Part II: A Christmas Carol....

The Ghost of Christmas present...

" The moment Scrooge's hand was on the lock, a strange voice called him by his name, and bade him enter. He obeyed.

It was his own room. There was no doubt about that. But it had undergone a surprising transformation. The walls and ceiling were so hung with living green, that it looked a perfect grove; from every part of which, bright gleaming berries glistened. The crisp leaves of holly, mistletoe, and ivy reflected back the light, as if so many little mirrors had been scattered there; and such a mighty blaze went roaring up the chimney, as that dull petrification of a hearth had never known in Scrooge's time, or Marley's, or for many and many a winter season gone. Heaped up on the floor, to form a kind of throne, were turkeys, geese, game, poultry, brawn, great joints of meat, sucking-pigs, long wreaths of sausages,
mince-pies, plum-puddings, barrels of oysters, red-hot chestnuts, cherry-cheeked apples, juicy oranges, luscious pears, immense twelfth-cakes, and seething bowls of punch, that made the chamber dim with their delicious steam. In easy state upon this couch, there sat Holly Golightly, glorious to see, who bore a glowing torch, in shape not unlike a long cigarette holder, and held it up, high up, to shed its light on Scrooge, as he came peeping round the door.

'Come in!' exclaimed the Ghost. 'Come in! and know me better, man.'"

Holly Golightly: "Dahling! Don't be frightened! It's Christmas! Oooooo! I love the new picture on your profile, much more dreamy than George Peppard ever was." (Peppard starred with Audrey in the classic film, "Breakfast At Tiffany's".) "You do so look like Harrison Ford tonight!" Cooed the phantom who looked remarkably like Audrey Hepburn from "Breakfast at Tiffany's". In fact I couldn't find one flaw - except I think today her blonde streaks would look much more natural. hairdressers blend everything so well today.

TN: "Is this another interview? Because I was so tricked in the the recent interviews I've done and I don't want to be taken advantage of again!" I warned, quickly adding, "Aren't you, Audre...."

HG: "Yes dahling it is me, or rather Holly...who'd you expect, Roz Russell? She's much too old - all those diamonds - they're tacky before forty ya know!" She said exhaling a large puff of smoke into my face. "Your interview days are over - we are so going to celebrate Christmas my angel!"

TN: "But you're...er...dead...and you are so over 40!" I protested.

HG: "Not tonite Harry!" (She sounded so much like Kalista Flockhart, obviously referring to me as Harrison Ford! I looked in the mirror - oh my gosh! I look exactly like the picture on my profile - this is a magical night!) "Dahling - I'm Holly - Holly can never die - she most definitely is the ghost of Christmas present...now c'mon - let's get going - I don't have much time..." And she jumped down calling for Cat and we were off!

We found ourselves outside a club downtown - the Village in NYC - not Minneapolis; we could feel the music pounding, resonating in my bones. Walking into the club, the dance floor was filled - just like the old Studio 54 - everyone dancing with lite-sticks, the women all dressed up in lame and with glitter everywhere, twinkling in the strobe lights. Playing was the remix version of one of Janet Jackson's songs, "Escapade" I think - switching suddenly to Toni Braxton's "C'mon Over Here", and then old stuff from Donna Summer - "Rumor has It" - on and on! Holly and I danced and everyone was watching us - I so forgot I was looking like my profile picture - with HER - in her "Tiffany's" Givenchy dress! I never felt so hot! (Forgive me that lapse into vanity!)

HG: "Now, Mr. Nelson - I'll give you exactly 15 minutes to stop being so fabulous!" She said laughing, throwing her hands in the air like she just don't care!

Moments later we were in the back bar, and there was my dear friend Kelly with my other 'club' friends, laughing, reminiscing about when I used to be out and about with them and all the strange things I used to do...

TN: "Holly, they thought I was fun! They actually miss me." Doing my Sally Fields Oscar acceptance speech imitation, I exclaimed, "They love me! They really, really love me!" Gaining my composure, I continued on a more sober vein insisting, " But I can no longer be out partying like this. The stuff I used to do wasn't very good....I drank too much, smoked too much...did 'lines' in the bathroom...it was fun - but I went home alone....and very, very sad. Sin isn't really fun you know."

HG: "Oh, dahling! Not when you're doing it...but, my heavens, you're absolutely right - what was I thinking - this isn't the life for you any longer!" She said laughing and quickly adding, "I think you went to confession about 12 times a week at the time your friends are referring to - this isn't the Christmas present we want for you." She winked mischieviously, adding, "Although it was fun!"

Suddenly I found myself at my sister's house, all aglow with my nephew Rob's lights. All of my nieces and nephews were there. Instead of the horrible Elvis Christmas music I always heard at Beth's house, they had lovely old Motown Christmas music playing, interspersed with medieval Christmas recordings, as well as Gregorian chant - with just a little bit of dance-trance stuff mixed in.

Everyone was laughing and watching old videos of myself doing and saying silly things. My sister Beth got tears in her eyes and said, "He's such a jerk, but I love him!"

While my loving nephew Todd, who looks exactly like Kevin Kostner, with his wife Carey, who looks exactly like Heather - you don't know who she is - but she looks like Catherine Zeta Jones - they lean over and hug Beth saying;

"Oh mom - don't be sad - uncle Terry has a lot of issues - it's not us! We know he loves you and misses you."

I looked at Holly, tears in my eyes, "That's my sweet nephew!"

Holly was drinking champagne and stroking Cat, looking up suddenly she said, "What?"

Instantly we were at the Lexington in St. Paul for the Company party - and I was being toasted! "To Mr. Scrooge!"

"'It's your Uncle Scrooge!'

Which it certainly was. Admiration was the universal sentiment, though some objected that the reply to 'Is it a bear?' ought to have been 'Yes;' inasmuch as an answer in the negative was sufficient to have diverted their thoughts from Mr Scrooge, supposing they had ever had any tendency that way.

'He has given us plenty of merriment, I am sure,' said Keevin, 'and it would be ungrateful not to drink his health. Here is a glass of mulled wine ready to our hand at the moment; and I say,"Uncle Scrooge!" '

'Well. Uncle Scrooge!' they cried.

'A Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to the old man, whatever he is.' said Scrooge's friend Keevin. 'He wouldn't take it from me, but may he have it, nevertheless. Uncle Scrooge!'

Uncle Scrooge had imperceptibly become so gay and light of heart, that he would have pledged the unconscious company in return, and thanked them in an inaudible speech, if the Ghost had given him time. But the whole scene passed off in the breath of the last word spoken by his nephew; and he and the Spirit were again upon their travels."

TN: "Holly! They were toasting me! And they called me 'uncle' - I think Paul said that - or was it Ann?" I said in complete astonishment.

HG: "Honey - they just said you're 'gay and light of heart!" Holly said laughing hysterically, still smoking her long cigarette holder - which was no longer lighted.

TN: "Pay no attention to any of that - they meant funny, Holly - not gay! Geesh! This is so not KQ!" (A local radio station that accuses everyone of being gay.)!"

HG: Laughing, "Oh! Harry! You remind me a bit of Doc - you know - Loula Mae's husband who tried to get me to go back with him from New York." Getting all dreamy, Holly's eyes filled with tears, remembering her good-bye to Doc in the film, that wrenching scene in the bus depot.

Then Holly pointed towards Linda's house, my dearest friend in the world. It was a loveless marriage she was in, Fred was in his room, while Linda sat alone in the living room, smoking - I have always told her that is why she has so many bags and lines in her face - oops - that's Christmas future - sorry Linda...

TN: I shouted, "What is this? Why is she so sad?"

Linda sat gazing upon the Christmas tree with all of the ornaments I had painted for her and her mother, mesmerized by our Christmases past...

HG: "She's never been happy without...er...y..."

TN: "But Holly - I entered the monastery and she agreed to let me go - then she got married - or, after a long time she got married. But she always understood I could never marry. Just as she understood I will always love her." When I turned suddenly, albeit sadly, Holly was gone...And then...

"The bell struck twelve.

Scrooge looked about him for the Ghost, and saw it not. As the last stroke ceased to vibrate, he remembered the prediction of old Jacob Marley, and lifting up his eyes, beheld a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming, like a mist along the ground, towards him." - Dickens, "A Christmas Carol"

To be continued...when...I don't know...the night is so long...

A Christmas Carol, part I

The Ghost of Christmas Past...

"'Ding, dong!'

'The hour itself,' said Scrooge triumphantly, 'and nothing else!'

He spoke before the hour bell sounded, which it now did
with a deep, dull, hollow, melancholy One. Light flashed up in the room upon the instant, and the curtains of his bed were drawn.

The curtains of his bed were drawn aside, I tell you, by a hand. Not the curtains at his feet, nor the curtains at his back, but those to which his face was addressed. The curtains of his bed were drawn aside; and Scrooge, starting up into a half-recumbent attitude, found himself face to face with the unearthly visitor who drew them: as close to it as I am now to you, and I am standing in the spirit at your elbow"

...enter, the Ghost of Christmas Past!

This is exactly how my interview started with Roesannadanna!

