Sunday, January 17, 2010

Cats With Disabilities...



I wonder if JK (Jamiroquai) would ever do a song by that name?
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See, that's what I think about - sometimes.  Although it is true, my cats are mentally challenged, disabled, whatever the PC term is supposed to be now.  Agnes has elimination problems - she urinates over the side of the box, so I have plastic covering the floor with newspapers 2 feet out on every side.  (In the basement of course - and each cat has an oversized litter box.)  Yes, I use unscented liter and clean the box once or twice daily.
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Agnes eats very well but remains quite thin-ish, and her solid waste is rocky-ish.  I know - TMI for a Sunday morning.  Otherwise she is kind of normal - albeit quite neurotic.  She is a dark beauty however, and I think very fashion conscious which accounts for her being so thin, she often reminds me that fashion models are quite thin, "As was Audrey Hepburn, eow-mow*."  She's right of course.
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Celine on the other hand is quite affable, very friendly, and quite overweight - she has an eating disorder.  She loves to eat and sleep.  I don't like to say she is retarded, rather I think she is just slow.  Her disability would be classified as developmentally disordered.  She is quite amusing actually, especially as she cleans herself.  She goes through the motions of course, her paw wiping away on her face and head, but she forgets to wet it with her tongue, thus her tongue wags and pokes in and out as if wetting her arm, while the paw just wipes.  Nothing gets cleaned.  I love her though, she is my constant companion - quite like a dog.  Come to think of it - she may have that disorder as well - a dog trapped in a cat's body.  Naturally, being a Catholic cat, she would never ask for reassignment surgery.
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This morning we were chatting over coffee after attending services at the Crystal Cathedral on TV, and Celine said to me, making a sort of clucking sound while gazing out the window at the birds gathering for breakfast,  "Come spring, We should assemble all the squirrels in the neighborhood and give them baths."
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"Oh really hon, why do you say that?" I queried.
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"Well earlier I saw the white squirrel and he seemed quite grey, and the black squirrel looked rather dusty yesterday too.  I couldn't help but notice that the grey squirrels seem to run from both of them.  So I decided it must be because they are so dirty."
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"Oh how sweet darling, but I doubt we'd get a squirrel to settle down long enough to go through all of that,"  I replied with a chuckle.  "And anyway, we're not very good about bathing ourselves are we darling."
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"Eow!"  Agnes' laugh out loud echoed from the other room.
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No, Celine wasn't offended at all.
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Notes:
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*"eow-mow" - Cat-speak for, 'you know' or 'I know' - often used interchangeably.  I know.
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The song, "Cats With Disabilities" probably would sound very much like "Travelling Without Moving".
... Or maybe "Love Foolosophy" - yeah, I like that better... "I don't want the world, I want you..."
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7 comments:

  1. Celine and I have a lot in common. Garrigou-Lagrange would say "retarded souls."

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  2. This is just, well, wonderful!
    We talk to the d. dogs here, too.
    The Shelty is an over-achiever...she herds everybody and everything.
    The JR Terrier has horrible mood swings...loves you to death one minute, growls and bears his teeth after 6PM if you try to "mess with him"...
    Aren't pets just the "cat's meow"...or should that be "eow-mow":<)?

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  3. I'm so relieved to know about other odd cats. I've never owned one until recently, and he seems overly fond of being held like a baby (with his head on my shoulder) when he isn't crashing my computer by stepping on my keyboard. Oppositional Defiant Disorder, most likely, as well as a few others, but I don't own a DSM anymore.

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  4. That was a charming story.

    I didn't know that cats had such different personalities. I thought they were more "clone" like.

    My cats are perrrrfect. ;)
    Joseph has one trained to beg like a dog. We love cats!

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  5. I love these stories - I can SO picture you talking with the cats!

    Heh...word verification is "emicat."

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  6. Angela M: OR....Magnifi-cat!
    (I actually heard a cantor pronounce this that way...too funny!)

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  7. I'm worried about Agnes. Are her kidneys ok?

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