This is no joke, I've always wanted to write my autobiography, even from a very young age. Since it is Lent, and I have to be charitable, I decided I'll write about myself directly, rather than in veiled references to other people's lives and actions. At the moment I can't remember where I read it but a philosopher or psychologist said every man should write the story of his life, which made me realize one doesn't have to be famous to bore people with the details of one's life - in this case, the documentation of what made me like this.
Of course this isn't going to be great literature by any means, far from it, more like notes from a psychiatrist's couch than anything. I have no idea why I've wanted to write something autobiographical - but it seems I have had the same ambition since childhood. Omigosh! It was the Diary of Anne Frank that did it! No wonder I had gender identity issues when I was little! Or maybe it was the Little Flower's Story of a Soul? I never read a guy's story of his life until I met Holden Caulfield in Catcher In the Rye - which may explain some other stuff about me - but we will get to that latter.
I attempted to write about my life several times in really funny "novels" - nothing printable at all, mind you - and they were only funny because they were so badly written, pretentious, completely dumb. The first one was titled, The Cardinal In the Bushes - a direct rip off from Salinger. My mother found it and freaked out completely. I burned everything. The second novel, I Am My Own Experiment (LOL!), was burned immediately before entering the monastery. I just burned the last one a few years ago, just in case I died and my family found it. I can't tell you the title - it is too insane - and to think I read it to my writing class. I'm pathetic - but I make myself laugh - and hopefully you will too.
So anyway - there is no escaping it - I've decided to write my life story on the blog, and hopefully it will be made into a movie - starring Aaron Eckhart naturally. Okay! That was funny! More seriously, this may answer the one question many people have asked me over the years, "Wha' da' hell wrong wit' you?"
(Now remember, if I really decide to follow through with this and actually post, it will simply be 1st draft stuff. I have never written beyond 1st draft stage.)