Roseannadanna: "So Mr. Feder, you been writing ta me for a long, long time! And now we're doin' this interview..."

TN: "I'm not Mr. Feder! I have never written to you! What are you doing in my bedroom?"

RD: "I'm doin' an interview - Boy, Mr. Feder, you sure do ask a lot of stupid questions for a guy from Minnesota!"

TN: "I'm not Mr. Feder - my name is Terry."

Roseannadanna wrinkles her nose, squinting, looks straight into my face, wreaking of garlic. Looking at her notes she realizes she has the wrong scrip!

RD: "I don't know what the heck is goin' on - I was supposed to visit Feder and George Baily - you're not even on my list! Okay Mr. Nelson, let's step back in time. Remember the Christmas you were on the toilet and you were singing "Here Comes Santa Clause" and your mom and dad were listening and you could hear them laughing and then you stopped singing because you were embarrassed. I mean pooping and singing - yuck! What are ya tryin' to do? Make me sick?"

TN: "Yeah, that's right, I was about 3 or 4 years old and I had a toy in my hand, thinking about Santa, singing my favorite Christmas song. I heard my parents say something, laughing - I thought my mom and dad were laughing at me. From that day on I never liked singing and never would sing in front of people ever again."

RD: "You cried too - but you wouldn't make a sound or come out because you never wanted people to see you cry. And then you pretended it wasn't you doin' the singin'. Whatz wrong with you?"

TN: "What's wrong with you? What is with that hair anyway?"

RD: Ignoring my remark, "So you liked that movie then, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes"?

I was transported to Downtown St. Paul late one snowy Christmas Eve afternoon, going to the theater with my sister Beth and my brother Skip. Beth wanted to see "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" with Jane Russell and Marylin Monroe. We were the only people in the theater. None of us were happy, Skip was mean to me, but I can't remember how, Beth wasn't happy about babysitting. We left the film and it was cold and dark, still snowy...

RD: "Why did you go to the corner bar after you kids got off the bus near your house?"

TN: "We had to meet my mom and dad there. Then we went home to see if Santa came. We went upstairs with my mom and we heard someone in the living room and I could hear packages rustling! I was so excited and my mother peeked around the door, holding me back with Beth grasping my shoulders. I was shaking with excitement as mom whispered it was Santa putting our presents under the tree. she described everything so vividly - years later, I was convinced that I had actually seen him myself.

Gently pushing me back, I heard the outside door close and my mother finally let me tear into the room - the tree was all lighted with the presents under the tree and I even saw the wet spots on the floor from the melted snow! Santa had been to our house! I was ecstatic - it made the sadness of the movie and the bar disappear! And my mom and dad had their cocktails until it was time for midnight Mass, when they headed back to the corner bar."

RD: "Ahwwwwww! That's so sweet! See! You had nice Christmasses when you were little!"

"The Spirit gazed upon Scrooge mildly. Its gentle touch, though it had been light and instantaneous, appeared still present to the old man's sense of feeling. He was conscious of a thousand odours floating in the air, each one connected with a thousand thoughts, and hopes, and joys, and cares long, long, forgotten.

'Your lip is trembling,' said the Ghost. 'And what is that upon your cheek?'

Scrooge muttered, with an unusual catching in his voice, that it was a pimple; and begged the Ghost to lead him where she would.

'You recollect the way?' inquired the Spirit.

'Remember it!' he cried with fervour; ' I could walk it blindfold.'

'Strange to have forgotten it for so many years!' observed the Ghost. 'Let us go on.' "

Suddenly we were in a bar, it was Christmas Eve...I was drinking with friends from work, it was crowded. I was supposed to be at my parent's house, my little brother Tim hadn't seen me all year, Skip and his wife were going to be there, they hadn't seen me for an even longer time. They were hoping I'd be there to save them from being alone with my parents, who would be drinking heavily. They were waiting for me to get there so we could open presents...

RD: "Whaaa - ya were drunk too! Just like the family! It's disgustin' - ya pig! Whatya tryin' to do? Make me sick?"

TN: "I was only 20 years old - I was just doing what I saw growing up. I thought Christmass meant drinking and partying!"

I witnessed how a year or so later, I came to repentance and returned to the Catholic faith...while the Spirit showed me how my little brother, growing up with alcohol problems and depression, would continue to have difficulties with Christmas as well. And then she showed me my brother Skip, dying of alcohol related illness, alone, with blood coming out of his pores, his stomach bloated, his skin all jaundiced, not living long enough to see his last Christmas on earth...

"'Spirit!' said Scrooge in a broken voice, 'remove me from this place.'

'I told you these were shadows of the things that have been,' said the Ghost. 'That they are what they are, do not blame me!'

'Remove me!' Scrooge exclaimed, 'I cannot bear it!'

He turned upon the Ghost, and seeing that it looked upon him with a face, in which in some strange way there were fragments of all the faces it had shown him, wrestled with it.

'Leave me! Take me back! Haunt me no longer!'"

- A Christmas Carol, The Ghost of Christmas Past - Dickens

It seemed I awakened suddenly, and Roseannadanna was featured on an ad for the best of SNL...I didn't know if I had been dreaming or I had truly seen her ghost. I turned off the television and tried to go back to sleep...wondering if I might have kept Christmas better in the past...I finally fell asleep, wrestling with that thought, imagining more faces than those that had been shown me.

Bambino Jesu!

The 'real' novena for Christmas begins tomorrow - December 16th, or 'posada' as the Spanish practice it.

I'll post about this on the "company blog" while doing more later here - maybe Sunday.

Thank God for the immigrants, legal or not, who bring to the American Catholic Church their rich tradition and devotion - let it be assimilated into our culture - into our hearts - and welcome the exile, the stranger.

If you "do" the novena for Christmas - don't make a big deal out of it, use the prayers of the liturgy, or any other devotion, but meditate upon the posada of Blessed Virgin Mary and the most pure Joseph to Bethlehem, make your heart, your soul, the little cave of Bethlehem, wherein the little Jesus may rest and be sheltered. Because He is born, He is God incarnate- don't try to re-enact - allow the act to enfold you into the mystery of the reality - ever present to the Father.

Our Lady of Arabia...

A Carmelite story for the feast of St. John of the Cross.

Pope Pius XII with the statue of Our Lady of Arabia.

Who knew the statue is Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, copied from the image on Mt. Carmel in Haifa, Israel?

Crazy thoughts here - I always return the apparitions at Fatima...try to follow me. The apparitions seem to me to have a great deal to do with our times, times of conflict with Islam - in other words, it's not just an event in the past. Fatima was the name of Mohamed's daughter. In the last apparition at Fatima Our Lady appeared as Mt. Carmel. And Our Lady of Arabia is Our Lady of Mt. Carmel.

Okay - so I'm getting like Michael Brown. I don't know - it could mean something. Here is a close-up photo of the Virgin, along with the story:

"To represent Our Lady under the title of Our Lady of Arabia, Fr. Stella wanted to have a special Statue made in her honour. He decided to use a replica of the Statue of Our Lady of Mt. Carmel, venerated in her basilica on Mount Carmel - the birthplace of the entire Carmelite Order. An Italian firm in Rome, "Rosa and Zanzio Ditta" was requisitioned to make the replica, carved out of a solid block of cedar from Lebanon.

It was not long before the supreme sanction was granted. The Holy Father, Pope Pius XII, himself gave a grand lead to this devotion to Our Lady of Arabia, and on 17th December 1949, on the eve of the Great Jubilee Year, in the Vatican Palace, he personally blessed the new Statue of Our Lady of Arabia, and consented to be photographed in prayer before it.

The Statue was received in Kuwait and formally enthroned on 6th January 1950, amidst triumphal rejoicing at her Shrine in Ahmadi. It is with great nostalgia that the first parishioners might recall the sunny, Friday afternoon, the Statue was transported in a jubilant procession from the Shuwaikh Port to reside in the 'mini' Chapel, and to be venerated as Patroness and Protector of the Oilman." - Our Lady of Arabia

S. Juan de la Cruz

The lover of the Beloved, St. John of the Cross.

This image is one of my favorites of the saint - it's a poor reproduction however, the original is much richer in color and somewhat darker. Yet I love how he is portrayed, as well as his physical countenance - much as I imagine him. So many painters today like to portray him rather dark complected or even Moorish. He was a Spaniard. Spaniards are European - he looked like this I believe.

Why do I love him so much?

(He was a little guy - you maybe could have picked him up and hugged him. Holy Mother made fun of him and called him "half a friar". Therefore I was always pleased that Fray Juan de la Miserie painted her as he did, eliciting her comment, "You made me ugly". Holy Mother had some issues with vanity and status - she admits that.)

His writings are so accessible, yet lofty and learned, his mystical insights into biblical passages are ever so enlightening - even enthralling.

He was so full of charity and deeply humble. As Novice Master, he always made a noise with his rosary to forewarn the novices of his approach.

Imprisoned for the reform of Carmel, he was the model of patience and charity, and mercy.

