Walking with a limp the rest of your life.

Ludovit Chochol

Jacob wrestles with an Angel ...

It's one of the most meaningful Biblical accounts for me.  It is for me, a metaphor of the spiritual combat, or struggle.  Persevering in faith, in prayer, and ongoing conversion.  It's related to my conviction that 'things do not have to be fixed' or, things 'do not need to be prayed away' or, my sense of a sort of 'spiritual stigmata' effect after childhood sexual abuse, and so on.  Jacob is an example to us, of one who "contended with divine and human beings and prevailed."  Though he was slightly disabled in the struggle, he walked away with a new name - a new identity.

That is very meaningful for me.  I often reflect upon it - especially when confusion distracts me from the 'one thing necessary'.  These days, I can still be plagued by that.  Being online doesn't help.  The wrestling, though difficult - often in total darkness and solitude - is important however.  It is the engagement in struggle which is healing, if you will.  It is most important to keep struggling, to persevere, and with resolute determination to pray, imitating Jacob: "I will not let you go until you bless me."  We must not let him go until he shows us who he is, and what we are.  It's about perseverance.   The wound, the disability is like the stone with the new name Christ promised the victorious:  

Whoever has ears ought to hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the victor I shall give some of the hidden manna; I shall also give a white amulet upon which is inscribed a new name, which no one knows except the one who receives it. - Revelation 2:17

No one needs to know save the soul and Christ who knows the soul - even as he is known.