Right back at the beginning ...

I found my way back to the sacraments after an intense encounter with Christ ...

... alone and afflicted ... having no one but you Lord.

Priest and prophet forage in a land they know not ...

I'm back at the beginning ...

Oh! who can heal me?
Give me perfectly Yourself,
Send me no more
A messenger
Who cannot tell me what I wish.

Jesus, I trust in you.

Song for this post here.

Palm Sunday

I've never liked processions.  Probably for the same reason I do not like parades.  I'm not sure why however.

I wonder if it's because I know how things turn out afterwards?

"He's a fruitcake!"

"I know! I just can't figure out why he keeps blogging though."

St. Mary of Egypt

Today is one of her feast days.

Some Catholics observe her memorial on other dates - during Lent mostly.

Not long ago, I read another bio of her stating she came from a wealthy family...

Once upon a time, there was a young beautiful girl who wanted to be a big star.  Attracted to the theater and a life of glamour and luxury, she became a locally renowned entertainer, a famous exotic dancer (remember the musical Gypsy?)  and a sort of high class pole-dancing-call-girl/prostitute - catering to wealthy Christian businessmen.  She latter wrote a book called, "Accepting Sexual Promiscuity" although few could read back then, and it was soon forgotten.

A little later, while on a pilgrimage, she continued to work her trade until something queer happened.  So she wrote another book titled, "Imitation of Sexuality" - although that one didn't work out either.  Yup, you guessed it, because few people could read back then, and, it did not have an orthodox imprimatur.  Although the book received modest success over the first one, simply because she illustrated it - which is why the imprimatur was withheld, BTW.  Still, she made little cents - I mean, she couldn't make a profit. 

Anyway - long story short - her repentance bore fruit when she finally fled into the desert to do actual penance.  No one heard from her again until an old monk, Zosimas, troubled by temptations to celibacy, chased a naked figure across the desert - saying to himself:  "I must give that naked man my cloak!  Poor thing is so cold - it's shrunk to nothing!"  When he caught up to her, he discovered she was not a handsomely-striking, metrosexual-looking young man at all, but a scarecrow-looking, severely anorexic  - woman!  "Oh!  How icky!"  the monk said, breathing a great sigh of relief, since he no longer felt the urgings of lust. "If that won't make me stay chaste, nothing will!"  The monk said beneath his breath.

Zosimas soon got to know Mary and realized she was a penitent and not a destitute Parisian runway model, much less a man.  He gladly became her confessor and was edified to bring her Communion whenever he happened by. 

Then one Holy Thursday evening he found the poor thing dead, after someone evidently broke the liturgical rubrics and washed her feet in the Jordan... "How very odd!"  Zosimas whispered to the lion.  "A lion!" He shouted - surprised and shaken by an immense cat which appeared out of nowhere.  (After all, he was in the desert - which is pretty nowhere.)

After shaking hands - err, paws, the lion helped him bury Mary - "You do it pussy!  I can't look at her naked body because I'm... well, you know!  Fasting."  So the lion dug her grave and kicked her into it, covering her all up like a kitty does in the kat-box. 

On the way back to the monastery, Zosimas came to his senses and discovered the lion was just a very large domestic cat, with a St. Francis ID medal around it's collar, so he shooed him home, lest the other monks be disappointed - and sceptical - that a lion had helped him bury the body.  Besides, someone told him that keeping a pet could be idolatrous, so he wanted nothing to do with pets or former harlots.

After he arrived back at the abbey, the abbot had him write a book about Mary and all that happened to him, which he called The Dance of the Seven Veiled Mountain.  The book became so successful, he travelled to India to found a new monastery, only to die in a strange accident with a fan - a fan of the book, that is.

The End

To read the traditional story of St. Mary, go here.

 

Fr. Z Before the Inquisition

Actually he is just visiting Rome.