This painting depicts the moment Our Lord invited him to ask for any grace, and John made his request, "To suffer and be despised". At the end of his life this was fulfilled even then. When he was dying, he lived at a house wherein the Prior disliked him and was a source of great suffering. Although at the end, the Prior was reconciled to the saint.

St. John plumbed the depths of suffering in his lived experience. So many people mistake him for a sort of mystical sado-masochist - nothing is further from the truth. St John of the Cross and his doctrine are all radiance and light, charity and love. Love is his doctrine, love of Jesus crucified - not suffering for suffering sake - that is a perversion. Nevertheless suffering is the lot of all mankind in this vale of tears, love alone transforms it into that which is redemptive and unifying with the Divine. This is his secret.

He was a practical mystic, fully engaged in the everyday duties of life, employing himself in the most mundane duties of the monastery, with special solicitation for the ill and infirm.

Never ever be intimidated by this saint, nor his writings. His writings were food for the soul of St. Therese of the Child Jesus, the saint of "The Little Way", which I always maintain is the pure doctrine of St. John made palatable for little, as well as lofty souls in modern times.

For Advent, consider this tender poem of his:

"The Virgin, weighed

With the Word of God

Comes down the road:

If only you will shelter her." -S. John of the Cross

This is from the man who danced in ecstasy as he placed the Divine Infant Jesus in the creche, after the monastery posada, one Christmas eve.

Love him and read him - don't try to be him, just let his doctrine ruminate in your soul, let him teach you how to follow Jesus upon that narrow way that leads to life. He is the gentlest of guides.

St. John of the Cross, pray for me that I might be converted and begin to follow Jesus. Pray for all souls who seek salvation in Jesus Crucified, yet are tempted to despair of the rugged road, and their own weakness and failings. Never has it been known that you rejected the sinner who turns to you for help in this dark night of faith!

(I never understood why Holy Mother Teresa of Jesus turned to Gratian rather than St. John - although they were compatriots and co-reformers, and she esteemed him greatly. Something to ask when we get to heaven I guess. I didn't like Gratian myself, and always attributed her fondness for him to Teresa's vanity - Oh! my! gosh! How presumptuous of me! Nevertheless, I always found her a bit "over the top" in her esteem for Gratian.)

St. John Eve

On this the longest night of the year, the Church has long celebrated the feast of St. Lucy. How providential is it that it is also the vigil of the feast of St. John of the Cross, the mystic of the Dark Night?

An Advent meditation from "The Spiritual Canticle":

" Where have You hidden Yourself,

And abandoned me in my groaning, O my Beloved?

You have fled like the hart,

Having wounded me.

I ran after You, crying;

but You were gone.

O shepherds, you who go

Through the sheepcots up the hill,

If you shall see Him

Whom I love the most,

Tell Him I languish, suffer, and die." The Spiritual Canticle

Hear, and let it penetrate your heart...

-amidst the rush before Christmas.

From today's Gospel:

'Jesus said to the crowds: (Not just to 'the many' but to all.)

"Come to me, all you who are weary and find life burdensome, and I will give you rest."' - Matthew 11:28

Ghost of Christmas Future...

Wasn't the production of "Scrooge" a masterpiece?

Scary for managers though, albeit a good spectre to keep before one - it is the monastic maxim, "keep death always before your eyes".

Amidst the joy and celebrations of the holidays, it is always good to remain sober and vigilant in spirit.

"It's A Wonderful Life"

Unless you're depressed like George Bailey was.

Didn't you just want to beat up Uncle Billy? Losing the deposit like that?

This is the best film ever to capture the stress of Christmas.

In the end, it turns out well - it's heartwarming and touching - but before you get there, it's depressing and dark. All stories do not always end so brightly.

Remember those who have lost fortunes or just basic jobs at this time of year. Remember the mentally ill, the depressed, those thinking of taking their own lives, or those suffering from terminal illness.

It's not such a wonderful life for them.

Motu Proprio

Pictured, "The Mass of Pope Gregory" - available now at Peyton Wright Gallery in Santa Fe, NM. A superb gallery of fine art, specializing in Spanish Colonial antiquities, Russian Icons, and contemporary art.

The blogs are humming that the "Motu proprio" will soon be released. What is that? You'll have to ask the experts, but as I understand it, it is a general permission or liberalization for the Tridentine Mass to be offered anywhere by any priest without an indult - in other words, the old Mass is more or less restored and is on equal footing with the Novus Ordo - not that it needs restoration, but some progressive Church people wanted it suppressed and would not permit it in their diocese, and so on - it's a big deal. Especially if you are a trad, or an SSPX kind of guy.

What is of interest to me is that I would not have to travel across town if I chose to attend, with the same priests celebrating all of the time. I may be able to assist at a Tridentine Mass in the very same parish I now attend.

That fine blog, "Rorate Caeli" has some of the best updates available on the subject.

The entire matter should never have come to this - the Traditional Liturgy should always have had this privilege, if not preeminence. I find it hard to believe that traditionalists, some of whom may dispute the validity of the Novus Ordo, will ever be satisfied until the Novus Ordo is suppressed. It's just a feeling I have. Whatever the case, it will be good for Missal sales.

Christmas in a monastery...

New Melleray Abbey, sanctuary.

(sorry it is so pix-elated!)

A reader of this blog thought I should post more about monastic things, and I don't want to get yelled at for my silly posts - but there is not much to say - Trappists don't talk much.

Anyway, I remember several of Dom David's homilies during Advent, focusing upon the liturgy and Our Lady. (He was very much like Jane Hathaway's brother - she was the bank secretary in the "Beverly Hillbillies" - Fr. David was rather dry and a bit formal, although very friendly, and he really did have a sense of humor.) He is a hermit now I believe.

Nevertheless, after so many years, I can only recall there were no decorations in the Church - Trappists don't do that. Midnight Mass was solemn and very simple, in keeping with Cistercian tradition. After Mass we could go to the refectory for cookies and treats in silence. There was a sort of Charlie Brown tree in there, with lights. Nothing lavish. It was very quiet and nice. (No booze. For most - I do believe we had a couple of closet tipplers however.)

I quickly went to my cell to pray and go back to sleep.

Christmas day there may have been music in the refectory - for sure there was no work. I think the novices got together. I seem to remember Br. DJ got a butt-load of goodies from his parents - and we ate most of it. (He stashed more in his cell. Correction - DJ contacted me and told me he had long left the monastery at that point - so I guess someone else got the care package from mums and dadums - but DJ did have a stash of stuff in his cell - I know because I moved into it after he left! :) I was like Harry Potter at Hogwarts - I got nothing - and I wouldn't have wanted it otherwise.

I really liked it that way. I wanted to be so poor like the Infant Jesus, and I felt He granted my prayer. It was a special first Christmas in the monastery. It was there where I learned to love the silence and solitude of that Holy Night with all of it's simplicity. Later, as a pilgrim, poor and alone on Beacon Hill, passing the lighted and decorated houses of the gentry on my way to St. Anthony's on Arch Street for midnight Mass, I rejoiced in the same poverty and loneliness - so filled with the joy of the Nativity of Our Lord. I still prefer a quiet, contemplative Christmas.

It's a good thing.

I so don't care! I believe in Santa Claus!

Pictured, St. Nicholas, bishop of Myra. (Our St. Nick did not have a beard either, although he had a white moustache.)

I am so tired! St. Nicholaus visited our Store today! He was only supposed to stay until 2PM, but he insisted upon staying until 4PM. He hugged the little kids and told them all about his life, miracles, and history - and gave them gifts and candy, gold wrapped chocolate coins in lovely little bags with gold ties. The kids loved him and had their pictures taken and adults were thrilled as well! I know of at least one old crabby guy who got tears in his eyes. I think he really believed it was the real St. Nick...yeah, that would be me - I almost hugged him.

We had a real saint this year. Deacon Tom Stiles from the Church of St. Columba in St. Paul played St. Nick. (He is a big guy - yet so gentle and kind, and almost shy - he looked exactly like Bishop Campbell - another nice bishop. It was funny, many customers really thought it was Bishop Campbell.) Being a Deacon, he was able to bless the religious articles people purchased. We had a stipend for him - which he refused - although was forced to take - insisting he will give it to our Franciscan brothers! And then, when he left he thanked me for letting him do this. (Another tear! It really, really was St. Nick who was with us!)

So parents! DO NOT lie to your kids! There really is a Santa - he is St. Nicholaus of Myra! Santa not only brings gifts, but obtains many, many graces - pouring out charity into our hearts! When he was in the Store he hugged a little girl and told her how important she is! And she hugged him! She was a chubby little black girl, and she really experienced the love of this big white Bishop - and she hugged him back, thrilled to be so close to him. I don't think she will ever forget such an affirming gesture. I wish I would have hugged him too! (A tear!)

I love you Santi 'Claus!

Conceived With Out Sin

"I am the Immaculate Conception."

That is how Our Lady identified herself to St. Bernadette at Lourdes. It always makes my hair stand on end - on my arms - not my head.

All the "Fathers" who blog will have profound, wonderful teaching on this mystery of Our Lady, so I wouldn't dare discuss her prerogatives or what this feast day means. I'll just blabber on here.

