“An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself.” - Albert Camus
It is getting boring. There is little left to say - as far as good things, things that could really help people. Although that is presumptuous to say. I can't help anyone. I also seem to be repeating myself - year after year - writing pretty much the same stuff over and over. Likewise, as I read other blogs, I notice the same pattern. Repetitive blogging - until the next scandal or disaster. But don't get excited - I won't stop blogging yet. I know I'm a disappointment to you, but join the club.
It is difficult not to view most bloggers as meddlesome busybodies - not so much the professional sites and reputable bloggers, I'm thinking of many of the small wanna-bes. I include myself in that category - I'm always self-critical about this stuff.
The blog interferes with daily life. When I was working, it took over my job. I never wanted to admit that. I can't see how someone can actually write posts on a daily basis, sometimes posting several posts a day - as well as keeping up on news, blogs, and twitter, facebook, and all the rest without neglecting the duties of one's state in life. When does one pray?
I've been asking myself: Is your mind, your heart in your prayer, your duties - that is where Our Lord is? Or do you experience everything as something to blog about - to discuss? Do you watch yourself think, pray, act? Do you focus your attention on the comments and links? Are you checking your emails and com box all the time? In other words, are you more interested in what people say and think - about you? Do you spend time formulating responses? Do you become upset that someone you don't even know said something that hurt your feelings? Do you spend too much time defending yourself against the opinions of bloggers and commenters who do not even know you; those who have no power over you, nor ability to affect you or your salvation?
Unless your job is to blog - and even then one can not only deceive oneself, one can also exploit the goodwill and generosity of others - I think there may be something wrong in your life - some responsibility you may be avoiding, some dissatisfaction you aren't recognizing. Perhaps you are not being honest - at least with yourself.
Maybe it's just me.
Gotta work on a painting.
Terry, you seriously underestimate yourself: what you do, unlike Catholic bloggers who, in my opinion, tend to become supercilious, is present your own angst, self-disappointment, discouragement, et al. That helps people because we are all infected with this....disappointment... in ourselves as well. I believe it is St Terese who addresses this isn't it - something about it being yet another opportunity for humility, to present to God yet again one's foolishness and need for salvation. What you may not think about is that your facility with language and expression is a Gift, to be shared, because Many if not Most people really don't have this ability: not only to express to others - but many do not have the words/coherent thoughts to express to themselves. This is not well-said: I think I mean...deep emotions, desperations, caverns of hopelessness are felt and not easily shared or showed, ever: to be able to read, anonymously, someone else's experience is only a help and often a true life-line. Regarding the over & over again nature of it all, if we are honest with outselves this is what it is all about, until (I believe only with confession) one realizes one day that one stumbling block has cleared and replaced with another.
ReplyDeleteToday I put my head down on the sink and sobbed for an hour, facing the truth that once again, at 60, I have fallen into the same pattern as I have repeated since a girl. Involving yet again another man, swerving toward yet another failure, yet another pattern of emotional abuse. I may Know all about the origins...all about my own delusions of self and others...so what. I am only a flawed person among so many who God yearns to comfort and rescue, and who is resisted through unknowing.
My opinion is just that your own ability to be transparent is one not to throw away or to stop sharing.
I really enjoy each day looking forward to your pictures, little/big observations, sometimes music, etc. Lou
It is disquieting just how close your thoughts on blogs, following blogs, writing blogs, responding to blogs are to mine. My profession has me HAVING to read endless articles, essays, journals, blogs, commentaries and having to listen to the questions, comments, theories, musings, and opinions of literally hundreds of people everyday. I find that I am looking at people I am called upon to listen and respond to and thinking to myself that I wish people could just be quiet for a moment.
ReplyDeleteIs it just me or does it feel that there are a great many people who feel that it is a moral imperative to give voice to every single thought that comes to mind? The number of people who classify themselves as freelance writers that I have met this year alone is mind boggling. When I ask them what made them become writers, the number one answer seems to be something along the lines of "I have so much I want to say and communicate!" The last time I was told this I think I got tears in my eyes and had to excuse myself thinking I was going to vomit out of soul crushing misery. Apologies for the hyperbole.
