Charlene Tittman

Charlene Tittman is the name of the girl in the True ad that pops up on the MSN Live home page. You know, the one who flips her hair and seems to be talking and smiling, inviting you to join her in social chat. When Benedict XVI spoke about social networking, I doubt he was referring to that stuff.

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I wonder if Charlene went to college? Or maybe she was home-schooled and ran away from home to a big city like Dubuque, Iowa? She could be a struggling actress, although she's too fat to be a fashion model, maybe she is an escort? Mrs. Rabitowitz knows her, and the other day she told me, "She's kind of a slu..." I interrupted Mrs. R. and told her that particular label is no longer considered a bad word, "Girls call each other that all the time now."

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"Well that seems appropriate, considering how many of the young girls dress and act these days, do you know what some of them now do with their boyfriends instead of a good-nite kiss?"

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"Yes. I heard about that on the radio the other day." I responded. "Did you happen to notice the crazy guy going down the street with his junk out yesterday?"

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"Indeed." Mrs. R. replied, and then hopped off muttering, "You people have the morals of rabbits..."

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"Wait Mrs. Rabitowitz, wait!" I called to her, laughing. "What do you mean, are you saying rabbits are immoral?"

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Mrs. R. stopped suddenly and sat silently, gazing on ahead, as if she intended to ignore me in the same way she does when strangers are nearby. Slowly she stood up, turning about, looking as stern as any nun, and speaking very deliberately, she spoke with an air of instruction; "No my dear man. Rabbits mate and reproduce abundantly, but not out of lust, we do so in order to replenish the stock, so as to become food for other creatures, amongst other things. Our moral boundaries are quite set. All life has purpose, despite the fact it demands sacrifice, animals have a particular vocation which sentimentalists consider cruel - but you know all of this from conversations we had previously."

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Sitting back upon her haunches, she continued, "However, the point I was getting at is that many humans seem to have degenerated into a sort anthropomorphism or animality, their reason obscured by lust and sensuality. Unlike the animal kingdom, humans often engage in shameful acts, and if they do happen to join in natural intercourse, many deliberately impede fertility, or kill their offspring."

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"Mrs. Rabitowitz, with all due respect, I don't know if things are as bad as you seem to think they are... Although I will admit you are a keen observer of human behavior - being up all night as you are." I added with a chuckle. Changing my tone, speaking rather softly, and with sincere consideration for the two babies she lost to crows recently, I continued, "Please don't forget that some animals have been known to destroy the weakest of their litter in order that the strongest may thrive."

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"Indeed." Mrs. R. said with a slight smirk. "But we are animals, humans are much more than that." And off she hopped.