"The gay men's version of a lifelong commitment doesn't necessarily include forsaking all others."

Gay marriage is not marriage.

If you keep calling it marriage, people begin to believe it is the same thing as heterosexual /natural marriage.  It is not.  Which is why I say two gay men can live together as life long friends and companions and do so chastely and celibately - celibate understood as unmarried.  I say that because sexual interest wanes.  But that's another post - one I've done before, just like this one:  I've said it all before.  I'm not a 'professional' however, so my opinion does not count.

Which is why I'm posting an excerpt/lead-in to Steven Thrasher's account The Truth of Gay Marriage.

If heterosexuals knew about how some gay men conduct open relationships, “I suspect, men will envy us.”

Any day now, possibly as soon as tomorrow, the Supreme Court of the United States will rule on whether or not access to civil marriage is the law of the land for any adult couple, gay or straight. If they do rule in favor of marriage equality, they can hardly be charged with being "activist judges," out of step with the average Joe. Instead, they'll be hurrying to catch up with a change in American perceptions on same-sex marriage that has been staggering. 

In the fight for marriage rights, gay activists have (smartly) put forward couples who embody a familiar form of unity. Straight people see Edith Windsor, the octogenarian lesbian widow fighting the Defense of Marriage Act, and they see a life that mirrors their own. The $300,000 tax bill she was slapped with when her wife died is an obvious injustice. 

But not all gay unions are built on the straight model, particularly when it comes to the issue of monogamy. The Gay Couples Study out of San Francisco State University—which, in following over 500 gay couples over many years is the largest on-going study of its kind—has found that about half of all couples have sex with someone other than their partner, with their partner knowing.  

Gay-rights groups are often nervous about sociologists or reporters looking too closely at what really happens in the bedrooms of gay relationships, out of fear that anti-gay activists will bludgeon them with a charge of sexual promiscuity, as a reason to deny them equal rights. But now that gays and lesbians are on the cusp of having access to marriage equality, will the conversation about monogamy change within queer culture? And would straight support have helped gays get the marriage rights they now have if the truly complex nature of sexual boundaries for gay couples were more openly talked about?

On the eve of this new era, I talked to a number of married gays and lesbians about these sometimes uncomfortable questions: a former Catholic priest from Connecticut who married his partner of three decades; a gay marriage and divorce attorney from Massachusetts; a highly religious, sexually monogamous couple in their thirties; two dads of infant children who are in a sexually open relationship; and a leading lesbian marriage equality advocate. - Finish reading here.

The above was written by a gay man who may or may not marry someday.  He would disagree with my assessment that same sex marriage is not, and cannot be equal to natural marriage, even if and when it becomes legal.  In fact, most gay people disagree with me.  I contend that redefining marriage to suit same sex couples, undermines and destroys traditional marriage.

Nevertheless, I actually do believe long-time companions have a great opportunity to come into the Church and embrace Church teaching on sexuality - as friends, helping one another to live chaste and celibate lives.  Mutual sexual interest is usually unsustainable without some sort of outside stimulus, and/or viagra.  Two same sex friends who would see that as an opportunity, still can't call their friendship marriage, but as they grow in grace, they will better understand why. 

I'm not posting this for a guy in his early 20's who is feeling his 'oats'.  I'm not writing this for people who have no time for religion or legal prohibitions against gay marriage and are determined to do what they want.  I'm writing this for anyone who desires to repent, return to the sacraments and grow in holiness, while helping his best friend to do the same.  Divorced and remarried couples face a similar dilemma and can do likewise.

If you are a gay man and you think you are married and believe you are both monogamous, that's just fine.  This post is not for you.


H/T Pewsitters - the best source for Catholic news online.

Gay Pride month is almost over!