For me, Our Lady is a paradise upon earth, a refuge for sinners, a consolation in this vale of tears. For the Church to make this feast a day of obligation is a delight. The joy of the Immaculate Conception overflows into our souls, preparing us for the wonderful feast of the Nativity. The Madonna is our Mommie, and she is the Immaculata!

I looked for a painting, but could find nothing to adequately represent Our Lady, so I chose this one by default - although it thrills me. I purchased a fine oil painting reproduction of Murillo's Immaculada, quite large, for my study where I pray. All of her images disappoint me now. No one can capture this mystery in art, it must be contemplated in spirit. (I'm so sad images no longer work for me - we cannot possess grace through images - they are so much better to glance at and allow the spirit to be raised, as opposed to attempting to somehow capture the spirit of the one portrayed by owning the image. Or something like that.)

I cannot explain the Immaculate Conception, nor can I explain the Trinity. Yet it seems to me I can experience Her...She encompasses the whole of humanity, my humanity and soul. "I am the Immaculate Conception". God is "I am" she is His "Immaculate Conception". What is that? I mean, what is that?

A favorite prayer of mine from St. Francis is his "My God! Who are you? And what am I?" Our Lady identified and revealed her name, when she told Bernadette, "I am the Immaculate Conception" - doesn't that thrill you? She causes the soul to go into ecstasy - if you simply wonder, allowing the awe-some to envelope your soul.

It is wonderful to know as the Doctors and Fathers know, the truths of our faith, dogma and definitions, yet it is so much more wonderful to be suspended in awe-some unknowing before the majesty and mystery of the Immaculate Conception. The little ones know this.

I wish I had words, that no one ever has heard, to express this wondrous mystery, this perfect love, this purest being, this paradise wherein sinners find refuge, consolation and healing. If ever I felt like I had the gift of tongues, I could let loose now, in a holy babble of praise.

O Mary, Conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to Thee! Repeat that over and over and over.

Or pray, "Thou art all fair O Mary, and the original stain is not in Thee! O Mary! O Mary, conceived without sin! Pray for us who have recourse to Thee!" Over and over and over.

(For her feast, I cannot blog or do email or surf the net, until after vespers tomorrow. May Our Lady, the Immaculate Conception enrapture your souls and enflame your hearts with the Holy Spirit of love! Ah! How I love the Blessed Virgin!)

Feast of St. Nicholas

I woke up excited!

Anyway - a question left out of Cathy's Christmas meme;

21. What is your favorite Christmas Movie?

It's a list:

-"Miracle On 34th St." Best Santa award.

-"It's A Wonderful Life." When I was younger I thought it depressing - now I love it.

-"National Lampoons Christmas Vacation." Because the characters are nuts.

-Almost every production of "A Christmas Carol."

-"Home Alone." I like the scary old man next door.

Happy St. Nicholas day!

The Eve of St. Nicholas...

Or- I believe in Santa!

Tomorrow is St. Nicholas day. Even when I was away from the Church I celebrated this day - I had a party or gave someone I was in love with an ornament and European candies, expensive liquor, or perfume - but something sweet. I introduced a lot of people to St. Nick - and most still celebrate his feastday.

In this picture he is rescuing children I believe. I often think of him as a perfect intercessor for abused or abandoned children. St. Nicholas introduces them to the Infant Jesus, who is their remedy and companion. (St. Nick still rescues kids - look tomorrow for a news item of some child being found or rescued - I usually see something to that effect on the news on or around his feastday - or so it seems to me.)

My family never celebrated St. Nicholas day, but my cousins did. When I grew up, I did too - still do...but it's more like 'secret Santa' now, and much more fun. For sure, Christmas season begins on St. Nicholas day.

I can't help but feel like a kid every St. Nicholas day. It is a day full of joy, followed soon by the most joyous, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception - which is a day of ecstacy!

Go here for a fun St. Nicholas site! And visit my Store, Leaflet Missal for a visit with St. Nick on Saturday December 9th!

Transgender stuff

"I am Changin'!" - Another Jennifer Holiday song.

Pictured, Sr. Mary Elizabeth, transgender nun of the Episcopal Church - someplace in the U.S.

Gerald of The Cafeteria Is Closed has a post on an Anglican priest who became a woman priest. What is so interesting in the post isn't the novelty of the transition, but what the Catholic Church has to say about such things. In short, they do not recognize sex change.


From Closed Cafeteria:


"After years of study, the Vatican's doctrinal congregation has sent church leaders a confidential document concluding that "sex-change" procedures do not change a person's gender in the eyes of the church.


Pictured, the British priest who is the subject of Gerald's post. I apologize that I think it's funny to see a man dressed as a woman. I realize such people have serious issues and I ought to be more compassionate.

Consequently, the document instructs bishops never to alter the sex listed in parish baptismal records and says Catholics who have undergone "sex-change" procedures are not eligible to marry, be ordained to the priesthood or enter religious life, according to a source familiar with the text....

"The key point is that the (transsexual) surgical operation is so superficial and external that it does not change the personality. If the person was male, he remains male. If she was female, she remains female," said the source.

"The altered condition of a member of the faithful under civil law does not change one's canonical condition, which is male or female as determined at the moment of birth," Bishop Gregory wrote.

The Vatican text defines transsexualism as a psychic disorder of those whose genetic makeup and physical characteristics are unambiguously of one sex but who feel that they belong to the opposite sex. In some cases, the urge is so strong that the person undergoes a "sex-change" operation to acquire the opposite sex's external sexual organs. The new organs have no reproductive function." - Closed Cafeteria - "Sex Change and Clergy"



Not at all related -Pictured, Minneapolis' embattled lesbian Fire Chief - she's not a sex change, believe it or not.

What is interesting to me is that there has actually been a policy in place for Bishops to deal with this sort of thing. While it is somewhat well known locally that a Bishop, now the head of a large Archdiocese in the mid-west permitted a transgender person to become a nun in Wisconsin a few years back.

When members of the faithful discovered this, they wrote to the Vatican and got the transgender nun removed. No penalties were imposed upon the Bishop however, nor was any explanation forthcoming as to why he permitted this.

I expect there is a pastoral loophole for just about everything though. Bishops can make mistakes too.

[Interesting side note, looking for transgender photos I came across a German do it yourself nip and tuck procedure - the site is called "Tucking" - view it at your own risk - contains clinical nudity, and don't go there if you have problems with chastity - I don't want mean comments. It is so not titillating however - no pun intended.]

Priestly celibacy

Pictured, Cardinal Hummes.

Go here for an excellent comment.

That "New Catholic" guy really has a good take on stuff!

"Cardinal against Cardinal" - Something Our Lady of Akita mentioned.

The Divine Liturgy

Reports are that the SSPX is infiltrating the Ukraine, and drawing people away - or attempting to do so - from the Byzantine rite. (I don't know for certain if this is really the intention of the SSPX however.) Although it seems to be the fear, Gerald covers this on The Cafeteria Is Closed.

It seems as if the SSPX may be more sinister than imagined - if it is true. One ought not to fool around with the Byzantine rite, which has equal status with the Roman rite - then and now. This is a point of contention the separated Orthodox have misgivings about, that Rome could impose Vatican II type "renewal" in their liturgies as has been done in the Roman rite - if they ever consent to union, that is. Of course, the Ukrainian Byzantine Catholics are in union with Rome, and autonomous as far as liturgical rites, nevertheless, the insurgence of SSPX and the Traditional Roman rite poses some serious problems.

The SSPX are not the Roman Catholic Church, they are in schism with the true Church - people have to realize and understand that. If they are attempting to usurp the venerable and ancient Byzantine rite, they are no better than protestants or Jehovah Witnesses. Oy! The hutzpah! Talk about being more Catholic than the Pope all they want, it seems to me they are trying to be more holy than the Church.

The Holy Father's First Vespers of Advent

Read all about it here:
Ist Vespers In St. Peters

It reads like a review of an opera or a play. Critical analysis, checking out who was there and what they wore, etc. (That's what I don't like about St. Agnes sometimes. I often think many people are there just for the music and the liturgical costumes.)

How prayerful.


(Sorry, still no ability to upload photos.)

Worst Christmas Ad - so far...

"Peace, Love and Gap"
Way too ghetto.

Nevertheless, and I mean less, it's telling as to what kids want. Isn't rap over yet? Could the Marketing Director for Gap get fired or something? It misses - the ad just misses.

Feast of St. Andrew

Benedict and Bartholomew.

Some photos are simply prophetic!

The Pope in Turkey

Benedict is fairing very well in Turkey, praise God. Aside from the prayer of the faithful, I wonder if his friend Bl. John XXIII is not offering special protection, since the Holy Father entrusted this trip to his intercession. Perhaps to reward John XXIII, the Holy Father will canonize him soon.

The media hypes this trip as something done to make peace with Islam after the uproar over the Holy Father's remarks at an address at Regensburg in Germany awhile back.

