You just never know.

Judging by appearances... not a good idea.


There is a story from the desert fathers wherein a monk went to see another, renowned for his wisdom and holiness. The monk was scandalized that the father lived in relative luxury compared to what he had been used to in his skete. The father drank wine, slept on a bed of straw, bathed, and ate rather well, although he fasted and was faithful to the rule of psalmody and other exercises peculiar to the eremitical state.

The young monk left the father to return to his skete. The father knowing he had been scandalized called him back and questioned him as to his life. It turned out the monk had been a poor shepherd, sleeping in the fields and eating a very meager diet, without any comforts, no bathing, except in the river, and so on. In the skete, he had regular meals, a mat to sleep upon, and a hut for shelter.

The father then told him of his past. He had lived like a prince in Rome, with many attendants and great luxury, dining sumptuously every day. Upon his conversion he renounced all of that and went into the desert to live the ascetic life as the young monk could see.

Filled with compunction, the young monk recognised his presumption and asked the father's forgiveness, often returning to him for spiritual instruction.

Where were you?

Where were you 2 years ago?  5 years ago?  10 Years ago?

Where were you in your conversion?  What were you doing?  What were you wearing?  What were you drinking?  Smoking?  Were you still screwing around?  Cussing?  Or were you a saint over night?

Did you come into the Church knowing everything?   Did you convert because someone wanted you to and only later discovered the truth?  Ask yourselves these types of questions - think about the stages of your conversion, your acceptance of Christ and the teachings of the Roman Catholic Church.

Then maybe give other people a break once in awhile.

Image:  Our Lady of Confidence

NY Allows Gay Marriage.

I forgot it is legal in Massachusetts too.
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The issue will be on ballot for the 2012 elections in Minnesota as well.  Momentum to legalize gay marriage is growing, and so is frustration and anger on the other side of the issue.  As everyone knows, I'm against it - gay marriage that is - so need I say more or hurl invectives and condemn everyone to hell?  I don't think so.  The fact is, laws change.
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I wonder how individuals adjusted to the novelties brought on by the French Revolution, especially as laws began to change?  We know quite a bit about that, don't we?  But what was the actual experience like?  For instance, closer to our own time - what was it like in Nazi Germany when the laws began to change?  When old people and mentally disabled people were euthanized?  Culture changed radically for the German people - just as it did for the Russian people after 1917.  There was Christian resistance of course, but the laws changed nonetheless.  I'm not saying legalizing gay marriage makes us like the Nazis or the Communists or the Jacobins, I'm just wondering out loud what it was like to live in a society where traditional morality was no longer the standard, when Christian teaching was found objectionable and obscene.
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We may find out soon enough.
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Does that mean we should lose our peace over it?  I mean our interior peace - if indeed we have that.  That interior peace comes as a result of living in union with God's will.  Trusting God, though thousands around you fall.  Seeking God above all else - seek first the kingdom of God, and all of that.  Working and doing what we must, but with detachment and without anxiety, contempt, or hatred.  Letting the dead bury their dead.  At least that is the disposition of soul I'm finding necessary to remain faithful. 
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One friend left a comment on Fr. Corapi saying: "Let it go and let him go in peace to the new phase in his career."  That is very good advice.  In his precautions, John of the Cross tells the religious soul, "Never be scandalized or astonished at anything you happen to see or learn of, endeavoring to preserve your soul in forgetfulness of all of that.  For should you desire to pay heed to things, many will seem wrong, even though you live amongst angels, because of your not understanding the nature of them."
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You have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.
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Of course whenever I quote John of the Cross readers object because the counsel may not apply to them in their state in life.  Nevertheless I believe there is something in John's precautions that is helpful for a soul's balance in ordering one's priorities.  For instance, in the case of the Corapi scandal - Christ's answer to Peter's curiosity regarding the apostle John and his future come to mind, "how does that concern you?  Your business is to follow me."  Like the guy or not, Corapi is responsible for his own choices and in the end has to give his own personal account to God for his conduct.  So, let the dead bury their dead.  That's pretty much my personal attitude about the gay marriage thing as well.  When they ask for my shirt, I'll give them my coat as well.
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As St. John says, "Take Lot's wife as an example, because she was troubled at the destruction of the Sodomites and turned her head to watch what was happening, God punished her by converting her into a pillar of salt.  You are thus to understand God's will: that even though you live among devils you should not turn the head of your thoughts to their affairs, but forget these things entirely and strive to keep your soul occupied purely and entirely in God, and not let the thought of this thing or that hinder you from doing so."
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How can you believe when you seek approval from men?
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Christians are not approved by the world - indeed, Christians often do not approve of one another - all the snark online verifies that much.  But how does that concern me when my job is to follow Christ?  St. Seraphim Sarovsky assures us, "Keep yourself in peace and thousands around you will be saved."  So there you have it - that is what I understand by the words, let the dead bury their dead.  It is in reality a going out of sorts - outside the city gates, bearing the insult Christ bore.  For here we have no lasting city; we are seeking one which is to come.  Through him let us continually offer God a sacrifice of praise, that is the fruit of lips which acknowledge his name.  Our life is hidden with Christ in God and I need to fix my eyes on him, who inspires and perfects my faith.
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Right now, that is what I need to do - let the dead bury their dead.

