This is my first Christmas alone since I was a 'pilgrim' living in Boston. This time it is different of course.
Years ago - many years ago, I spent Christmas kind of alone. The year I turned eighteen, I had already left home and was living on my own. Months later, I moved in with my boss, David. He was the display director at the store, and I was certain I had fallen in love with him.
That first Christmas together was anticipated with parties, a department/office party, a party with designers in the apartment complex we lived, and finally a party with his closest gay friends in his apartment. That year, I bought David an expensive gold cigarette lighter, he bought me a Tiffany key chain with my initials engraved on it. I was so touched, because he used the unique initials I always used on my artwork. A monogram with the stem of the T acting as the vertical bar of the N - a lot of people felt the script appeared as TV. Ha! I liked it, and it was the most romantic thing ever. Trouble was, I didn't know how to act in front of his friends, I was so scared to be around older gay men and professional adults - I had no social skills at all. (David was twelve years older.)
He was from Duluth originally, and went home for the holidays - if his mother came to Minneapolis, I had to clear out; whenever he went home, I was alone. All the parties and gift exchange happened before he left.
As I mentioned, the next time I spent Christmas alone would have been while I lived in Boston. After Mass on Christmas Eve, I wandered Beacon Hill, looking into the windows as I passed by apartments and townhomes, admiring the wonderful decorations and families celebrating. It was like a movie.
This year, it's entirely different - perhaps the most contemplative of my life. I know, due to the pandemic, many are alone this year as well - so I have nothing to complain about. Actually, 'symptoms of loneliness and heartache' have never been strange for me - I've learned how to live with such things.
This morning I came across something consoling from Medjugorje. I'm not a follower of the apparitions, but neither am I so concerned about them as many others seem to be. If the Holy See isn't worried, neither am I. That said, and early message is comforting for me this Christmas.
December 21, 2020Anyway, that's a consoling thought. Some people find consolation in the alignment of planets and call it the Christmas star. Whatever works.
Pray a Holy Soul home for Christmas
• Not everyone will be be able to enjoy this Christmas at home with loved ones because of travel restrictions imposed to prevent the spread of the coronavirus infection. However, on a more positive note the Medjugorje seer Mirjana Dragicevic-Soldo said in 1983 Our Lady had informed her that many souls are released from Purgatory on All Saints Day, but most souls are taken into Heaven on Christmas Day.
I enjoy your musings, Terry ! It gives me peace to read about your past, how you are present to it now: I do the same, having a vivid visual memory can be a joy, but also anguish. Today I write down these memories, in detail: and I have made a list of significant people in my life, whom I loved, admired, as well as those whom I had hurt/who hurt me: and now wonder how they are, where etc: so I end up simply praying for them all, hoping to one day encounter them in The Home of the Trinity: the wonder that will be ! Also I re-read the "Teaching of St Theresa of Lisieux on Purgatory"(4/9/2011,franciscan-sfo.org). it is either this, turning to hope...or my default, ala henry james type thing, The Altar of The Dead.
ReplyDeleteI wish I had seen the conjunction of jupiter and saturn ! the sky was too coated. re: Christmas, I am usually alone, by choice: still dogged by the ptd from alcoholic parents and all the insanity. the birth of Christ makes for the best musing on the day: a blessed Christmas to you Terry !
Thank you Consolata - I miss you. I hope and pray Christmas is filled with peace - it is good to have friends like you. Merry Christmas.
DeleteI love your creche, dear Terry, and your touching words.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you came back to your blog family in time for Christmas. I have missed you.
I know what it feels like to be alone at Christmas. I ask you, please, to remember to open your heart to the Holy Family and let them comfort you this holy season - you won't feel so alone. I am sure they are holding your dear friend close as well.
Remember, we are all really family in the Faith, even if we will never see one another.
I send you warmest Franciscan blessings, and hold you close in a remote COVID hug. Peace and good to you now and always - Susan, TOF
Many thanks! I have felt great peace - so your prayers contributed to that - no doubt. Merry Christmas!
DeleteYesterday we stopped at the lone stoplight in our tiny Pennsylvania border town. I noticed that the display window in the antique store had automated vintage dolls in it. They barely moved and were somewhat zombie-ish,but charming just the same. I thought of you and wondered what you'd think of them. Merry Christmas, dear Terry.
ReplyDeleteThank you. Merry Christmas to you!
DeleteI found out I have a serious health issue today. We never know what awaits us. And yet we do know...Union with Christ. And we don't have to wait. We mustn't wait. God Bless you Terry.
ReplyDeleteTodd - I'm so sorry to hear this - I will pray for you - I hope you can be healed.
DeleteThinking of you and praying for you, my friend. It's a heavy time on so many levels. I hope our prayers will be your donkey, carrying you to where Christ is born.
ReplyDeleteThanks very much Angela - I'm at peace. Merry Christmas!
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