Resentment and the rememberance of wrongs.
A profound and hidden mystery is the fall of man. It is impossible for a person to understand it by his own powers. This is because one of the consequences of the fall is mental blindness, which prevents the mind from seeing the depths and darkness of the fall. Our fallen state deceptively appears to be a state of triumph, and the land of exile seems to be an exceptional field of progress and enjoyment.
What a different picture and how terrible is the sight that meets our gaze when the mystery is disclosed to us. When by divine guidance the abysses of hell are laid bare in the depth of the heart, how is it possible not to be filled with fear.
'God is Love.' [1Jn. 4:8,16] Consequently resentment or rejection of love is rejection of God. God withdraws from a resentful person, deprives him of his grace, is definitely estranged from him, and gives him up to spiritual death, unless he makes a shift in good time to be healed of that deadly moral poison, resentment." - The Arena, Chapter 40
Resentment is like the worm that does not die, and the fire that never ends...
I'm convinced that this vice is one reason why we constantly fall back into the same sins, or why we are not healed of this or that affliction - be it moral, mental, or physical. True - aside from breaking with sin, not all of us are meant to be healed of our infirmities, because sometimes they are meant to sanctify us and those around us (redemptive suffering) - but resentment and rememberance of wrongs may often be the impediment to the spiritual peace and joy needed to bear our trials with patience and equinamity. I have experienced this so often in my life, it seems to me to be true. I think it is a process however, an act of the will is needed to forgive and quit accusing one another - since it seems to me that is what we do when we remember how someone wronged us. It is a struggle against nature of course - something our ego resists, and the world derides.
We so often forget that we cannot say with any efficacy, "Lord, Lord" and continue to hate our brother, or ask for forgiveness without forgiving one another. It is forbidden by the Lord who commands us, "Do not resist injury. Pray for those who hate you." And so on.
I fall everyday, sometimes seven times seven times a day in this way. Who can heal me?
"When oppressed by difficult and painful circumstances, let us have recourse to God in prayer; for in his complete power are we and our enemies and our circumstances and the circumstances of all men. He can by his absolute power and supremacy dispose of and arrange everything; he can instantly overcome and annihilate all the greatest difficulties. Let us pray for our enemies with great care, and by this prayer obliterate the malice from their hearts and replace it with love. 'He who prays for people who offend and wrong him crushes the demons; but he who resists or opposes the former is wounded by the latter,' said St. Mark the Ascetic." - Ibid..
Photo: Landscape after the Russian fires.