Some thoughts on the last day of the year 2009.

Moonstruck.
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I came across a letter from a monk friend of mine - it was written 20 years ago.  I have letters - important letters - all over the house; in books, in folios, in drawers, in journals, in sketchbooks, in boxes - all over the place.  Fr. Tom's letter was interesting, deeply moving really.  I lost contact with him after a letter to the editor at NCR I had written several years ago had been published.  The letter was about a monk who had died young.  Without going into detail - the letter was misunderstood by the monks and I defended myself wretchedly and contemptuously - albeit apologizing shortly after.  I've always been something of a hot-head.  Eventually - mostly out of embarrassment - I just stopped writing or visiting.  (Things I say and write are often misunderstood, as my long time readers can attest.)

The interesting aspect of Father's letter was that in 1989 I evidently was still discerning - that is, considering religious life - 13 years after I had left monastic life, having lived in a Carmelite novitiate, a Trappist novitiate, a Carthusian lay-brother's cell for a month, and visiting numerous abbeys and convents in Italy, France, and Spain.  I had even been professed in Assisi as a Third Order Franciscan, yet in 1989 I was invited to join the Secular Discalced Carmelites - while still wondering if I should be a Carthusian.
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Obviously I wanted to belong somewhere, to be someone or something.  Titles and letters of association behind a name, a habit - such things can become a type of status-symbol for people like me.  (I'm just talking about me here.)  I was looking outside of myself however, looking outside of my reality... learning much in the process of course.  But I wasted a lot of time in what most people today refer to as discernment - I spent years doing that - which is why I can at times adopt a rather imperious tone regarding others who seem to constantly spin their wheels anguishing over vocation.  I mean no harm, I would simply like to somehow relieve their anguish so they could get on with their lives.  Yet each life is a journey, each person's sanctification is a process - oftentimes very painful at that.
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Anyway, Fr. Tom patiently wrote to me with kind advice and suggestions - appearing to be speculating with me.  (In fact - good spiritual direction is often that - not dictating behavior.)  Fr. Tom always seemed to know I was meant to be doing exactly what I was doing - except my worrying about a vocation was distracting me from the present moment - the reality that I was already in the will of God - just as I am in this moment.  A line from his letter impressed me deeply, and affirmed what I've come to understand about my state in life;  "... You will find, as did Catherine of Genoa, that associations do not help you, and it is better for you to be alone.  Only experience will tell you what is best for you."
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There is another amazing paragraph in his letter as well.  I had mentioned to him one of my confessions - what a priest told me.  The priest was an ancient Jesuit - he had to be about 90 years old.  Fr. Andrew had been a missionary in China before the revolution.  He had been in Japan too.  He was a classic Jesuit - very holy.  I went to confession to him regularly at St. Olaf's.
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I was struggling with a particular sin - and so I was confessing pretty much the same thing over and over - at the time I was going to confession 3 or 4 times a week.  One particular confession Fr. Andrew stopped speaking abruptly, looked up as if lost in thought, then he looked at me and said, "Yes.  Yes, I think you will make it."  I asked him what he meant, and he said, "You are going to overcome this."
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Evidently I wrote to Fr. Tom about it and he responded; "Your meeting Fr. Andrew at St. Olaf's was certainly a signal grace.  Like him, I too sense that sooner or later your problems will disappear, or at least not be as intense.  I have known others who struggle for years and then one day the grace is there if they want to accept it.  As Julian of Norwich said, 'All will be well.'"
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That actually happened, suddenly at adoration just over 10 years ago.
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I write this - I don't know why - maybe someone can be encouraged?  Maybe just to praise and thank the Mercy of God.  I'm not sure.
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Keep praying and seeking the will of God - even if you fail every hour - keep trying.  In the end, "All will be well."
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Photo:  "The full moon setting over the west ridge this morning after Lauds." - Our Lady of Spring Bank Abbey, Br. Stephen, O. Cist.   Thanksgiving, prayers and heartfelt best wishes for Stephen - he recently made first profession.
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If you really want to be edified - visit New Liturgical Movement - particularly Shawn Tribe's post on Monasticism.