Anyway, Mr.Nelson, I have always enjoyed reading your blog for three reasons:
1) You appear to me as someone who is honest about not only about global goings on but especially about yourself.
2) You have NEVER claimed to be someone who has ANY answers let alone ALL the answers.
3) You have NEVER* taken what you are doing with this blog very seriously. (*Disclaimer: at least in the time I have been reading your blog.)
I think I was meant to find this particular posting today as I have not read your blog for over a month. If you were to quit blogging, I would thank you for all the eccentric, educational, and entertaining posts of the past, but I would also whole heartedly cheer you.
Um, and what about me, the reader of blogs? You write one blog. I read 60. It's an addiction?
ReplyDeleteTerry, what they all said.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, you say things here and display a candid honesty that is nowhere else to be found. I for one have always found something edifying here,and your awareness of your own failings combined with your honest love of Jesus is consoling.
I don't wanna say too man nice things, 'cause I know you don't want praise heaped on your head. But I hope it doesn't hurt your humility to say I admire your humility ...
You NEVER say you know the answers, and I have never seen anyone who is so fair all around. At least no one like that on a blog.
+JMJ+
ReplyDeleteBlogging brings out the worst in me (among other things). Just the other day, I was rolling my eyes at three colleagues who had huddled in a supplies closet to talk about the real reason our COO was resigning; but isn't that pretty much what I occasionally do online as well? No wonder Mark Shea called it "whispering." He was wrong, though: it's not "whispering" when it's this public.
Speaking of public, those colleagues of mine weren't actually huddled in a supplies closet. I just wrote that to be funny. They were in the common area, talking in normal voices, not caring who heard them. The only reason I didn't hang around and join them was that I have a crush on the manager the COO was having problems with, and I don't like hearing anything said against him, no matter how just. (What? You thought I left for virtuous reasons? Hah!)
There's another blogger whom I kind of fought with a few months ago and whom I'd like some closure with. (Do you know what got me most upset? That she wrote her rebuttal to one of my posts on her own blog instead of my combox and that she didn't even link me so that I'd know about it! And then she got a more lively discussion than I did!!! The nerve!!! . . . Yes, I can hear myself. LOL! =P)
I also think that closure may be completely impossible, given the way we "met" each other and the way we "threw down" online. You know those people who try to diffuse an online argument by saying, "If we ever run into each other in real life, we'd be laughing over this and sharing some beers"? I think that blogger and I are beyond that: if she and I ever run into each other in real life, we would be shocked at how different we are from how we come across . . . and we would still never want to be friends.
Yes, I think there's something wrong with both of us.
And with you, too, of course, Terry. Something very wrong with you. =)
Wow! Thanks for all the kind comments - except you Enbrethiel - haha - just kidding.
ReplyDeleteReally, thanks very much, all of you.
Ron - you may not be addicted, just bored. ;)
You realize that when you quit, I have to quit too. Us independent types have to stick together.
ReplyDeleteRon, if you are bored, I know how to solve your problem.
ReplyDeleteStart blogging.
What?
You know what Edna Ferber said:
ReplyDelete"It isn't one damn thing after another.It is the same damn thing over and over." ;)
I will tell you why I read this blog:
ReplyDelete1)I'm with Consolata, being able to express yourself is a gift. I did not have it. .but since reading this blog (you), I communicate better , particularly to myself
2)You sound very sincere and entertaining ..You said the blog takes over but many people are paid for what you provide here...I don't switch the tv on now
About the 'over and over again' , all of us start our your journey in life in one direction and PROVIDENTIALLY, we believe, find the Spirit to reverse the course and its like you want to remind yourself constantly and tell the world again and again. To maintain fidelity when you do not feel (not that its so) so strongly that there is anything new in God's help its not so easy and you keep your efforts up by reminding yourself the same story.
So I think it is fair that you demand some gratitude from your readers.
But If you feel you ought to be doing something different, don't listen to any of us ...Pray, pray, pray. ,
and thank you