But listen to this - or read it.  Last night I posted about Giordano Bruno, the man who was burned at the stake by the Holy Office in 1600.  The post was scheduled to publish at midnight though I composed it much earlier.  Low and behold, today Fr. Z does an article about the trial of the century at the Vatican (it's a really small place - city-state - so news stories just seem big).  Anyway, the news item Fr. Z links to mentions the Inquisition and Giordano.  I know!  My post was already in queue for today, way before Fr. Z even got up this morning - on the same guy!  I originally wanted to connect my post to Fr. Z's Swimming the Tiber Tour, but didn't know how to work it in.  I know!  It is so spooky how much Fr. Z and I are on the same wave-length.  I bet it is more spooky for him than me however.

So here's the deal - story - err, connection:

There has been no such vote of confidence for the Vatican’s onetime Congregation for the Holy Roman and Universal Inquisition, [?!?] the commission created in 1542 that functioned as a tribunal to root out heresy, punish crimes against the faith and name Inquisitors for the church. [Just in case you didn't catch that whole "Inquisitor" thing, she made sure to repeat it.]

One of its more famous victims was Giordano Bruno, burned in Rome in 1600 after being tried for heresy. [From this stupid trial to Giordano Bruno? Really?]

The Inquisition? That’s the lead? That’s the closure? - WDTPRS
 

The Inquisition - that's my connection too!  This stuff happens to me all of the time.  Most Catholic bloggers pick up their stories from me because I'm so far ahead of the breaking news items.  Patheos would be lost without me.

What?

Different holidays, different feast days.

New Year's Day Two: The legal holiday today.

Today is a legal holiday in the US - yesterday was the actual New Year's Day - but today is everyone else's holiday or day off because the real holiday fell on a Sunday.  So the Rose Bowl Parade happened today instead of yesterday.  Oh!  And get this.  The local parish church is closed for the secular holiday.  I know!  You can't even get in.

Church people have the best of both worlds - for those who love their days off.  Although, Church holy days are sometimes transferred if they land on a Sunday - so you might have a Sunday obligation with a holy day obligation a couple of days later.  No wait - that's not right, is it?  Although, if some holy days land on an inconvenient day, they can be transferred to a Sunday - thus 2 birds are knocked off with one stone - that is more like it.  Likewise if a solemnity other than Christmas falls on a Monday or even a Saturday - the holy day of obligation rule is often times suspended, and Father gets a holiday.  Huh?  What if St. Pat's day falls on a Friday in Lent?  The fast is usually suspended - so you can eat meat with your beer.

It's confusing, isn't it.  But it gets stranger.  For instance, those who use the EF of Mass follow the old calendar and celebrate today as the feast of the Holy Name, yet the feast, which was restored to the reformed calendar by JPII is now observed on January 3.  Isn't that quizant, Ollie?  Now you may not think it's a big deal, but it can confuse people who make novenas - when to begin them?  When to conclude them?  What day is Mass on?  What if the parish is closed like mine is today and you wanted a procession or something?   

No wonder I never know how to dress... which explains why I always wear jeans to Mass.  Not really - it's my habit - religious people have habits.  What?

So when does the New Year really begin?  No one really knows, do they...   Chinese people have their own, as do Jews, and we Catholics do too - when you consider Advent is the new liturgical year - yet there are two calendars.  Something has to be done about that. 

Oh yes!  Then there is Kwanza.  Never mind - that is just for black people.

Photo:  From my collection of favorites:  Pope receiving Catholic Cats in audience.  It could happen.

Favorite blog photos...

This is one of my favorite photos from my collection. I wish I could add sound bites, if I could, it would go like this, as if it were Wallis Simpson speaking:

"Then again he asked me: 'Supposing the Pope looked up and saw a cloud and said 'It's going to rain', would that be bound to happen?' 'Oh, yes, Father.' 'But supposing it didn't?'  I thought a moment and said, 'I suppose it would be sort of raining spiritually, only we were too sinful to see it.'  Oh Eddie, and then I laughed and laughed and handed him my donation."

"Oh Wally, you are such a clever - and naughty - little Duchess, aren't you, darling!"  The Duke replied with a mischievous smile.

More trivia...

