Amy Winehouse spirituality

Our Lady of the Forsaken, 

patroness of the insane, abandoned, 

avoided and excluded and despised,

the no good, 

pray for us!

Yesterday's Gospel helped me realize something.

It's an old guy's Gospel.  Not some young guy coming to his senses and going back to the sacraments - like I thought I was the prodigal son returning.  No. No. No.

Because I kept falling back.  I squandered my whole life ... I'm not going to make a public penance here - but believe me - I squandered just about every grace I was ever given.  And ... I am brought to nothing.  I went to confession with that.

Now my prayer really is the sinners prayer ... 

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya I was troubled

You know that I'm no good ...

That's what I mean by Amy Winehouse spirituality, or prayer.

So, in prayer we need to be honest and straight with our Lord. We need to tell him about our temptations and sins and fears.  Who or what I like and don't want to give up - and I need to talk to him about it. Prayer has to be real.  Say - 'look at me, Lord!'  'Have mercy on me a sinner!'  'I told you I was troubled, you know I'm no good.'  St. Philip Neri used to pray, 'Lord, you can't trust Philip.'  It's the same thing ...

We, I need to ask him to help me at every step, and to supply for what I can't do on my own. 

"Lord - what am I supposed to do? How?" This kind of prayer, before the rosary or the hours, lets him know we don't want to be rigid and isolated, that we finally acknowledge how powerless we are. In effect, we give up all our lies and affectations, confessing our failure to will or accomplish. We need to surrender, and ask him to make us holy the way he wants us to be holy - not a carbon copy of this or that model of holiness. Without decorous pretending. No dressing up and pretending.

Repeat as necessary. After every fall.  After every betrayal.

Know what I'm saying? It's my Amy Winehouse approach 'you know I'm no good'. I can't be trusted. I have no merits of my own. I can't do anything by myself. I need Jesus and his merits - transmitted through the sacraments. Know what I'm trying to say?

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.

Song for this post here.