Monday, June 10, 2013

"I'd like to thank my husband."

I watched the Tony's last night.

So?  I can watch the Tony's.  How 'bout those Chicago Blackhawks nailing the LA Kings in 2nd overtime Saturday night, huh?!

So anyway.  I was very happy for Cyndi Lauper - I love her.  I knew nothing about the shows though.  Well maybe a little bit.  What?

I couldn't help but notice a couple of guys thanked their husbands in their acceptance speech.  It almost seemed normal - but then my inner kid said, "Men don't kiss!"  Remember that's what I told my molester who wanted to kiss me when I was a teenager.  "Men don't kiss... men can't have husbands..."  Of course it's legal in NY State, right?  But that doesn't make it real.  Yet everyone at Radio City thinks it is real.  More than one acceptance speech was about accepting and loving one another ...  I felt like a complete A-hole.  I felt mean.

Yesterday, reading Sunday's obituaries, I came upon a successful young man, thirty seven years old, who died at his home.  He was survived by loving family and loving friends and his husband.  I read the obit with interest.  He was raised in an excellent home, had the best education, was very successful - and apparently very happy.  He was active in charitable works - especially with homeless youth.  He struck me as a man of impeccable character.  A very good man.  No mention of religion or religious service, but he was a good man.

If I were to have met him and he asked me what was wrong with he and his partner getting married, and I repeated Church teaching, it would probably be meaningless to him.  If I told him his salvation and eternal happiness was in jeopardy, he could probably show me a multitude of good works and successful accomplishments, and overall good intentions - which would put me to shame.  (I wouldn't be telling anyone those things unless they asked me, or unless they challenged me for something I said or wrote or the way I live my life.)

I felt bad nonetheless.  I felt badly that the Tony Award winners could probably not be convinced that gay marriage isn't really marriage in the eyes of God.  That homosexual behavior is sinful - in other words - evil.  The act is disordered.  When questioners asked St. Bernadette what a sinner was, she answered, "Someone who loves sin."  We sinners can't get to heaven unless we repent, and ask for forgiveness.  If say we are not sinners or that we have no sin, well, St. John tells us we are liars.

I pray for the man whose obituary I read.  I pray for his 'husband'.  I pray for the guys who thanked their 'husbands' last night.  They must know, that like the rich young man, Christ looks at them with love.  He sees them.  He sees all that is good in them and he says, 'If you wish to be perfect... sell what you have... deny your very self... take up your cross... follow me.'  I pray we see and feel Christ's love, and experience his penetrating gaze, and respond generously.  Don't go away sad, settling for the consolation of the spirit of this world...
"This is salvation: to live in the consolation of the Holy Spirit, not the consolation of the spirit of this world. No, that is not salvation, that is sin. Salvation is moving forward and opening our hearts so they can receive the Holy Spirit’s consolation, which is salvation. This is non-negotiable, you can’t take a bit from here and a bit from there? We cannot pick and mix, no? A bit of the Holy Spirit, a bit of the spirit of this world ... No! It’s one thing or the other. " - Pope Francis, Morning homily 6/10/13


  1. "They must know, that like the rich young man, Christ looks at them with love."

    Sadly, most don't.

    “Christ has no body now but yours. No hands, no feet on earth but yours. Yours are the eyes through which he looks compassion on this world. Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good. Yours are the hands through which he blesses all the world. Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, yours are the eyes, you are his body. Christ has no body now on earth but yours.”

  2. Independent Lens has been showing a documentary on Episcopalian Bishop Gene Robinson. I had the same reaction watching that documentary, that you had after watching the Tonys. I felt so sad - not for them - but for myself, because I felt like an @sshole. Simultaneously, I knew in my bones the Catholic Church's teaching is right and I took a modicum of comfort in striving to be faithful.

    I don't hate gay persons. I don't hate their lovers. The whole issue just makes me sad.

    They showed footage of the vote at the Episcopalian Conference; they were voting on whether or not to allow gay Bishops, I think, and also to bless gay marriages in those States where gay 'marriage' was legal. The Episcopalian union voted to pass both resolutions of course, but there was 1 woman during the debate who asked - with tears and a tremulous voice - for those present during the deliberations to please forgive her. Her understanding of Scripture and her conscience would not allow her to vote for those resolutions. And you could tell she just felt like an @sshole, too.

