Catherine of Siena refers to it as selfish self seeking.
Yesterday I was thinking about the first reading from Revelations, especially the verse:
After this I had a vision of a great multitude,
which no one could count,
from every nation, race, people, and tongue.
They stood before the throne and before the Lamb,
wearing white robes and holding palm branches in their hands.
They cried out in a loud voice:
“Salvation comes from our God, who is seated on the throne,
and from the Lamb.” - Rv 7: 2-4, 9-14
I thought that I wouldn't like the outfit - I don't like white robes, I was thinking it wouldn't have a collar and I'd be dressed the same as everyone else. I laughed to myself realizing how vain I am. Even in the novitiate, I disliked having to wear a white sash instead of a belt, and I tried to keep the hood on my scapular standing so it covered my neck, as it were. Once I asked a fellow novice if I looked fat in the habit. (I was actually anorexic.) Obviously I had issues with vanity and singularity. As old as I am today, I still do if my musing on the reading from Revelations indicates anything.
Why we need purgatory.
This morning I read a meditation from St. Catherine of Genoa regarding the souls in purgatory, which drove home my point: "Only once, as they pass from this life, do they see the cause of the Purgatory they endure; never again do they see it for in another sight of it there would be self."
"Only once, as they pass from this life, do they see the cause of the Purgatory they endure; never again do they see it for in another sight of it there would be self. Being then in charity from which they cannot now depart by any actual fault, they can no longer will nor desire save with the pure will of pure charity. Being in that fire of Purgatory, they are within the divine ordinance, which is pure charity, and in nothing can they depart thence for they are deprived of the power to sin as of the power to merit." - St. Catherine of Genoa, "Treatise On Purgatory"
That is it, I thought. If I am blessed to find myself in the white robed multitude before God, that self interest shall have been purged and consumed in the fire, the light that is God. It is His sanctity, His purity, His consuming fire of charity which purifies and frees the soul from all selfish self seeking, all self interest, all self love. It begins in this life and is accelerated by frequent reception of the sacraments, prayer, self-denial and charity: alms giving, service of the poor, and so on. (Including fidelity to the duties of ones state in life.)
John of the Cross offers a kind of description which maybe analogous to that initial understanding the soul experiences in knowing the cause of their Purgatory:
"Before the divine fire is introduced into the substance of the soul and united with it through perfect and complete purgation and purity, its flame, which is the Holy Spirit, wounds the soul by destroying and consuming the imperfections of its bad habits. And this is the work of the Holy Spirit, in which he disposes it for divine union and transformation in God through love.
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"The very fire of love that afterward is united with the soul, glorifying it, is what previously assailed it by purging it, just as the fire that penetrates a log of wood is the same that first makes an assault on the wood, wounding it with the flame, drying it out, and stripping it of its unsightly qualities until it is so disposed that it can be penetrated and transformed into the fire." - Living Flame of Love
The sanctity of God makes us holy.
O my God, Trinity whom I adore; help me to forget myself entirely that I may be established in You as still and as peaceful as if my soul were already in eternity. May nothing trouble my peace or make me leave You, O my Unchanging One, but may each minute carry me further into the depths of Your mystery. Give peace to my soul; make it Your heaven, Your beloved dwelling and Your resting place. May I never leave You there alone but be wholly present, my faith wholly vigilant, wholly adoring, and wholly surrendered to Your creative Action.
O consuming Fire, Spirit of Love, "come upon me," and create in my soul a kind of incarnation of the Word: that I may be another humanity for Him in which He can renew His whole Mystery. And You, O Father, bend lovingly over Your poor little creature; "cover her with Your shadow," seeing in her only the "Beloved in whom You are well pleased." - St. Elizabeth of the Trinity
I listened to that reading yesterday and was reminded of how for the first time my 8th grade confirmation class in 1965 had to rent blazing red gowns with flames shooting up the front and back. Oh how we all hated those. The influential mother of girl in my class had just landed a job as the rental agent for a company that rented them out. We were the first Guinea pigs. I thank God there are no pictures!
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