Outing

[Ed. Note: I heard from Joe Sciambra, he was not attempting to 'out' Fr. Martin at all, he simply copied and pasted the story from The Bay Area Reporter interview with Martin – he did that with the title of the blog post which came right from the interview.  Joseph said if people want to take issue with the article, they should go after The Bay Area Guardian. Sciambra offered no personal commentary in the blog post, nor did he intend it to be an outing.  My apologies for believing that was his intention.]

'Most of the vicious stuff has been from the far right.' - Fr. James Martin

Last night Scott Eric Alt posted a link on Facebook regarding Joe Sciambra's blog post "James Martin prefers not to make public his own sexuality."

I was annoyed and spontaneously posted a critical comment, which I removed after Melinda Selmys graciously posted a rather sympathetic comment regarding Sciambra and why he might do a post most readers consider an attempt to out Fr. Martin.

Why do people want to out others?

In Fr. Martin's case, I believe it may be connected to the 'gay-lobby' theory of gays infiltrating the Catholic Church.  I think they believe if they can reveal Martin's sexuality - sexual preference - sexual inclination - whatever they want people to call it, they can somehow prove he is trying to undermine Catholic teaching and is part of the 'gay-lobby' intent upon doing so.

Likewise, when a priest 'comes out' - credibility is shot.  Orthodoxy is questioned.  How?  By the mere fact he would dare identify as gay or homosexual.  Even if he said he had SSA - doubts would pop up.  Is he celibate?  Is he chaste?  Does he like young men and boys?  What if ...?  See how that works?

Last night I said gays like to out people - frequently, even SSA Catholics do - at least in my experience.  Politically, revealing the sexuality of otherwise closeted people helps to demonstrate that even upstanding, well respected, accomplished individuals can be and are gay.  The more people out, the more acceptable society needs to be.  Ex-gays, SSA Catholics can also want to out people for various reasons.  They don't want to be left behind, ignored, or missed?  I don't know?  They want to be acknowledged for their fidelity to Catholic teaching?  Perhaps there is a vindictive motivation?  I'm not sure.

When I first began blogging a gay Catholic reader and a Courage member, told me that another popular blogger with whom he corresponded wanted to know if I was 'one of them' - and the consensus was 'yep - he's one of us'.  Whenever I wrote about chastity or gay issues, I had comments that I was gay, in the closet, this or that, and that if I was honest - I'd reveal all of that to readers.  Gay activists and gay Catholics wanted me 'outed' - and of course straight readers wanted me outed as well.  I laughed because I thought, well, if it's so obvious, why should I say anything at all?  It's no ones business.

They lay up heavy burdens hard to carry.

Nevertheless, it still amazes me, especially since many Catholics love to bang the theologically correct rules over the heads of anyone who uses LGBTQ terminology or dares to say 'I'm gay - but celibate' - in other words, they live a chaste life in obedience to Catholic teaching.  Yeah but!  You can't say gay, you can't be gay and Catholic.  Then, you can't have gay friends.  Once Fr. Z asked, "Why would anyone want gay friends?"  There seems to be an entirely occult list of protocols one needs to adhere to in order to be a good Catholic suffering from same sex attraction.  The language on both sides of this coin is so convoluted and dissociative, it's frustrating as hell.  Who wants that sort of identity in the first place?  Why would you even tell anyone you have same sex attraction - like it's a disease - what does that even mean to anyone outside the confessional?  I certainly do not suffer from same sex attraction - I've suffered temptations against chastity, but attractive people do not in anyway cause me to suffer.

The Church proclaims that she cannot be so callous as to identify someone by their sexual preferences, inclination, or attraction.  Therefore, these religious folk who want to out everyone else should be ashamed of themselves.  In a strange way, they actually contradict the Catholic teaching they lay on the backs of others when they insist someone should “make public his own sexuality.”

That said, I admire Fr. Martin, who like Pope Francis respects the person who chooses to identify in the way they experience themselves to be.  To accept people where they are at - right now - in the present moment.  I disagree with Fr. Martin on several points, I don't believe people are necessarily 'born that way', and I believe chastity is necessary in gay friendship/partnership, and so on.  I also would never endorse New Ways Ministry.  Yet Fr. Martin's sexuality should not be an issue here, he is a Jesuit priest, celibate and vowed to chastity.

The stigma of being gay friendly.

There is a long standing problem with this entire project of outing a priest - it's a contradiction.  When I was working to have a Courage group formed in my diocese, Fr. Harvey wrote a letter to the Archbishop, I asked numerous priests to help - no one would touch it.  "You are on your own Terry." In the 1980's, and probably today, any priest who ministers to gay people is immediately suspect, or at least considered 'gay friendly'.  Even when it involves Courage, no one would touch it unless they were assigned by the local ordinary - otherwise there might be talk - that was the stigma attached.

These types of posts by Sciambra and others are not helpful to anyone.  It quickly feeds the gossip mill and may come close to detraction - and borders on slander.  No matter how deeply we are hurt, or have been hurt through abuse or sexual degradation, we have no right to impugn the character of another.  With all due respect to Joe Sciambra, he needs to be careful not to allow himself be exploited by those religious people who use his testimony indiscreetly.  Likewise, he needs to be more discreet in his apostolate and the repetition of his pre-conversion story, which others seem to love to sensationalize.  He's a good man, no doubt, and his message is important.  He needs to beware the temptation to celebrity.

Interestingly, on the post I referred to from last night, he was more or less attacked and criticized rather severely.  One commenter dismissed him as a 'minor blogger' while others said, 'who is Joseph Sciambra' - all little ways of diminishing him, of discounting his credibility, while reducing his person to a sort of caricature.  Melinda Selmys pointed that out in her commentary, which was removed when the thread was deleted by the originator of the discussion.

This isn't really a huge issue for me any longer.  Although I can get myself pulled into a discussion, I don't think it's as important as I used to.   People need time and maturity - and faith - to work things out.  The key is perseverance.  Don't be afraid.  So many people online are afraid and they strike fear in others.  Don't be afraid.