Yesterday I posted a couple of works I had completed. Seeing the work in a photo is like viewing it with different eyes - especially when you have bad eyesight to begin with. I noticed a few imperfections - at least a few I could remedy.
I worked on them last night and today. I realized what I was really doing was trying to keep the process going. I didn't want to let it go. When you paint holy people - saints - you can become very close to them. You talk to them, ponder their lives - you look at them - very deeply. You almost see into their soul, or at least their heart. Sometimes you seem to catch them looking at you. That always startles me. It happened with both Rolando and Matt. I got a little embarrassed.
Now the panels are complete and I want to be with them - but I can't go with them yet. That makes me sad. So I've been kind of sad.
When I was painting Rolando I pitied him during his passion. I wanted to protect him as if it was happening now. I prayed for him - thinking my prayers now may have comforted him then. That's how real it gets when you paint.
The saints only talk to me when I paint.
Sometimes I'm scared I might not be able to be with them forever.