The point of the pilgrimage, or Apostolic Visit is to meet with the Patriarch Bartholomew of Constantinople, the "First Among Equals" of the Eastern Orthodox Catholic Church. It is an effort to restore union to the Church. His courage in going to a land where his life has been threatened, must demonstrate dramatically to the Orthodox the Pope's sincerity and love for The Eastern Churches, as well as his hope for unity. I think the entire world must also be impressed by his courageous actions.

May St. Andrew, the Apostle of the Eastern Churches, whose feast we celebrate tomorrow, hasten this union and continue to protect our Holy Father, Benedict XVI.

Feast of the Miraculous Medal

Today is the commemoration of the apparition of the Immaculate Conception to St. Catherine Laboure at Rue d' Bac, Paris in 1830.

Pictured is the image of the Blessed Virgin as she appeared to Alphonse Ratisbonne, an agnostic Jew, effecting in him an instantaneous conversion to the Roman Catholic Church. (The Church is in Rome and is called S. Andrea della Fratte.) Ratisbonne had been persuaded by a friend to wear the Miraculous Medal, or as it was first known, the medal of the Immaculate Conception.

As a result of his conversion, the devotion of the medal swept Europe, thus gaining recognition as the Miraculous Medal, due to countless graces generated through the devotion.

O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourseto thee.

The man with the Blackamoor on his coat.

Coat of arms that is.

That would be Pope Benedict XVI of course and he is getting ready to visit Turkey.

A fine priest said I shouldn't even discuss such things as the possibility of as@%*^nation. Yet there is that novel written about it, and lots of protest in Turkey over his impending visit, as well as 'unprecedented security' - as they always say - covering the visit. In the land of intrigue known for cloak and dagger politics, populated by radical Islamics, I'm not comfortable with this visit. Today the Holy Father asked for our prayers to accompany him on his pilgrimage of reconciliation. He has mine.

I like his coat of arms. (I like bears.) Who is the Moor however?

He is the Moor of Freising:

"The Moor's head is an heraldic charge associated with Freising, Germany. The origins of the Moor's head or caput ethiopicum in Freising is not entirely known. Typically facing left it appeared on the coat of arms of the old principality of Freising as early as 1316. Some theories of its reference include:

Balthasar, one of the Magi, by some legends a Moor
Saint Maurice, a Roman-Egyptian martyr
Saint Zeno, frequently shown as a Moor
Saint Sigismund, often confused historically with Saint Maurice
Saint Corbinian, founder of the Diocese of Freising, mistakenly thought to have been a Moor" - Wikipedia - I like that place.

A recent book has been published about the third secret of Fatima, (and Rocky says, "Again"?) claiming the entire secret has not been revealed, just the visuals - sans text. Fatima conspiracy theorists love this stuff. Here is a snip from Catholic World News:

"A new book entitled The Fourth Secret of Fatima, by Italian writer Antonio Socci, questions whether a part of the message delivered by the Virgin Mary to the children at Fatima have been hidden by Church leaders for diplomatic reasons.

Socci claims that the famous "third secret," which was revealed in 1995 to describe an attack on a “bishop dressed in white,” is only a fragment of the full message. Socci bases his claim primarily on an analysis of the books Faith Report by then-Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, and Crossing the Threshold of Hope, by Pope John Paul II. To a lesser extent he analyzes homilies, discourses, and public documents by the two Pontiffs.

Rumors and theories about the "third secret" had circulated for years, until in May 2000 the content of the secret was disclosed by Pope John Paul II. The secret detailed a vision of the "bishop dressed in white" who was caught up in a battle against an atheistic system that oppresses the Church. That bishop "falls to the ground, as if dead, after a volley of gunfire." The vision apparently predicted the assassination attempt against John Paul II. Sister Lucia, who at the time was the sole surviving Fatima seer, confirmed in 2000 that the "bishop dressed in white" was the Pope. (Sister Lucia died in February 2005.)" - Catholic World News

I personally believe we have gotten enough of the third secret, and it was interpreted quite well by Cardinal Ratzinger, who admittedly said, "It seems as if these events may have been in the past" - which leaves open the question, was JPII really "the bishop in white who collapsed as if dead amidst a hail of bullets"? Or could it be another future pope? See, visions and prophecies are hard to figure out, and if there is a missing text of Our Lady's words, we probably just don't fit the description of those having "a need to know".

But what if the blackamoor is a prophetic symbol and there really is a missing text to the third secret? Now that's the stuff I shouldn't even mention.

Regardless, the Holy Father is snugly in the hand of God, albeit he is embarking on a very dangerous journey. He asked for our prayers, and like I said, he has mine.

Viva il papa!

The Knights of Columbus are urging Catholics to accompany the Holy Father with prayer as a spiritual pilgrimage as he visits Turkey. Here is the prayer:

Prayer for the Pope

"Heavenly Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth takes its name, we humbly ask that you sustain, inspire, and protect your servant, Pope Benedict XVI, as he goes on pilgrimage to Turkey – a land to which St. Paul brought the Gospel of your Son; a land where once the Mother of your Son, the Seat of Wisdom, dwelt; a land where faith in your Son’s true divinity was definitively professed. Bless our Holy Father, who comes as a messenger of truth and love to all people of faith and good will dwelling in this land so rich in history. In the power of the Holy Spirit, may this visit of the Holy Father bring about deeper ties of understanding, cooperation, and peace among Roman Catholics, the Orthodox, and those who profess Islam. May the prayers and events of these historic days greatly contribute both to greater accord among those who worship you, the living and true God, and also to peace in our world so often torn apart by war and sectarian violence.

We also ask, O Heavenly Father, that you watch over and protect Pope Benedict and entrust him to the loving care of Mary, under the title of Our Lady of Fatima, a title cherished both by Catholics and Muslims. Through her prayers and maternal love, may Pope Benedict be kept safe from all harm as he prays, bears witness to the Gospel, and invites all peoples to a dialogue of faith, reason, and love. We make our prayer through Christ, our Lord. Amen." - Knights of Columbus

Politics and the feast of Christ the King

Monarchists should love this feast day, while they most likely would have celebrated it according to the old calendar. The modern Church, yes even the encyclical of Pius XI, stresses the spiritual significance of the Kingship of Christ. Americans do not understand monarchy, therefore the Lordship/Kingship of Christ is more palatable to our revolutionary understanding when it is understood spiritually, not so much terrestially - we are much like our revolutionary cousins in France in this respect.

The purpose of the feast:
"Pope Pius XI instituted the Solemnity of Christ the King on 11 December 1925 in his encyclical Quas Primas. At that time he saw the rise of atheistic communism and secularism as a direct result of man's turning away from Christ's sovereignty, and man's denying of the authority of Christ's Church. This result was "disorder" or a move away from the Divine Order. The Feast of Christ the King was set on the last Sunday in October." - Wikipedia

The hoped for effects:
"25. Moreover, the annual and universal celebration of the feast of the Kingship of Christ will draw attention to the evils which anticlericalism has brought upon society in drawing men away from Christ, and will also do much to remedy them. While nations insult the beloved name of our Redeemer by suppressing all mention of it in their conferences and parliaments, we must all the more loudly proclaim his kingly dignity and power, all the more universally affirm his rights." - Pius XI, Quas primas

A few weeks ago when all the debate concerning the liberal use of the pre-Vatican II ordo of Pius V was circulating around the news and blogworld, a few people discussed the political ramifications affecting resistance towards this 'indult' apparently centered within the French hierarchy. In France, as well as Austria, Spain and other nations, there is a contingent of royalists, or monarchists supporting the liberalization of the Tridentine rite. Monarchists tend to be traditionalists, while not all traditionalists tend to be monarchists.

Considering this, it seems to me on some level, the Mass has sometimes become a political statement. I wondered if perhaps that is why it changed so dramatically the years following Vatican II, which occasioned such license in liturgical innovation. The priest facing the people, being on a horizontal plane with the congregation, the exclusion of pageantry and ritual, the inclusion of laity and ideology into the celebration? People who claim communists infiltrated the Church at the time of the Council, also claim they got their way by desacralizing the liturgy. Perhaps it wasn't as sinister as all of that however, perhaps it was simply a misguided attempt just to be more relevant to the modern world that has rejected every form of monarchy?

At any rate, it seems to me that the Mass has sometimes been used as a political tool in the hand of propagandists. I think it is a good idea to restore the Mass, both rites, to a place of dignity - without regard to politics, offering fitting praise and worship to Christ the King. Growing up, the homilies for this feast always were interjected with socio-political ideals, once again placing the emphasis upon man as opposed upon God - most of the homilies continue to be this way - I don't know what else a priest could say about the feast however.

When I think of the end of time, because this feast also focuses our attention upon that reality, I'm reminded that there will be "new heavens, and a new earth". Which means there are two things I don't get; one, I'm rather apolitical and so not a monarchist, hence the feast of Christ the King isn't a big one for me; two, I want to go to heaven while there is a natural part of me that rebels against the idea of having to land back on a "new earth" - since the old one sucks.

I need to pray for an increase of hope it seems. Pray for me if you are one of the two or three people who read this blog.

My fondest Thankgiving memories...

Thanksgiving with my closest friends.


Remember when Ross says that he is having one of his worst Thanksgivings ever because of his divorce from Emily and eviction?

