See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains. - James 5:7

Monday, August 06, 2012

Triggers





Always there to remind me.

It seems to me that some people who have experienced childhood sexual abuse can experience a sort of post-traumatic-stress-disorder, even long after they assume they have already resolved and come to terms with issues related to the abuse and early sexualization, which happened to them so long ago.  Sometimes, the most obscure incident can act as a trigger, resurrecting memories of particular incidents.  Something as simple as a scent can initiate a flash back.  It still happens to me of course, but I'm more or less accustomed to the experience and seem to be able to handle it better than I used to do.

In the post immediately before this one, I mentioned the details of a specific incident which triggered one such memory.  When we were little - people who have gone through sexual abuse that is - we were usually not permitted to speak about it.  In fact, not only did we blame ourselves for those sins, anyone who ever found out about what happened, blamed us as well.  Hence we were always wrong about happened, how we felt, what we said, what we did, and so on. 

Believe me, I know what abuse is - in all of its forms.  I know what scandal is.  I know what post-traumatic-stress is.  I know what harm adult misbehavior and bad example does to kids.  I know how self-interested people try to stifle, or twist the  truth to fit their agenda or cover-up their crimes.  I know what it is like to have bad parents.  I know about the lives of gay men.  I know about repressed memories.  I know about implantation of memories by therapists.  I also know about being falsely accused.

Remember, what you do to kids, what you show to kids, what you do in front of kids, remains in their defenseless heart...  

I would rather have a millstone around my neck than be responsible for scandalizing a kid.

 

12 comments:

  1. The problem is that many (most?) of those scandalizing the little ones have absolutely NO IDEA that they are even doing so. That illustrates just how devastating the effects of being in the state of mortal sin can be. What we are witnessing with the official approval of same sex marriage among governments and even sadly among churchmen is diabolical and truly insane. I think the Anglican Church illustrates what happens with people when they reject the natural order of God's law.

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  2. well said, Terry. As I approach 60, I can still recall with crystal clarity the way my parents behaved - two alcoholics in need of parenting themselves...what it did to the three of us kids and the repercussions that echo to this day. My mother died this past January, 95, and I took care of them both to the end. There are no answers in this life - and maybe no consolations - or few and far between. However - do not you not ever feel grateful for events that brought you near to God in your desperations ? I do....Lou

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    1. Lou - I really do feel grateful. Thanks.

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  3. Terry:

    I have been reading a lovely little book called "Archbishop Fulton Sheen's St. Therese: A Treasured Love Story". It is a collection of sermons he gave on Therese.He was a third order Carmelite, as I am sure you know. I thought of you:

    "The one lesson you want to understand is that Christ is using you. He is using you for others. We have to save the Church. We have to save some priests. We have to save some nuns. We have to save the faithful. We have to save the communists. We have to save our country, make it peaceful. All of the sufferings combined can do that.

    Whenever there is silence around me, by day or by night, I am startled by a cry. It came down from the cross the first time I heard it. And I went out and searched and found a man in the throes of the crucifixtion.

    And I said, " I will take you down," and I tried to take the nails out of His feet.

    But He said, "Let them be. For I cannot be taken down until every man, woman, and child come to take me down."

    But I said, " What can I do? I cannot bear Your cry!"

    And, he said, "Go into the world and tell everyone you meet, there is a Man on the cross."

    I remember once you said, and I have never forgotten it, "everywhere we meet the cross". I know you understand well every word Sheen penned here, Terry. And well also understand, "O Hail the Cross, our only Hope." God bless you Terry from one who knows too this darkness shared...

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    1. Maria - thanks very much - that is beautiful. You are a good friend.

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  4. Back at you, Terry :)

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  5. The abuse of little ones is death...I think however even supposed "good" parents harm their children at times - I think parents need to ensure children know problems or difficulties are not their fault but the fault of the adults - we always had to keep saying sorry growing up - sorry for what! Childhood experiences are lasting - causes of eating disorders, depression & addictions & sexual disorders in adulthood imho ..

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