Wednesday, December 12, 2007

The Bunny Rabbit Christmas Tree

Once Bunny Rabbit saw a Christmas tree...
This is a true story... The rabbit in my garden comes up to the top of the stairs and looks in the house through the windows of the french doors. His curiosity reminds me of The Bunny Rabbit Diaries. The following is an excerpt from The Bunny Rabbit Diaries just for Christmas, with a couple of annotations and additions by yours truly:

A few days before Christmas, Mr. Sun came up from behind the hills and shone brightly all day long. He melted the snow in the warm hollows, and softened the ice on the brooks. (I'm sorry - the text really reads, "Mr. Sun" - I thought it was stupid too.)

Bunny Rabbit and his brothers came out and hopped around to find roots to eat.

The squirrels ran up and down the trees, and all around everywhere to find hidden nuts.

All at once Bunny Rabbit heard a noise. (Bunny Rabbit is one sharp tack.)

He sat up on his hind legs and held up his long ears.

The other rabbits listened, too.

Sammy and Bobby heard the noise and scampered up into the little pine tree. (Sammy and Bobby are squirrels who just scamper about - all over. They are very annoying.)

"Bow-wow-wow!" barked Jip, as he ran through the woods.

"It's the dog!" cried Bunny. "Let's run and hide." (Dogs are so scary to squirrels and bunny rabbits! Puppies will tear them to bits and pieces,)

The little rabbits whirled around and hopped back to their house. (Their ears flopping to and fro! Giggling because they knew they were being filmed.)

Sammy and Bobby were safe in the tree, so they did not try to run away. They heard some one talking and they looked to see who it was. They saw two children and a man.

The man had an axe in his hand. (They so wanted to scream, they knew all about axe murderers - then they covered their eyes fearing what might happen to the children...)

BUT... The two children ran along the path, talking and laughing and spitting on each other.

They were looking at all the evergreen trees. (They couldn't see the forest for the trees! This is where the expression comes from!)

"This is a good one," said the little boy. (Although he knew he would be wrong - since the little girl always had to be right. The little boy vowed then and there never to get married. 'I'll be a priest!' he thought, 'and then I'll make her wear chapel veils to church and won't let her do the readings at Mass or be an altar girl and stuff.' Yes - this is how these customs got started!)

"This is a better one," said the girl, and she pointed right at the little pine tree where Sammy and Bobby were hiding. (The squirrels then realized this wasn't a crime scene after all - these people seemed to be intent upon deforestation and wiping out wildlife from the planet, in an effort to promote global warming.)

"They are going to cut down this tree," whispered Sammy. "What shall we do? What shall we do?"

But the man did not cut down the tree.

He looked at it and said, "That is too large for our Christmas tree." (Omigosh! The squirrels snickered - and they realized the intrusive humans were just looking for a Christmas tree to cut down, decorate, and then burn a few days later.)

"We must find one that is much smaller." Said the axe murderer.

So the man and the two children went along the path into the woods.

And before long the sound of the axe rang out through the stillness. (And the bone-chilling screams of the children did too! I'm just kidding.)

"I never was so frightened in my life," said Sammy. "I thought..."

"I thought so, too," said Bobby. "But I was not frightened. I could jump to that next tree. It is not very far."

"I know that," said Sammy. "But I have a store-house in this tree."

"Where is it?" asked Bobby. "I wish you would show it to me. I am as hungry as a bear."

"So am I," said Sammy. "Let's have dinner now." (As he turned to go get the good china and silver.)

"We will call it a Christmas dinner. The children said this would make a good Christmas tree," said Bobby.

"I wonder what a Christmas tree is like," said Sammy. Bobby followed Sammy and peeped into the hole where the ten acorns were hidden.

Sammy took out a nut, and Bobby took out a nut. (Just a couple of nuts - get it? This is where that expression comes from!)

They sat up on their hind legs and nibbled away happily. (They really didn't have china or silverware.)

And as they nibbled annoyingly, the man and the two children and the dog came back through the woods.

They were dragging a little tree over the snow.

The dog ran along beside them barking loudly. (So the dad shot him.)

"That must be the Christmas tree," said Bobby. "I wonder what they are going to do with it." (He wondered if it would be a theme tree, you know, very traditional, or if they would flock it and do something fabulously monochromatic with it.)

"Tweet, tweet!" sang a little sparrow. "I can tell you. I saw one last year. I peeped in at the window after the tree had been set up in the warm room. I saw many pretty things hanging on the branches. I saw the candles lighted, and Santa Claus came in to give away the toys to the happy children. Oh, it was pretty! But I like to see the tree in the woods better."

Then the little sparrow flew away, and the two squirrels ate another nut. (They looked at each other and shrugged - they couldn't understand a word of what the sparrow had just said.)

"I think this is a good Christmas tree," said Bobby. (Repeatedly over and over, really fast - he was a very fast talker.)

"Yes," said Sammy. "A tree with a hole full of nuts is better than one covered with candles and toys." (Said Sammy, repeatedly over and over, really fast - he too was a very fast talker.)

"It is better for squirrels," said Bobby - over and over. And then he took another nut. (Actually, the squirrels were nuts.)
Now this tale seems to end here - and it does in the book - but in reality, the little bunny rabbit who had been peering through my window is the very same Bunny Rabbit in this story! Isn't that wonderful? (Bunny Rabbit didn't see no damn tree.)
This story is available from Dementia Publishing, St. Paul, Minnesota 55104


  1. I'm speechless, Terry. If this isn't Shakespearean caliber writing, I don't know what is. I think, however, if you had made Dick Cheney the dad holding a shotgun instead of an axe, you know everybody (not just the dog) is getting a belly full of lead. LOL!


  2. Tom - I don't want to terrorize the children with Dick Cheney stories - they already know he approves of water-boarding and other forms of torture.

  3. LMAO!

    Gosh, Ter, are you renting Silent Night, Deadly Night or Black Christmas for the holidays?

  4. Terry:
    I think you missed your calling as a children's book author. It's never too late to start. The Brothers Grimm ain't got nuthin' on you.

    Kind of reminds me of Rocky and Bullwinkle and the Fractured Fairy Tales.

  5. swissmiss: Terry as a children's book author IS the most horrifying thing I've read on this blog yet.


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