Chandler jumps in to remind everyone that he is "the king of bad Thanksgivings" and proceeds to tell the first of a series of Thanksgiving flashbacks.

Thanksgiving 1978: A young Chandler is told that his parents still love him, but his father would rather sleep with the house-boy than with his mother.

Phoebe claims she has an even worse Thanksgiving story.

Thanksgiving 1862: Phoebe is a medic for the Union Army during the American Civil War. She is tending to a wounded soldier when her arm gets blown off, prompting her to say, "Oh no."



Ross says that the Thanksgivings have to be limited to this life (as Phoebe was referring to a Thanksgiving that occurred in a 'past life'). Rachel says she knows Monica's worst Thanksgiving, but Phoebe interrupts with a story about the Thanksgiving when Joey got a turkey stuck on his head.

Thanksgiving 1992: Phoebe (who was living with Monica at the time) walks in to their apartment and is shocked to see Joey with a turkey on his head; Joey put it on to scare Chandler. Monica enters and freaks out, but she and Phoebe can't get the turkey off his head. Chandler enters and screams, and Joey tries to point and laugh at him, but keeps pointing in the wrong direction because he can't see.

From the out-takes:

In the tenth season episode entitled "The One Where Chandler Gets Caught", the same 1992 Thanksgiving flashback of this episode is used, yet Phoebe replies to Joey's complaining about the turkey smelling really bad with "Yeah, of course it smells bad. You've got your head inside a turkey's ass." instead of the "Well, of course it smells really bad. You have your head up a dead animal." As written for this episode. - Wikipedia

My friends were so fun! Miss you much - at least I have the DVDs. When co-workers ask who I'm spending Thanksgiving with, I always tell them "I'm having a few friends over" - that's not a lie, is it? Anyway, they are always so consoled I won't be spending it alone.

I am so going to sing "Memories" now - followed by "The Way We Were" and I may as well sing, "What Becomes of the Broken Hearted" while I'm at it! (Thank God for my home-karoke machine.:) The holidays can be so nostalgic can't they?

Maybe I'll go to Walgreen's and stop by Kmart - I think they're open today. (Just kidding, Ross and Rachel are coming over with Phoebe and Regina Falangi.)

EAT FRESH! :) :) :) :) :) :)

November 22 and the loss of innocence...

Mark Balma's "Pieta"

He's a wonderful painter. I haven't seen this painting in person but it was presented at the Cathedral of St. Paul with much fanfare last week. I like what I see in photos, although it seems a bit 'stiff' - however, I think it is just the photo - paintings need to be 'experienced' in relationship with the viewer, in person. Balma is a fine artist, the photo cannot do it justice.

The anniversary of the assassination of JFK is the 22 of November. It was 1963. I was in class, after lunch, when the announcement came over the intercom and we were all dismissed from school. I remember starring at the intercom in disbelief as the announcement was made. Returning home to watch non-stop footage on television. It is like yesterday to me.

Just a couple of years earlier Sr. Lillian led us all in prayer that this Catholic Senator would be elected President of our Country.

I, along with most of the world loved President Kennedy, and Jackie. We knew them as Jack and Jackie. They gave an international dignity and style to the White House and the presidency.

Bobby was later assassinated, and Jackie said, "They are killing Kennedys." And she took her children out of the country. Some people resented that. Not I.

I think Bobby's death hit me much harder than Jack's. He would have made a better President. I remember vividly his funeral train heading to Washington for his burial at the Arlington National Cemetery - the tracks lined all of the way with mourners. I remember it all so well..."The Battle Hymn of the Republic" played along the way. I remember Dr. King too. I do not want to look at footage of these events ever again, because they are emblazoned upon my memory. Yet younger people need to see it - they need to locate the pivotal moment of our decline.

Our Country entered it's decline in those days. I don't think we can ever recover. I know we haven't.

"Fallen, fallen is Babylon the great!

She has become a dwelling place for demons.

She is a cage for every unclean spirit,

a cage for every unclean bird:

For she has made the nations drink

the poisoned wine of her lewdness." Revelation 18: 2-3

In many respects, that is us, exporting our MTV, movies, fast food, Hollywood morality, condoms and Planned Parenthood, what have you. We've fallen with our President.

Bishop Paul Dudley

I have just learned that Bishop Dudley passed away last evening at 10:30PM, I'm sorry I do not have more precise information at this time.

Bishop Dudley, shown here at an ordination at Holy Apostles Seminary, was a very humble, devout priest and servant of God. I am certain he is a saint.

May he rest in peace+

November 21st - on this date in history...

The third session of Vatican II closed in 1964.

The Servant of God, Pope Paul VI closed the third session of Vatican Council II on this day by announcing a change in the Eucharistic fast and formally declaring Mary as "Mother of the Church," as had always been taught.

Maybe His Holiness Pope Benedict XVI will use this anniversary to announce the new indult for the liberalization of the traditional rite known as the Ordo of Pius V.

Probably not - but when he goes to Turkey next week, if he were to be assassinated there, will it ever be promulgated?

Pray without ceasing...

One of the greatest mistakes a person caught in sin makes is neglecting prayer. The Lord hears our prayer when we are reduced to hopelessness and find ourselves turning to him asking for help - especially when there is no one else, or anything else to turn to.

"There is no pit so deep that his love is not deeper still." Betsy Tenboom said that amidst the horrors of the concentration camp.

Saturday's Gospel always speaks to my heart when "Jesus told his disciples a parable about the necessity for them to pray always without becoming weary." Luke 18

The Gospel of Luke is particularly focused upon the mercy of Jesus. Jesus was speaking to sinners. Sinners who seek freedom from habitual sin. Some may come so far as to pray daily, go to confession, do everything in their power to break free of a particular sin. Or they may find themselves steeped in some addiction, and only when faced with their hopeless condition, turn to the Lord for mercy. Then our Lord, moved with pity at the sight of our misery, for that is the meaning of mercy, finally lifts the soul up, grants the grace of freedom. It may take years, but the Lord responds because of our persistence.

Never give up prayer, even when caught in some sin. Do not think about merit or anything else, just keep crying out. God hears the prayer of the sinner, the person in dire straights. People think they have to be good to pray - no! - God always hears the sinner when he cries out for help, for mercy.

He asks for our sins when we have nothing else to offer.

He welcomed sinners and ate with them.

He said those who are well do not need a Doctor - sick people do.

There is just not any pit so deep and dark that his love is not deeper still.

Today's Gospel is so encouraging - never let anyone discourage you from prayer.

The Vampire - a gay metaphor? (REVISED)

(I mistakenly posted this in the draft stage - hopefully I can do some damage repair on it! And maybe it will be more coherent than the new RSV Bible translation.)

Have you ever noticed that vampire movies are replete with sexual tension?

The vampire steals into the bedroom of his victim and assaults him - or her, sucking the life-blood of his victim in order to feed his craving, thus continuing his life amongst the living dead. It is a totally selfish act, exploiting the victim for the vampire's pleasure, without regard for his victim's humanity and eternal soul.

Again, I'm thinking about the Ted Haggard scandal! Although I am not implying he is the victim here.

I believe, in cases of married men seeking same sex pleasure, there are those who unconsciously attempt to derive some sort of affirmation of their sexuality, their maleness, while asserting a sense of power or dominance over the other. On the other hand, the gay man, again unconsciously as well as symbolically, may be seeking to 'sap' this energy - that is, the man's virility, away from the other - it becomes a 'victory' of sorts. Gays refer to 'tops' and 'bottoms' in their sexual partnerships, which translates to dominant and submissive behavior. The 'roles' can be interchangeable, yet the terminology is very telling, as well as fundamentally demeaning. It is the epitome of weakness.

Many homosexuals are attracted to the 'manly man', the straight, masculine man, due in part to their insecurity regarding their own manhood. Because the straight man appears to be so unobtainable, he may present a challenge, thus becoming more attractive to the active, and/or passive homosexual. When one considers that one of the 'cures' for same-sex attraction is a wholesome, non-genital same-sex friendship, it is obvious that sexual encounters between men represent this need to find affirmation and validation of their masculinity, albeit perverted by genital expression.

Descending to the level of anonymous homosexual encounters in latrines or any other semi-public place, as well as in the solicitation of a prostitute, men encounter the more predatory homosexual. The encounter must be more sexually exciting because of the danger of being caught. It would be an adrenaline rush. I imagine it has to have something to do with the excitement of the illicit along with the risk involved. Regardless of the motivation, what is happening is a mutual exploitation for sexual pleasure, yet more deeply, a vain attempt to satiate an obscure psychological, emotional, and spiritual deficit. (Although the hedonist may well be simply seeking pleasure for pleasure sake.)

Married or unmarried, homosexual or heterosexual, all promiscuous men enjoy the chase, the hunt, and catching their prey. While some men may continue to enjoy the hunt after marriage, even if they 'play' the part of the pursued - they are still hunting. The dynamics are so much more complicated than these thoughts, and I ought not generalize so arbitrarily. Nevertheless, I keep wondering what is it that would cause a married man to leave his marriage bed for another man?