    That's part of the nefariousness (is that a word?) of all this. Making all of us who want to be faithful to Christ and His Church feel like @ssholes.

  3. clever the devil is. He makes those of us who stand up for truth feel like we are mean and uncharitable. We are not "nice." They are the ones who are "nice" because they are the ones who are "tolerant." They tolerate sexual deviance, abortion, lying, fornication, etc. How dare we say those "nice" people are "sinning."

    But tolerance is not a Christian virtue. Chesterton calls it the "virtue of a man without convictions." We must always speak the truth in charity but we MUST SPEAK THE TRUTH.

    Thank you for being a truth-teller, Terry. I encouraged a young friend with SSA who is trying to live as a faithful Catholic to read your blog. I am frequently edified by it.

    1. So now you're blaming gay people for your feelings, too?

      That's a stretch. A big one.

    2. Thanks Mary Ann.

      Thom, I take it that Mary Ann is blaming the devil - Screwtape.

  4. Hmmm, I think I'd have to disagree with St. Bernadette. Sinners aren't only people who love sin. Sinners are all of us, even those of us who hate sin, hate our own sins, hate that we seem to commit the same ones over and over again. What's a sinner? A human being, is what.

  5. ...During the protestant revolt (oops - the reformation) Blunt Instruments were used, the stones to crush St Margaret of Clitherow, the axes used to behead such a number of Wonderful men and women. They stood up, or 'simply' did not back down, for their love of truth, Our Church.
    The instruments used today are not so blunt: nor so obvious: they are so devious. Especially when I think about what a minority homosexuality really "feel-good" is so tempting to us all. What Thom said, for sure. And we can all look forward to some persecution, now. Like the HHS, and other more subtle things. Thank God for the good Bishops.

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  7. Terry,

    Second post in my short time reading this where you mentioned a molestation. I am sorry terrible things like that happened to you. It feels like terrible things like this have colored your view on gay it would anyone. It seems that you just equate all gay relationships with sex acts, (sick ones at that) as if there was no way possible there can be a real relationship of mutual support and love(which is apparently the Church's odd that they focus just on the sex part also.) Its not all about sex and let me assure you, men do kiss (quire nicely) and have "husbands" for lack of a better word.

    My understanding is not that Christianity is tolerant but not in the modern day sense, but it IS kind and loving. Christ teaches us to look at our own faults and sins before we look at others. The devil also likes us to feel self righteous, to feel angry and wrathful and so sure of our saintliness that we dont see what we do, yet condemn others and point our fingers at others sins while we wrap ourselves in our own self righteousness and claim it is from God.

    And I find Neil Patrick Harris so annoying I wouldn't watch him if he was pitching for the Sox! But then I hate award shows, especially ones for Broadway musicals and things!

    And YES GO HAWKS!!!!!

    1. Thanks Mack - I get that a lot. I'm like one of those guys you wrote about to DB, when you explained: "I was referencing the "testimonials," (once again presuming their are real) that Courage puts on their website. Most of those were from people who seemed to be damaged in many ways, not just their sexuality." Admittedly, I'm even more screwed up because I don't do well with groups - which explains why I don't join any.

      I appreciate your kindness and understanding - and taking the time to stop by again and comment. I'm glad that you aren't all screwed up - like me - or the other damaged guys you mentioned.

      God bless you!

    2. This morning I thought of the parable of the invited guests; those who were invited refused to come for various reasons - they refused the invitation, so the master of the house told his servants to go out to the highways and byways, the fringes, and invite the lame and the crippled - the damaged, to come in. Christ came to call sinners, saying it was the sick who need a doctor, not those who are well.

      I trust in God and the teachings of His Church on faith and morals, sexuality and marriage, mercy and kindness.

  8. @Mack Malone, it isn't about whether gay couples are loving but about God's plan which is about the complementarity of man and woman who can naturally procreate.

