Saturday, August 18, 2012

Loose ends...

Edward Hopper - Soir Bleu, 1914, Whitney Museum of Art, NYC.

Some people may find my posts uncomfortable lately.  A couple anonymous commenters certainly do.  What can I say?

I have nothing to add to that BTW.

Instead, I've got a few points I want to document regarding what I know about sexual abuse.

Since I was first molested/abused as a kid, I learned about deception.  I too learned how to lie from the perpetrators and those who covered for them.  More importantly, I got to be really good at detecting liars.  The upshot is that I usually can see through, or around the facades men try to hide behind... the mask, the costume, the mime, as it were.   

That said - don't fool yourself - men who have sex with boys are gay or same sex attracted.  I don't know why I have to repeat that so often.  To be sure, not all gay men have sex with boys or young men - nor are they even interested, attracted, or tempted in that way.  Likewise, not all men who have been sexually abused turn out to be abusers themselves - in fact, most do not.  Most do not even turn out to be gay or bisexual.  Yet one cannot deny that there is a category within gay culture not included in its LGBTQ handle - and that is man-boy love - NAMBLA.

Random anecdotal experience #1.

I was aware of other men's interest in young men and boys at almost every stage in my early life.  From those who used me, as well as the neighborhood perverts and the boys who serviced them.  The neighborhood guys would buy kids booze in exchange for a BJ - so the pervs were servicing the boys?  As a kid I had a friend within that milieu whom I later came to find out slept with his much younger nephew - whenever the kid spent the weekend.  It went on for years.  As an adult the same friend complained to me that an acquaintance of ours forced himself upon my my friend (not the nephew) - they were both adults - but my friend pretended he was 'assaulted' or forced into it.  These people are liars and live in denial - they actually believe they are not guilty of crimes.*
I know - that paragraph is really random and ill constructed.

Random anecdotal experience #2.

When I began working in the presentation department of a major department store, I found out the predatory nature of gay men interested in young boys and younger men.  "Young and dumb and full of ___!" they said of them as if they were an entree on a restaurant menu.  I've mentioned before the president of the company seduced boys in the Varsity department fitting rooms - it was common knowledge.  One of my early managers was well known to prefer really young boys.  Management and the goodie two shoes amongst the department and general store employees knew his profile.  not unlike the recent Sandusky scandal - no one ever did anything but shake their heads and gossip about it.

Predator - enabler.

Factoid:  Like Christopher Isherwood's boys of Berlin - the boys were either dismissed as street life, or opportunists looking for advancement or money.  Perhaps they were.  Yet those who ignore, dismiss or excuse homosexuals who have sex with young boys are in fact enablers.  They help perpetuate the cycle of abuse.  Those who deny its existence do likewise.

Random anecdotal experience #3.

I almost forgot.  I had a priest friend once tell me about a brother in his community who taught in one of their schools.  (Not here.)  The brother's appetite for young males was thought to be insatiable - he was considered a sex addict.  He battled it, going to confession after each fall, seeking spiritual direction month after month, year after year.  My friend chuckled and said, "The poor brother will wrestle with this until he dies."  No one in authority put a stop to it.  The brother lived amongst enablers - enablers who protected him.
Factoid:  Did you know - historically - many of the men who like boys work in occupations where they can meet them?  Did you know some are dads or single mom's live-in boyfriends?  Many of the people I have met-known or known-of over the years, were teachers, coaches, priests, brothers, display directors, waiters, and even a florist and a barber. 

Stuff to think about.
*Bonus factoid:  Adult males are not victims of sexual predators - adults can usually resist and defend themselves - unless they are drugged or threatened with a weapon or something.  
Once someone told me that she slept with her priest.  She was an adult woman.  I don't see sexual abuse there - just cooperation in evil.

Policy note:  Remember, Anonymous comments will not be published, nor will comments with links embedded. 


  1. Very well said and elucidated Terry. I've not run across such candor among most Catholics I know regarding this issue. I've lived all my life in a time when there is an excuse for every kind of behaviour no matter how sinful and despicable. You are very wise. How do you think the Church should best deal with this situation? You said that you can detect liars fairly well. I just wondered how candidates for the priesthood and religious life could best be screened?

    1. Screening is most likely adequate - but accountability, monitoring, tracking, seems to me to be the big fail.

  2. Of course I have seen sexual predators in seedy older men after my adolescent girls too & yeah this as a man ho is still employed by the Church..

  3. Anonymous11:14 AM

    It's uncomfortable to see how you misunderstand the phenomenon and play the willing patsy for those who are trying to destroy the Church.

    Of course, then you proceed to distort people's statements and their intentions in a histrionic way.

  4. Thanks for that great comment Anonymous - gosh! If you'd only sign your name - I'd publish it.

    You have great insight into my psychological problems - I appreciate that.

    Pray for me please - you are right about everything you told me. God bless you.

    (Nope - I'm not being sarcastic in the least!)

  5. "The upshot is that I usually can see through, or around the facades men try to hide behind"

    I'm a bit like that but the problem is, I tend to suspect people other people really admire and fawn over (vomit), and I worry I'm being judgmental or sinful, even if only in my private thoughts. Anyway, I find it best 2 suspect everyone initially.

    As for uncomfortable posts, bring 'em on!!

    Go here for more info about sharing used buttons :


  6. I remember reading a testimony once from a girl who said she was sexually abused by a seminarian whilst they were both on a retreat. Read a bit further and it turned out the "girl" at the time was 21.


Please comment with charity and avoid ad hominem attacks. I exercise the right to delete comments I find inappropriate. If you use your real name there is a better chance your comment will stay put.