The next time you watch a vampire movie, look for the homosexual overtones - or rather, all the perverted metaphors - then connect these to the actions of certain types in our culture. I think the vampire has to be a metaphor for the many types of aberrant sexual behavior that occur in our decadent society.

(I don't know if I tackled this issue very well.)

The Vocation of Lay Brother

Today is the memorial of St. Martin de Porres, a wonderful mystic from Lima, Peru. He was of mixed blood, born of a Spanish father and a negro mother. He entered the Dominican order as a familiar, not having the status of a professed religious, although I believe he became a lay brother later.

He is known as a patron of peace and justice. His ministry to the poor who came to the monastery, as well as his medical knowledge caused him to be very popular amongst Lima's lower class. He is often shown in art with little domestic animals, with whom he enjoyed a special relationship and understanding, perhaps much like our father Adam.

All of his attributes, portrayed in art or literature, exist to illustrate for us his remarkable holiness and union with God. He wasn't a la-ti-da romantic, rather a penitent whose penances are rather repulsive to read about for the modern anglo mind. Gifted in prayer he was known for miraculous occurrences, such as levitation and bi-location. All the while exercising himself in his duties with the simplest practicality and devotion.

What we see in him is a humble soul exalted by God, given the immense grace of union with God in charity. This is what devotional paintings attempt to convey, his participation in the very life of God with the peace and joy, and reconciliation with nature Divine Grace effects in the purified soul.

After Vatican II, the status of lay brother in most monasteries and religious orders changed, there remained little distinction between choir religious and lay religious, most became brothers of more or less equal status, save for those in Holy Orders. Brothers enjoyed a new prestige and ministry, especially in the mendicant orders. Many pursued higher education if they did not already have it. They were more likely to teach or have some form of apostolate.

Unfortunately, the vocation of the simple lay brother, who was responsible for the more menial tasks of the monasteries, more or less fell by the wayside. I know brothers who insist that the idea of the lay brother as a servant in the community is insulting to their status as a religious. As a result, some monasteries hire people to do the menial work, including the cooking and cleaning. This may also be due to a lack of vocations. Although one wonders if the lack of vocations might also be the result of discouraging this humble vocation.

The vocation of lay brother is a lofty vocation in the Church, with many, many saints to attest to the beauty of a life of humility, hidden with Christ in God. Their lives were marked by many mystical graces and lofty prayer, as well as miracles, while they served the more contemplative brothers and fathers of the community. Perhaps some of the orders will reinstate this vocation one day.

All Souls - remembering the souls in Purgatory.

November is the month of remembering the Holy Souls. Catherine of Genoa pretty much explains why they are "holy".

St Catherine of Genoa's mystical treatise on purgatory is the very best literature I have ever read on the subject. It is so doctrinally sound and much more substantial than anything else most contemporary writers have to offer. (I'll go after a couple of these at another date; writings that seem to pander more to curiosity and sensationalism.)

St Catherine was a no-nonsense woman, very practical, and quite an able administrator. Before her conversion she would have been someone we might describe as a 'bitch', lacking charity as well as any sense of humor, while being rather worldly and vain. Her conversion, when she had gone to the Church to make her confession, was an intense experience of the love of God, and her life was forever changed. She devoted herself to the care of the poor and the sick, founding a hospital, of which she became the Administrator.

She combined the practice of the contemplative life with the active life in an extraordinary fashion, never compromising herself with the world or lukewarm Christians and Ecclesiastics.

Presented is an excerpt from her "Treatise":

"The state of the souls who are in Purgatory, how they are exempt from all self-love.

This holy Soul (Catherine of Genoa) found herself, while still in the flesh, placed by the fiery love of God in Purgatory, which burnt her, cleansing whatever in her needed cleansing, to the end that when she passed from this life she might be presented to the sight of God, her dear Love. By means of this loving fire, she understood in her soul the state of the souls of the faithful who are placed in Purgatory to purge them of all the rust and stains of sin of which they have not rid themselves in this life. And since this Soul, placed by the divine fire in this loving Purgatory, was united to that divine love and content with all that was wrought in her, she understood the state of the souls who are in Purgatory. And she said:

The souls who are in Purgatory cannot, as I understand, choose but be there, and this is by God's ordinance who therein has done justly. They cannot turn their thoughts back to themselves, nor can they say, "Such sins I have committed for which I deserve to be here ", nor, "I would that I had not committed them for then I would go now to Paradise", nor, "That one will leave sooner than I", nor, "I will leave sooner than he". They can have neither of themselves nor of others any memory, whether of good or evil, whence they would have greater pain than they suffer ordinarily. So happy are they to be within God's ordinance, and that He should do all which pleases Him, as it pleases Him that in their greatest pain they cannot think of themselves. They see only the working of the divine goodness, which leads man to itself mercifully, so that he no longer sees aught of the pain or good which may befall him. Nor would these souls be in pure charity if they could see that pain or good. They cannot see that they are in pain because of their sins; that sight they cannot hold in their minds because in it there would be an active imperfection, which cannot be where no actual sin can be.

Only once, as they pass from this life, do they see the cause of the Purgatory they endure; never again do they see it for in another sight of it there would be self. Being then in charity from which they cannot now depart by any actual fault, they can no longer will nor desire save with the pure will of pure charity. Being in that fire of Purgatory, they are within the divine ordinance, which is pure charity, and in nothing can they depart thence for they are deprived of the power to sin as of the power to merit." "Treatise On Purgatory"

I do not dispute that God, in His Providence, has permitted souls to appear, speak, ask for prayers, what have you. Yet I believe the "Treatise" gives a better understanding of what the experience of purgatory is, as well as encouraging our prayers and suffrage for the Holy Souls.

All Hallows Eve

Remembering the dead.

November is the month Catholics do this, remember the dead in prayers and suffrages for their repose.

Pictured here is a photo of the "Purgatory Museum" in Rome. I've never visited it, but I've seen other photos. It's interesting; scorched footprints and other signs of souls having visited from purgatory to implore prayers.

Padre Pio encountered souls from purgatory, as did St. John Mascias and many other saints. St. John Mascias was reputed to have freed thousands of souls from purgatory by his prayers, especially the rosary of Our Lady.

Halloween is a time when people love to retell ghost stories. I listened to a few on the radio in the car as I drove home tonight. It's fun to listen to ghost stories.

This morning I arrived early at work and few employees were there yet. I heard a baby crying. I thought someone had brought one of their children to work, yet this was a baby, everyone there had older children - and no one had brought their children to work today. I looked outside, no one was on the street. I asked if anyone else heard it, no one had. I thought it may have been a radio - but it wasn't. It was eerie. What if...

In high school, my friends and I used to sit in another friend's car, at night, outside a house that resembled the architecture of the Dakota in NYC - the building "Rosemary's Baby" was filmed at. The house we sat outside of is alleged to be haunted. We sat for hours, freaking ourselves out thinking we saw something. It was so fun. The house is still there. It used to be where a witch lived and a gathering spot for people in the occult. In fact, a few years later, when I worked at Dayton's, it turned out that a couple of co-workers, the Director included, used to meet at the house. They were wiccans, or as I came to refer to them, bitches. Very decadent and nasty people they were.

One of our friend's Dad was a meter reader for the city and this haunted house was on his route. He claimed many unusual experiences in that house. The only one I can clearly remember is that something knuckled him on his head when he was in the basement reading the meter - and he left immediately. He had another story about seeing something, a figure standing on a stairway, that suddenly disappeared. That is pretty much why we sat outside the house late at night in high school scaring ourselves.

Down that same avenue, Summit Avenue in St. Paul, was an old house our 6th grade teacher, Sr. Lillian, told us was haunted. She said it had been torn down and exorcism salt had been sprinkled upon it. Later a school for handicap children was built on the spot and it was called Christ Child School. She was a nun, so we had to believe her.

I've never seen a ghost - or a soul from purgatory - but the stories are cool.

Kids like the occult - they are fascinated by it. It is reason to guard, or guide their reading and entertainment. I think of "Harry Potter" - I appreciate the fantasy, but if I were a kid, I'd want to be a witch after reading it. I would definitely delve deeper into the occult as a result.

It is interesting that the root of the word 'fascinate' comes from the French, 'fasciner' meaning to entrance or charm, as in witchcraft, while our modern usage of the term still relates to the meaning, to be bewitched or held spell bound.

Fascinating!

The Bridge

A documentary depicting suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco, by Eric Steele.

It opened in London this weekend, and not to rave reviews. I saw an interview with Eric Steele, actually a couple of them. He strikes me as very sympathetic and sincere, yet not at all voyeuristic or exploitative, but rather serious about revealing the desperation of persons seeking the final solution in their lives. In the process of filming, he and his crew did everything they could to prevent the suicides he filmed, and were indeed successful a few times.

I wonder what it is about the bridge that attracts people from around the world to end their lives there? It is beautiful, but kind of cold, yet it remains the most popular place in the world to end one's life.

