cures and conversions (from addiction) are attributed to Talbot, yet none have been accepted as miraculous.  Perhaps a few could be accepted now if it could be established that a person persevered without relapse until death, but I don't know if any such case has been postulated so far.
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All sins are highly displeasing to God, but above all sensuality and avarice, which are very difficult to cure. - St. Philip Neri

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My point is that the devil delights in pulling us back into sin - the more dramatic the conversion, the bigger the convert, the greater the effort to snare him back - to make him 'return to his vomit' so that his 'last sin may be worse than the first'.  I sometimes think that is why the Lord permits some of us to keep falling into our former sins, so that we may become more and more humble, and by repenting, glorify his mercy that never gives up on us, 'for he knows we are but dust', weak and inconstant - our only constancy being our need for his mercy, for our conversion and our salvation is so unstable.  We need patience to do God's will.  Patience involves suffering.  And perseverance.
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He who cannot put up with the loss of his honour, can never make any advance in spiritual things. - St. Philip Neri

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Art: St. Dismas' deathbed conversion.  I have no information on the artist or the painting.

Make straight the paths....

Sometimes the honesty is too much.
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In Advent we joyfully anticipate the coming of Christ, the light shining in the darkness - the light the darkness cannot grasp.  Nevertheless, the light seems to enlighten and shine dimly; only growing brighter gradually.  Year after year, season after season, until it shines so brightly at times all we can see is darkness.  And so it seems, that while darkness covers everything, a distant light illuminates what it contains...
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It is in times of trial, dryness, and aridity when our faith is tested and our weakness exposed.  One may have faith, hope, and charity without understanding or consolation...  When everything and everyone disappoints, even when we find nothing in ourselves to approve, there is that one speck of light - one minuscule point of light shining in the darkness - it is just enough.  Just enough for the wait.
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A blogger once asked if anyone ever writes about their discouragements or challenges - even doubts as regards faith and the Church.  He said all the posts he reads are pretty much pious reflections, holy accomplishments, and/or the writer's personal 'witness to hope'.  He wondered if anyone else ever struggled with faith and people of faith, do they ever fall or get discouraged and so on?  It was quite awhile ago that I read that - but I think I'm recalling it correctly and understood what he meant.
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So anyway - this blog is pretty much all about that kind of stuff.  I try to avoid any pretence in what I discuss here - I try to be frank.  It seems to me I write about the stuff that one discovers in the darkness - after it has been exposed to the light, as it were.  Perhaps that is why some readers are disedified by this blog, or do not like what I discuss.  That is fine of course, this is only a personal blog and as in life, friends come and go - and frequently we always fail each other in one way or another.  That too is part of the course.  I somehow think that is what Advent is about - making straight the paths, winnowing the threshing floor, as today's Gospel says.  Maybe just for me and not others.
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"A voice behind me said, 'this is the way, walk in it.'"
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At adoration the other day an older lady at church confided to me that she is not in the holiday spirit, that Advent is just another season for her, that she is somewhat apathetic about Christmas, and so on.  I told her I'm sort of the same way.  I didn't try to tell her anything else - we can't 'fix' things in other people, especially when we are so poor ourselves.  Later I thought about what she said and I decided that is how it is for some of us.  You can't tell people how they are supposed to feel or that the emptiness they experience should be filled with some tenuous joy.  Not at all.  I am convinced however, that the emptiness can be a good sign, a normal process.  It may mean all of the other chicanery we once devised and depended upon have finally failed.  In other words, we no longer have anything we can depend upon in ourselves - we have come face to face with our reality - our existence. 
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Frequently it is in such darkness that one can see just a little, tiny point of light - deep in one's soul - maybe just for a flash... but it is just enough... just enough for the wait.

Water quenches a flaming fire.

Tears of repentance, loving tears born of love.
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Today's first reading on humility from the Book of Sirach read at Mass today, concludes with the verse, "Water quenches a flaming fire, and alms atone for sins." - Sirach 3:29  I can't recall where I read it, but I think the desert fathers may have interpreted "water quenches a flaming fire" as tears of repentance or compunction which in turn extinguish the flames of our passions.  And since the solitary is "too poor to help the poor" with material alms, I think charity expressed through prayer becomes his alms - thus atoning for sins by that means.  As the last monk in the video on my former post stated, "nothing can purify one more than prayer" - although I think suffering does so just as well, if not better for some of us.  "Prayer is good, but suffering is better" as Mother Mary Electa of Christ, OCD once said.
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"I had prayer of the heart, but I lost it."
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At the end of the video, the holy father told the interviewer he had once attained prayer of the heart but lost it, "due to my unworthiness."  The monk would of course tell us that this prayer, like all the contemplative stages of prayer we in the West identify as infused prayer, is sheer grace - it is a gift from God.  As we hear in today's Gospel, it would seem all are invited, but not all are given the ultimate or highest stage of prayer - whether one defines it as prayer of the heart or the prayer of union.  Like the monk in the video, some have tasted or experienced this prayer, but for some reason or another - often through self exultation and pride or even serious sin - end up losing it.  In that case, but for the grace of God we can once again find ourselves back in the lowest place - like the unfortunate fellow in the Gospel.
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All is not lost of course, since it is good to be humbled, to be found amongst the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind and those "too little to make their own living", as St. Therese would say;  "because everyone who humbles himself will be exalted."  - Luke: 14: 7-14
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There is great consolation in religion, provided one is content with a sufficiency.