Here for the cure?
For some reason the recent celebrity deaths have been the focus of many news programs, as well as filling social media with commentary. I liked all three personalities who have just died, George Michael, Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, but I only knew them by their celebrity, and though I liked them, I didn't know a great deal about them.
Carrie Fisher was better known to me than her mother, because she was so vocal about her bi-polar condition. George Michael I knew more about because I liked some of his music, thought he was good looking, and he was gay. He also liked risky, public sex, and frequently got himself in trouble for that. He famously, unabashedly defended himself saying, "That's what gay people do." I think he was 'partnered/married' at the time. I often referenced that statement because I wanted people who think gay behavior is just like monogamous heterosexual relationships/marriage to know that in most cases, it probably is not. (I say it like that because I have friends who insist that it is no different than heterosexual marriage.)
Having said all of that - I just read a really good article on Crisis Magazine by Dr. Nicolosi discussing The Traumatic Foundations of Male Homosexuality. Though I really no longer read gay-Catholic blog posts on the subject, nor do I follow other SSA Catholic writers on the issue, I will from time to time read people like Dr. Nicolosi. I may not be a big fan of reparative therapy as a general 'antidote', I find the studies to be valuable for an individual to understand himself and the phenomenon. (It seems to me that older individuals - in their mid-30's and older, are normally not interested in reparative therapy, but rather in living chastely and 'whole-ly'.)
You can't change a person if they don't want to change.
Back to George Michael.
He died young. He filled his life with a lot of superficial glamour and celebrity. He sought relief in stuff 'gay people do'. These are all traits one can connect to difficulties associated with male homosexuality. I'm not judging, I'm just saying. Of course not 'all' gay men are like that, or what Dr. Nicolosi describes - but I've known very few gay men who did not fit the profiles Nicolosi talks about. One can't know or understand this stuff unless one lives an examined life. I'm just not sure how George Michael was able to do that since he used so many escape mechanisms to avoid pain.
Recently, a public school teacher and his husband Aric Babbitt, 40, and Matthew Deyo, 36 were in the news again. They used teen boys for sex, taking them to hotels and resorts for sex - late last summer they killed themselves to avoid arrest. They were convinced they did not do anything wrong, they believed the 'sex' was consensual, and so on. It was incredibly manipulative and abusive to do what they did. Somehow, they convinced themselves they were not doing anything wrong, and laws had to change.
I mention this because that type of abuse, is sexual molestation - not paedophilia, but rather homosexual molestation-abuse. It's important to understand that. It's important, even critical for the 'victims' to know that, so they may live a healthy, whole life.
I thought of maybe writing one more chapter if you will, in my story I began on this blog several years ago. In high school, I had relationships similar to what happened to the guys involved with Babbitt and Devo. Maybe I will, maybe not. These are issues I feel are more or less resolved in my life now that I'm old. Nevertheless, I think it's important to know oneself - self-knowledge is necessary for salvation. Humble, self-knowledge. Prayerful discernment is absolutely necessary to avoid living a sinful life. I think Catherine of Siena stresses the 'cell of self-knowledge' as the soul's necessary dwelling place to know and love the Truth.
Anyway, I will conclude this jumbled post with an excerpt from Nicolosi's essay, which demonstrates the problem of using young men and boys for sex - and the trauma it causes - even when the younger male 'consents'.
Still, the general rule remains: If a child is traumatized in a particular way that affects gender, he will become homosexual, and if you do not traumatize a child in that particular way, the natural process of heterosexual development will unfold.
Many gay men report sexual abuse by a same-sexed person during their boyhood. Sexual molestation is abuse, because it comes disguised as love. Here is one client’s account of an older teen who molested him:
"I wanted love and attention, and it got all mixed up with sex. It happened during a time when I really had no sexual interest in other boys… I thought he [the abuser] was cool. He never gave me any attention unless he wanted to fool around. When we did get sexual, it felt special… It felt exciting and intense, something between us, a shared secret. I had no other friends and my lousy relationship with my father didn’t help. I was looking for friendship…[but] the intensity of the memory… I hate it. The whole thing is just disgusting, disturbing….This is the root cause of my same-sex attraction."
This client had made the following association: “In order to receive the good: i.e. ‘love’ and ‘attention,’ I must accept myself as shameful and bad: engaging in activity which is ‘frightening,’ ‘forbidden,’ ‘dirty,’ and ‘disgusting.’ ” - Traumatic Foundations
I hate writing about this stuff, pretty much because it goes against the politically correct attitude towards the issue, and the general acceptance that homosexuality is a natural variant of human sexuality. Nevertheless, I thought this was important enough to repeat at this time, after all the news stories and celebrity deaths.