I've known people who have ended their lives. I never thought they were particularly neurotic or mentally ill. They just seemed to have no other alternative. One fellow struggled with alcoholism and a dead end career. Coming from a wealthy family, I know he felt as if he had failed in life. Of course he must have suffered from depression in order to kill himself, but he isolated himself, and no one could have helped him - he wouldn't let anyone in. Evidently, life simply lost its purpose, its meaning for him.

Does anyone remember the famous French couture-model/actress, Capucine? She played opposite Peter Sellers in "Pink Panther" portraying the wife of Inspector Clousseau. Several years ago she threw herself out of a Parisian hotel window, killing herself. Audrey Hepburn said in an interview about her friend that it was because she couldn't face growing old. - that sounds depressing.

For years we have hidden the idea of suicide, never is it mentioned in the obituaries, although you can usually tell who killed themselves when it reads, "died unexpectedly" - obit-code for suicide. We've heard more about it in the last few years due to the increase of teenage suicides, yet it still is rarely discussed except to say things like "what a waste" or, "what a stupid thing to do - why didn't they ask for help?"

To answer that I would be willing to guess that the suicide thought their life was a waste as well, while they probably did try to reach out for help at various times in their life. I also think that they would agree, if we could hear them speak, that it was definitely a stupid thing to do, adding, that they would have preferred not being filmed in the act - it's never graceful - and that is meant to be a double entendre.

Nevertheless, I believe the film is an important work in the study of suicide - although I have not viewed it, only clips. I think we need to care about the subject - more precisely, the people.

St. Margaret Mary and the Sacred Heart of Jesus

Today is the feast of St Margaret Mary Alacoque, to whom Our Lord revealed the modern devotion to His Sacred Heart.

It is the refuge of sinners.

I stole this picture from Don Marco's blog because I like it so very much.

Sacred Heart of Jesus, I trust in you.

Don Marco has a beautiful Act of Reparation to the Sacred Heart on Vultus Christi. While the Penitent Blogger has some of St. Margaret Mary's words on the vision of the Sacred Heart of Jesus.

A question about the tilma of Guadalupe.

From Ray: I've been waiting for you to set up this Q&A program because I have asked this question several times of others on the Internet and have not yet got a definitive satisfactory answer. And I'm not that fussy.

The question is about the Tilma of St Juan Diego with the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe on it. If you look at images of the one in the Shrine in Mexico City and most copies, you will note that the "halo" around the image of Our Lady appears to be cut off at the top.

Was the Tilma desecrated at some time in the past? My most recent answer said that Tilma was folded over because the frame wasn't big enough for it. I find that very hard to believe. If you are building a basilica that will hold 30,000 people (or whatever), I suspect the cost of a larger frame for the Tilma would have fit into the budget.

Second of all, now that I am thinking about it is, "how tall is the Tilma?" I doubt that St Juan Diego could have been taller than 5' 5". If he wore the Tilma with the "tall" side being up, the Bishop might not even have recognized that there was an image on the Tilma. Did he wear it "horizontally", wrapped around him? Like a cope? That makes more sense, I guess.

Dear Ray: You have not been waiting for me to do this!

But here is my best shot: The tilma is about 4'.6" tall or 1.43 meters. It would not have been trimmed to fit a frame or any other reason. I believe the aurora, sun, glory, what have you, surrounding the Virgin ends abruptly with the cloth. In reproductions it is interpreted as light coming from heaven, so this also may be an explanation, although I'm sure it ends abruptly as it is shown, probably due to how it was held by Juan Diego - meaning - it's the top of the cloth.

The image on the tilma appeared as the roses fell out onto the floor - it was itself an 'apparition' before the Bishop's eyes and it was miraculously documented upon the tilma as a photograph would be imprinted upon paper. The fact that the image was 'live' is documented in magnified studies of the eyes that reflect the people in the room at the time. (For Juan Diego, the castilian roses in December is what he thought would be the miraculous sign the Bishop requested.)

The tilma was the target of a bomb once, while everything else was damaged, the image remained unharmed. Once in cleaning the frame, nitric acid seeped under the glass onto the tilma, which should have burnt it. Only a yellow stain remained that has since vanished. The preservation of the tilma itself is considered a miracle, since the agave fibers should have long ago disintegrated.

(Did you know "Wishbone" played the part of Juan Diego in an episode of his series on PBS?)

Is the fire of purgatory real?

Just Me asks: The question for the "Ask Terry" column: "Is the fire of Purgatory real or is it just an allegory to describe the intense longing of the soul to reach Heaven?"

Terry says: As Jean-Paul Sartre demonstrated in his play, "No Exit" 'hell is other people' - just so purgatory must be, since it exists in the same precincts. NOT! No one really knows for certain, do they? Another John Paul referred to it as a 'state' of being as opposed to a place.

The mystics speak about God's purifying fire inflaming the soul in love in the stages of prayer and mystical graces. St. Paul speaks of God as a "Consuming fire" while Elizabeth of the Trinity discusses that aspect in terms of contemplative prayer, as does John of the Cross in the "Living Flame of Love". In the image of the burning bush seen by Moses, it was aflame yet not consumed. Is the fire physical? Our bodies are not in purgatory, so it must be a spiritual fire - not allegorical - nevertheless, a spiritual reality.

The pain and suffering is intense and unimaginable for us who live in the physical world. Teresa of Avila writes that spiritual sufferings of the souls in hell, as well as those in purgatory, are much greater than the physical pains one can endure upon earth, of which burning alive would seem to be the worst. Because of her experience of the excruciating pain, albeit delightful, endured in the various stages of prayer and the union of the soul with God, she deduces the suffering of the soul in purgatory is beyond our comprehension. I recommend a serious reading of the writings of John of the Cross and Teresa of Jesus on the purifications and the Divine touches of God in prayer that may help one to understand the nature of the purgatorial fire somewhat better.

Catherine of Genoa is another saint whose treatise on purgatory is very revealing. Just as the soul upon the way of perfection, suffers at the thought of one's sins with the weight of worldly attachments, thus causing the resultant distance from God - although consoled in the knowledge one's sins are forgiven - just so the soul in purgatory. Except the soul in purgatory, I would think would know even more clearly the reason it suffers, emerging from the darkness of earthly life into the knowledge and love of God - albeit obscure, while it's suffering with longing for the Beatific vision may be said to increase as the soul is purified. Whatever the case, the soul would seem to be obliged to accept with peace, that God's mercy and justice have intersected within the soul. Just so, I think the soul understands that it's sufferings are deserved because of it's sins and impurity, while, it seems to me, increasing with longing to see God, remaining steadfast in charity throughout it's ordeal.

It can be consoling to think the fire of purgatory is simply an allegory for the longing of the soul for God - It somehow makes it seem palatable for our nature. Nevertheless, the knowledge of one's sins and attachments, their nature and the offense caused to the Divine Majesty, as well as the natural order, is an immense suffering for the soul, which would cause it to desire to die again, if that were possible, in the most complete, all-consuming holocaust. Again, in purgatory, the fire of Divine Love at the same time must encompass the soul and in in a sense "consoles" it (or better put, "sustains" it) within that unimaginable pain, by having granted it the knowledge that he can no longer sin and therefore the conviction of it's salvation.

Whatever the case may be, it is so important to pray for the souls in purgatory since they can no longer merit nor help themselves, as the Church teaches.

Anyway - that's my thought on it - read your catechism - I'm so not a theologian or a mystic - so I don't want to be brought before the Inquisition - except to be corrected if my thoughts do not accord with Church teaching. We'll know the true nature of purgatory when we get there however. (Someone once said the demons can torment you there as well...)

St. Teresa had a sense of humor.

Pictured, Bea Arthur in the role of Teresa of Avila.

Mystical Doctor of the Church that she is, she had a very homely manner of writing, a wit that shows through even in her loftiest works. The digressions she indulges in as she wrote her autobiography dramatize her personal style while lending us ever new and revealing insight into her personality, that some have described as vivacious. Curious term for a contemplative nun.

Recently there has been discussion concerning a new movie in the works exploring her sexuality, which I find disturbing. Not knowing much about it, there is little I can say about it, except - NOT!

Nevertheless it got my creative juices flowing and I came up with an idea of a sit-com based upon her life. I immediately thought of Bea Arthur ("Maud", "Golden Girls") in the role of Teresa, with Christine Baranski ("Cybil Shepard Show", "The Birdcage") as the Princess of Eboli. They could spar over her writings as they did in real life - only make it funnier - wasn't it the Princess who had an eye-patch - or am I getting my nobility mixed up? Actually, the sit-com could focus on the Princess, after the death of her husband, when she entered the monastery of Pastrana, and became the source of so much grief - now that's a show.)

In one scene, Teresa could be traveling to make another foundation, the coach falling in the river, Bea Arthur, with her dead pan humor, looking up to heaven, as in the photo here, saying, "No wonder you have so few friends when you treat them like this." Then guffaws of canned laughter. The entire production could be done similarly to the British sit-com, "Absolutely Fabulous!"

I think it could work. Maybe I should contact "Act One" in Hollywood to see if they'd be interested. I better write a script first.

What did Lovitz have to say when I pitched the idea to him?
"Oooooo! EDGY!"

:) :) :)