On conversion and healing ...
Someone who is free of his infirmity is ...
"someone who no longer attracts attention ..." - Adrienne Von Speyer
That's what has been wrong here. Conversion story blogs keep picking at the sores - the wounds. For ten years I've been dancing around this stuff, calling attention to my wounds, my sins, my disabilities. Licking my wounds, as it were. Protesting too much. Then convincing myself that I have something to say about this or that or the other thing. Seeking and attracting attention - to myself.
Some bloggers do that a lot.
I just saw a thing from a guy whose evangelization and apologetics is more or less based upon his conversion story and pursuit of some sort of online ministry - he was quoted at length, writing about how imperative it is for Christians to judge; because everyone says 'do not judge' when some one calls another one out... and although Christ said 'do not judge' we always seem to do it anyway. Some apologists - much like this guy - spend a great deal of time explaining why they are correct in judging, suggesting that "not to judge is not to love." Oddly enough - this same fellow misjudged me once. A good lesson BTW, since I have misjudged many in my life ... but I digress.
Ones conversion experience does not justify the feeling that one is one of the "elect". - Pope Benedict
Someone who is free of his infirmity ...
One has to want to be free. One has to want to be healed. One has to believe, or at least hope God will free him - all of that is true. All of that takes time, and it definitely takes humility. Humility often comes through hard falls, hard knocks, harsh judgments endured - some true, others maybe a penance supplying for hidden faults unknown to others. Humiliations are the stepping stones to humility, as Mother Teresa said.
The humble man cannot judge. He can't look down on others. For shame - actually humility in another guise - leads the humble man to no longer attract attention to himself, much less judge the conduct of others.
When we fall into that trap of setting ourselves up as judge and calling attention to ourselves by calling out the faults of others, we can still repent, we can still begin again - while there is still 'time' ... we can finally come to understand that everything is a grace, that it is sheer gift ...
As the pope stated in his book: "For as long as we are alive it is always possible to start over, all we have to do is let Jesus embrace us and forgive us."
"There is medicine, there is healing, we only need to take a small step toward God, or at least express the desire to take it," he continued, saying "a tiny opening is enough."
Best advice: Do not judge.