Close Encounters

Of the Facebook kind.

Since being on Facebook, relatives I never knew I had, never met, as well as old friends I've neither seen or spoken with in decades, have popped up in my message box, and/or friend-me box, to connect online.  I can only imagine what they think when and if they go through the posts on my blog or Facebook site.  Without knowing my humor and craziness, as well as my 'formation' I can only imagine what they might think.  Therefore, getting unfriended shouldn't surprise me - but it sometimes does.

When it comes to relatives or friends I've known and loved, yet lost contact with, I have to admit the unfriending thing can awaken old fears and self-doubt.  In other words, I can get sidetracked by concerns over what people might think of me, and that's a huge waste of time.

It's kind of cool to have that sort of contact, but I don't have a lot to say to them.  I've pretty much used my blog as a journal and oftentimes write about my life - as I experienced it - not as others saw it.  In a way I feel more vulnerable, more judged because of it.  When I consider that they have lived their lives without me all of these years, I should understand why I wouldn't fit in well now, much less be understood - but acknowledging that objectively is not as easy as it sounds.  Life sometimes seems to be comprised of a series of departures and arrivals, people show up to wish you well, and then they bid you adieu.  I guess I was the one who always abruptly departed, so as not to be left behind.  But they had no way of knowing that.

My old friend David sent me the following poem a long time ago ... I use it often to express something difficult for me to articulate.

The Art of Disappearing 

When they say Don't I know you?
say no.

When they invite you to the party

remember what parties are like 

before answering.

Someone telling you in a loud voice

they once wrote a poem.

Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.

Then reply.

If they say We should get together
say why?

It's not that you don't love them anymore.

You're trying to remember something

too important to forget.

Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.

Tell them you have a new project.

It will never be finished.

When someone recognizes you in a grocery store

nod briefly and become a cabbage.

When someone you haven't seen in ten years

appears at the door,

don't start singing him all your new songs.

You will never catch up.

Walk around feeling like a leaf.

Know you could tumble any second.

Then decide what to do with your time.  -Naomi Shihab Nye

Song for this post here.