Private thoughts from the toilet... made public..
My mother often asked me that question; "What the hell goes through your mind?", and I'd lie and say, "I don't know?" Another time a commenter to this blog scolded me and wrote, "You don't have to write everything you think about." (I thought, "Oh shut up!")
Most people who read my posts and are the recipients of my comments also wonder the same thing. So here are some things I think about when I'm engaged in mindless works, such as brushing my teeth and other stuff - geniuses do their best thinking in the shower you know!
Some things I thought about today while showering and shaving...
Women and make-up. Why do they wear it? I have to admit that I like women with make-up - if they do it right. I love dark smokey eyes on women - like Janet Jackson used to wear - I've always liked women with eye-liner and heavy mascara. I hate colored eye shadows though - you know, how old women wear blues and greens, and you can see all the creases.
I hate hard, red lips - especially on blondes... now this thought came to me as I looked in the mirror, with foamy toothpaste dripping out of my mouth, down my chin, and I noticed that my lips were darker than the rest of the skin on my face. So then I wondered why and realized that is why women wear dark lipstick - you get it? I still like pale lips though.
Have you ever wondered what happens to the stuff you flush down the toilet? Like where does it go? I know, the sewer and the sewage plant - but how does it get there from my house? Is it a continual flow of water that carries it away?
Thinking about bloggers, I wondered how many there are who really do have mental problems - or how many are as Catholic as they seem to be? Don't you ever wonder about that? Then I said to myself, "Don't get started on that bullshit!" I drive myself nuts sometimes. A very long time ago, when I would drop acid - years ago - no one liked to trip with me because I'd get so intense about analyzing people and things. I always ended up freaking out because I ended up categorizing and pigeon-holing everyone, and I didn't like what I saw. I think that is why I now like mentally ill people so much - they do that - it doesn't mean they are right of course. I wasn't always correct.
Arguing with people. Why do people who disagree, while both believing that what they believe is truth, bother to argue or debate? Doesn't the one cancel out the other? Say you meet someone who by his lifestyle and actions is hell-bent on going to hell, and he doesn't believe as you do about salvation and stuff. Why not leave him alone and let him go to hell?
Normal - in a way I always wanted to be normal, but when I looked around at what people commonly associate with normal - it scared the hell out me. Mental people often think they are normal - these are some of the types who blog. (Remember, I'm not normal, so I'm in another category. And both my Dr. and Spiritual Director told me I'm not mentally ill! Gosh! That means I'm culpable then!)
"Your life is in the toilet."
As I was shaving, I had to wonder why I do it - shaving that is. (I haven't shaved in 3 days.) I'm just as ugly shaven or unshaven - why do I even care how I look? When I go to the store - which I intend to do in a minute - I'll see ugly fat people just like me who don't care what they look like. A lot of guys don't shave - well - some women don't either.
Why do women have to wear skirts and dresses? What's wrong with wearing pants - if they didn't wear dresses and skirts, they wouldn't have to shave - same with sleeveless tops. Women make their lives hard for themselves - men don't.
A commenter on another post on same sex sexual harassment was miffed that I excluded male to female sexual harassment. Hello! That's all we ever hear about anyway. She mentioned how guys always look at her boobs. I wanted to ask, well do you wear tight tops? Do you wear t-shirts with printing on them? Do guys read the printing? I mean, where are people supposed to look, busty? Dress like a slut - look like a slut - a guy is going to look... not that wearing printed t-shirts is slutty - not at all - I was just thinking of how some younger women do kind of dress, should I say, less modestly.
Impressions - snap judgements - we all fall prey to that stuff... it gets old - and we are usually wrong about something. (Except me - I really know a great deal about people...)
Speaking of old - Dyed hair. Not on old guys. Most women probably should dye their hair though - or at least get hi-lights. (If they dye their hair, they should always have hi-lights, otherwise it looks dyed, and that looks dumb. Just like women with tight perms.)
Somehow all of this leads back to eternity - not the cologne though. Every once in a while I get this "Ah! I don't know what" feeling popping into my consciousness. I once referred to this as a 'contemplative moment' and some bitch commented, "I don't think there are any contemplatives here" - she meant on my blog. (See how scary it is to reveal your true thoughts?)
Ms. Religious-know-it-all-I-have-a-degree-in-theology didn't get the point. What I was referring to was when sometimes, just for a split second, you can get a glimpse - it happens to kids all of the time - like when they are starring at the sky and the thought of eternity enters in, only to disappear before they can grasp it... faster than the speed of light. It happens. And when it happens, most of the stuff I think about seems pretty stupid.
I wondered who is going to win "America's Got Talent" tonight as well. Don't you just love Sharon Osborne? She used to be a porker.
Then I was thinking how Chris Cuomo on GMA reminds me of Little Freak. I felt badly because Little Freak hasn't called, stopped over - even though I never let him in - he hasn't emailed, nothing. All I can think of is that he's found out the true me and doesn't like me.
(I think Fergie is hot.)
When my mother was dying and she and I were planning her funeral, she told me she was sure no one would ever show up because no one liked her. (That's where I got that attitude!) Her funeral was packed with people I had never met - losers she had often been kind to and befriended, as well as a few notable people. (A tear; forefinger tracing it down my cheek.)
We are all going to die - then everyone will know...
Are you ever afraid that if people find out the true you they won't like you? I know! And that explains why I never socialize, talk on the phone, or write about what goes through my mind - although I'm kind of doing that now.
I have to go to the store, and the bank, and I want to make a visit at Church. They lock up in the afternoon, so I pull up to the door in my car, and sit there, making my visit from outside - since the entire church is really one big tabernacle - don't you agree? After all, Matt Talbot used to kneel in prayer on the church steps before the sacristan unlocked it for morning Mass.
Anyway - I really have to go - but I thought I'd write about what goes through my mind. It changes all the time - LOL!