I'm cleaning out my archives. I think I deleted at least 200+ posts so far today. I've deleted more than that if I count the past few weeks of editing. They are mostly opinionated posts, critical of others, or simply evidence of being a disgruntled Catholic... as in disgruntled employee too. Filled with resentment and the remembrance of wrongs. Scoffing, mocking. Detraction, gossip. Seeking approval. Trying to be 'hip' - I used to use tags or popular search words to get more traffic - for what? So vain. All the stuff I accuse others of doing - I've done that - I do that. So I'm trying to clean up the blog - delete the crap, the filler nothing-to-blog-about idle-thoughts posts.
How can you believe when you seek approval from one another?
Christ said that. The other day I accused some of using the Summorum Pontificum on the Roman Liturgy as a sort of license to goad Novus Ordo bishops and superiors legally - in the canonical sense. Holding up the traditional liturgy and all that goes with it as a sort of 'weapon' against liberals and progressives. I think we all do that type of thing at one time or another. There's an unhealthy competitiveness religious people get into. The so-called conflict between the active and contemplative life for instance. Or the proposition one school of spirituality is better than another. Perhaps my support of Pope Francis has become for me some sort testimony to my Catholicism - that I'm all right. How many times have I posted some sort of testimony of my orthodoxy or fidelity or celibacy - to prove somehow I'm a faithful Catholic. Why? And to whom? What does that even mean? Aren't I suggesting I'm somehow better than someone else? Or better than a reader thought I was? That's vanity. That's self-righteousness. That's hypocrisy.
Self-righteousness sneaks up to bite you, or nibble at your heel - constantly... at least it does me. Disgruntled is crazy - because one believes they are entitled to feel that way, and that 'my way is the right way'. Deluded and disgruntled.
You learn to pick it up in others online when you begin to recognize the same faults in yourself, I think. The danger is taking oneself too seriously, believing you are somehow indispensable. No one needs me to point out the faults of others, or to defend this or that person. It is a great freedom of spirit to accept that - I always forget that lesson and keep committing the same sins - and keep doing posts like this.
I so like this meditation from Sr. Wendy which was in Magnificat the other day - I'll copy a portion here:
"Which of us can dare claim we see the truth? ... The whole truth? The truth with a capital letter that Jesus identified with himself: I Am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. The truth is immensely vast and challenging. Would we be eager to see our conduct, our fulfillment of our responsibilities, our unselfishness as God sees these things? If there is no glaring wrongness, do we not quite happily jog along, conscience clear? ..." - Wendy BeckettSomeone told me the Pope doesn't need me to defend him, much less try to explain what he says or does. What a light his words became for me. Just because I feel I understand the pope - doesn't mean he needs me to defend him. As Jesus said, they have the Law and the prophets - in other words, we do too, we have tradition, the Fathers, the catechism, the Scriptures, the Mass, and we have Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. So if someone asks - 'how can the pope say this or do that?' or, 'does this mean I can do this or that now and do whatever I want?' The only answer I need to give is 'what does the catechism say?' or, 'what does the Church teach?' I'm not qualified to speak for the Pope - and he doesn't need me to do so.
"Recognizing our failures is the first step to allowing the grace of God to purify us. We all have a stick and a begging purse. If we allow our Lord to cure our blindness, we can throw both away ..."
Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices. - St. Teresa of Avila
Jesus is in The Blessed Sacrament
All will be well.
"Lord, I want to love you, but you know you can't trust me!" - S. Philip Neri
Jesus, I trust in you.
Song for this post here. My 'visitor' also told me that everyone will let you down ... except for Christ Jesus - he is in the Eucharist and will never let me down.
I said in my alarm;
'no man can be trusted'
all have gone astray,
there is not a good man left -
there is no one who does good,
no, not even one.