    I'd say that it's gay men who are focused on sex acts, not the Church; so many gay men define themselves by their sex acts and are offensively outspoken about sex. I think sex is a private act and am equally offended if heterosexuals share too much about their sex lives to casual acquaintances. Nor do I need to know that the restaurant server is gay; it is COMPLETELY unnecessary to share that.

  9. Yes,
    Church teaching would be meaningless to them. They can't see - they're blind.

  10. Terry, we are all damaged one way or the didn't ask for nor deserve your damage, no one in your situation does. A lot of people don't do well with groups..don't kick yourself for it but I know its harder and I hope you have some people to lean on.

    Nan, can God have any other plan but to have people procreate? If everyone on earth procreated we would be in one "hell" of a mess. Maybe he wants some people not to procreate...(i.e. people who are biologically unable to have kids.) As it is there are kids who don't have any parents. Personally I think that I and a bunch of "cafeteria Catholics," such as myself see that the Church is run and God's words are Interpreted by humans who have their own personal and political issues and agendas. Yes, yes, I know that does not make me the Church's definition of a Catholic.

    You are using a very small and very media presented version of gay people, i.e being defined by their sex acts. I for one am not defined by my sexuality (I hesitate to use the word "acts," as believe it or not straight people perform those same "acts," even in their church sanctioned relationship) and agree that is a private matter which should be kept private. But straight people don't do that either. If you mean public displays of affection I agree with you on both side (get a room already!!) but I introduce my partner as my "partner," as he is, just like you introduce your husband. Any inference on what goes on behind closed doors and the sex "acts," which take place there is entirely your own imagination and not my fault. I don't imagine what goes on in a straight couples bedrooms when you introduce your spouse, (and there is some FREAKY stuff going on there I am sure!) Hey, my partner and I live in the same house, in the middle of an all American suburban Cul De Sac (think Desperate Housewives without the murder each season) and go to neighborhood parties together (as a matter of fact practically the whole neighborhood likes to hang out at our house) and since we live together and are in our 40s I think everyone can figure it out. I don't go around flying my gay flag or making in public but if anyone is offended, or imagine what goes on in the bedroom, that is there problem.

  11. Pat thanks for the link to the article at Catholic Exchange - it also seems like the tower of babel to me now - in that - 'they' have clarity and agreement amongst themselves, like us (somewhat -) but the two sides are now so very far apart. The pro-abort, gay-everything is ok, Are blind: and they think we are blind, too. Two languages - but the hostility of 'their side' to 'us' - is pretty bad.

  12. Consolata,

    I think the label of calling someone intrinsically evil is pretty hostile but that's just me...and what is with everyone grouping gay "everything," (everything???your kidding me right?) with pro-abort, as if the "other side," is all one side, and all gay people are pro-abortion (I am not..and I dont think that most of the people who believe that this is a woman's choice are "pro" abortion) and all pro-abortions are for gays and all "good," Catholics are against gays, etc, etc.But you brought up a good point, and I think it goes alone with the Church's choice to get involved in politics and public policy, each side likes to paint the other like a cartoon, and feels the other side is evil, or stupid, or blind, etc.

  13. Hi Mack, I'm sorry I spoke so carelessly - you are right ! I expressed myself very badly, probably because my thinking in this entire area is full of confusion and angst. I apologise - of course it is not black & white - I think I really do view Obama and his admin. as very hostile though, to Christianity and its precepts - do you think I am off on that ?

  14. Thanks Consolata! Hmmm, what do I feel about Obama....good questions. I would say that I do not believe that he as hostile to Christianity and its precepts as he is politically expedient. First he is against gay marriage and then he is for it..when it works for him. He also comes from the Chicago "machine," and while people might not have personal and religious views, they do when it comes to votes. I dont think he is a bad person and hates Christianity..he comes from that kind of "wussy," side of liberalism where certain people are victims of the majority at all times. I would certainly agree with you that the things he supports because of that is in many ways against the precepts. Does any of what I am saying make sense?

    I do feel that the right is just as cynical in their quest for votes, courting the christian right, even if they (the politicians) don't actually believe it. Maybe I just feel that way as I am more moderate and really, really wish that politicians and the govt would focus on the economy and national security and leave the "moral charge," to the churches.

    And Consolata, I think we are all filled with confusion and angst...these are confusing, angsty times!


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