Vatican in Violation of Clean Air Act: European Environmental Agency to step in - shut down Sistine Chapel burner.

From the website of the EEA:

Clean air will be the focus of EU environmental policy discussions throughout 2013, the Year of Air. The European Environment Agency (EEA) provides a wealth of information underpinning the review of air pollutant legislation.  - source

Anonymous sources claim American Sister Simone  intends to take advantage of the sede vacante period to speak publicly to American Catholics urging them to register complaints with the EPA of the United States against the 'deliberate poisoning of the environment, not to mention the minds of consecrated women religious!'  (Ed. note: I'm unable to verify that statementt as Sr. Simone's or Sr. Patricia's.)

However, another outspoken nun, Sr. Fiedler has made her protests known in the latest issue of the NCR:  "Am I the only one who finds that this truly disconcerting?  It’s not just the pomp of the Vatican, the garb of the cardinals and the Swiss guards. It’s the monarchy of it all. This could be a pageant from the 15^th or 16^th century!"  She  said, visibly shaken, choking back tears in the massive smoke cloud released from the chimney of the Sistine, she coughed,  "Our views, in other words, are irrelevant in this process." 

Vatican spokesmen have insisted the smoke emissions are not 'all that toxic', explaining that is why the seagull is positioned on top of the chimney. "If smoka wasa datta bad, he'da be caputa!" Claimed the Vatican plumber who installed the stove.

 

 

This just in:  Interestingly enough, visionaries stationed in St. Peter's square awaiting the signal for the new pope - they already know who it is of course, but it's a secret.  Anyway, the visionaries who arrived by bus from The Roses shrine near Bergamo, claimed to see demons escaping the Sistine in the latest of black smoke emissions.  They insist that these negative votes exorcise the evil spirits seeking to corrupt the election process.  Another seer contradicted the visionaries claiming  exactly the opposite, "The blacka smoke is a good, it's a sign of faith - like a darka night!"  Another more vetted locutionist described it as a symbol - like the cloud of Exodus, leading the Church out of Egypt into a new era...  "A period of environmental purity!  Earth, air, fire, and water - the four elements... all together ... 1, 2, 3, 4!  All coming together on 3/13/13!"

 

That's so awesome.