Because the world doesn't have enough of it.

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When I was little and wanted a particular toy or something unaffordable, my parents would usually say, "No you don't - you just think you want that." Followed by, "Get us another beer."

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Dogs are not sexually attracted to cats.

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If one door closes - well, try the knob - it may be unlocked.

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Studio 54 was essentially a gay bar before the term metrosexual was invented.

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Animals do not think like humans, although humans think they do.

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Kathy Lee Gifford claims she was born in Paris. She claims to have grown up in a Jewish milieu because one of her grandparents was Jewish. She also claims she grew up in Annapolis, Maryland when it was really Bowe. I've always thought Kathy Lee Gifford was a &!%@.

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I was shocked when I found this out - you do not get a baby just by praying for one.

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Many people of European descent think Asian people all look alike and that they are all Chinese - while Asians definitely discriminate between each other. Hispanics are like that too. It is like a caste system. People of European descent can be so dumb.

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Has anyone else noticed that contemporary music has remained pretty much the same since the early 1960's? Does this mean we are living in "The day the music died"?

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Oh! Oh! Oh! Listen to this! If Obama and Hillary were running for office in the 1950's (McCarthy era) they probably would have been tried and convicted as communists.

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The concept for unisex toilets originated in gay bars. In most gay bars there were very few women and so when the men's room got crowded, most men used the women's restroom because, like I said - there were very few women. It's true - even straight men used it because they were more comfortable peeing in there than in an all gay toilet. So yeah - the gays started all of this crap. (I wonder if I could get a spot on the 700 Club?)

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Jane Fonda was never arrested for being a traitor after her good-will tour of North Vietnam.

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Bill Blass, the American fashion designer, never took a lover - he always lived alone. Coco Chanel was the same way - "Always Mademoiselle".

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Charlene Phoonman is a name I made up when I used to tell stories at parties about the woman who lived upstairs from me. She was friends with the Tittman's, a wealthy couple I also made up. People thought Charlene was Asian, but she wasn't. (The building I lived in at the time was a very chic apartment building in the Kenwood area of Minneapolis, and my stories were all madcap retells of '30's and '40's screwball comedies - only screwier. People knew I was lying.)

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Did you know I met Gypsy Rose Lee one day while I was working in Downtown Minneapolis? She stopped to watch me as we were opening a bridal window at Dayton's.

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Doctors are now saying flip-flops are worse for a person's feet than high heels.

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Once I went to a party and everyone there was from the Guthrie, and other local theaters. They were all theater people. Oh! My! Gosh! It was like a room full of Robert Goulets and Ethel Mermans - breaking into song, posing, reciting lines - all night. It was absolutely the worst kind of party - everyone vying for center stage - I never had a chance.

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One may eat the buds of Hosta flowers. They can be prepared like asparagus.

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Before the 1960's haute couture was virtually non-existent in the United States - everything came out of Paris and copied over here by anonymous designers working for dress manufacturers. Of course, Hollywood designers also set the style - Edith Head was a studio designer who was something of an American Chanel. It wasn't until the jet-set and Jackie Kennedy that American designers came into their own.

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Did you know Cybill Shepherd and Christine Baranski never got along after Baranski won an Emmy for her role in "Cybill".

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Many Hollywood actors, like Stallone, are short.

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AIDS is no longer considered a threat to heterosexuals outside of Africa. It was on Drudge today.

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Rabbits, though fed in the winter, may remain in the spring and feed on one's clematis plants. One can feel betrayed by rabbits when this behaviour occurs. Rabbits obviously have a much different appreciation for flowers than that of humans.

Last day of school!

The girls got out of school today!

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I don't have to tell you parents what I'll be going through this summer, do I! Two teen aged girls on the loose! I had hoped they could get a job at Petco (pet supply store) or something, but they didn't want to work with riff-raff. Then they were going to be candy-strippers (nurse-assistants) at the veterinarian clinic down the block, but said they didn't want to take their clothes off in front of those animals. (They made the right decision there, but see what I have to contend with?!)