"Prayer is the trap door out of sin." - Teresa of Avila
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Yesterday an anonymous commenter asked,
"Any special prayers for a man addicted to cruising?"
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I answered,
"Anonymous - pray for them - pray for the virtue of chastity for the person's you cruise."
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I suppose I should have asked what he meant by cruising? The drive-by, walk-by kind? Sexually open-ended double-takes at attractive people jogging, laying in the sun? Going into 'cruising areas' where 'stuff' can happen? Catching the eye of someone - and holding it? There are different ways to cruise - but I think I understood the general term.
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My answer may have seemed unhelpful. Another commenter, Clark, provided the basic direction and safeguards helpful for persons striving to live a chaste life. Nevertheless, even the most disciplined, generous soul can sometimes relapse into old habits: souls who do all the right stuff, frequent the sacraments, even dedicate their lives to the poor or some charitable work - perhaps caring for elderly parents in addition to one's career. Even priests can fall into such sins - one poor fellow was arrested earlier this year in a cruising area.
So how does a young man remain sinless?
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Charity.
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In addition to practicing all the right disciplines, there may be one thing lacking - charity. Authentic love of God and neighbor as oneself. Therefore, if one prays, especially for those we feel most attracted to, or who strike us as someone easily seduced - whatever the notion - when we pray for them rather than exploiting them as an opportunity for personal pleasure, selfish affirmation, what have you - we are in effect exercising ourselves in charity. I know it sounds odd and somewhat like
'liberal theology of the body' advice, such as saying,
"Look at them in all their beauty, and appreciate it by offering it back to God and thanking him for the beauty of his creation." Truth be told - that isn't such bad advice - provided one doesn't dwell on the
object - the key is to redirect one's attention - keeping custody of the eyes. Prayer brings us back to a more interior recollection, it returns us to the awareness of God's presence.
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Custody of the heart.
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Maintaining
custody of the heart is also key - it's what is involved in all the preparatory work Clark mentions. It is also part of what I meant by praying for the person who may have tripped your trigger. We usually fall so easily because we had once become habituated to it, or we can find ourselves in what I call a sort of
sexually open-ended frame of mind; although sometimes we can simply be overcome by sudden, violent temptation. Nevertheless, praying for the
object of our lust, and/or affection can become the way to recover our peace and put matters back in perspective. After all, how can you go ahead and morally harm someone and cause them to sin while you are praying for their good? How can you use a person for sex and yet pray for their salvation?
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"Where there is no love, put love -- and you will find love." - John of the Cross
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Another grave temptation one encounters in the spiritual combat with the flesh is the idea that one has already committed a mortal sin by placing oneself in the occasion of sin,
"So I may as well go all the way." That's a trap. Our Lord says
that the man who looks lustfully at a woman has already committed sin in his heart. Impure thoughts deliberately entertained are sinful of course and may dispose one to go out looking - cruising - for an opportunity to engage in sex with another or by one's self. But don't be tricked into forging a longer chain of sin by saying to yourself -
"I already did this so I may as well go ahead and do that." Pray instead and don't give in to such temptations - sort out the gravity of a particular sin in your examination of conscience - not in the heat of battle. But if you do fall, get up. Keep trying - no matter how often you fall. Go to confession twice a day if need be - just keep trying.
"Prayer is the trap door out of sin." - St. Teresa of Avila.
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I don't know if this is helpful - I'm sorry it has become such a long explanation for what I meant by the
'pray for those you are cruising' statement. It is important to remember that prayer is in itself an exercise in charity - so as St. John of the Cross advises,
"where there is no love - put love." I think it works.
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How can a young man remain sinless? - Ps. 119:9
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A few years ago I did another post on
'how a young man can remain sinless', that some newer readers might find helpful. I'll reprint a couple paragraphs from that post here:
As for other types of acting out sexually, these may have a compulsive dimension as well. One has to work at it. But never focus or dwell on the temptation or the act - it takes hold that way. Let impure thoughts go in one ear and out the other, don't focus. Sometimes they stick in the mind - don't focus on them, go on as if they are not there. (Don't get all uptight and try to repress them however, it makes them worse, be calm and let them blow away like "leaves on a windy day".) And if you feel like you've sinned by entertaining the thoughts - don't let your body or the devil convince you that you have already sinned gravely so you may as well go all the way. That is so much his best trick. The other really bad trick of his is, if you do fall, he suggests doing it again, since you've already sinned anyway. Every consent to his wicked suggestions forges another link in his chain - break it immediately through an act of contrition and go to confession as soon as you can. These acts of humility and repentance are your arms in battle, with trust in the Divine Mercy of course. That reminds me, pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy, even if you are steeped in sin, Jesus promised He would not fail to grant His grace and mercy to "even the most hardened sinner, even if he were to recite the chaplet only once." It is a very powerful prayer.
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Maybe you've never heard of it, but there is a mortification referred to as custody of the eyes. It's when you keep from indulging your curiosity about things, the practice trains you to control your "wandering eyes". It can be exercized by not watching TV, or not listening to certain music at times, or not checking some one out on the street or at the beach. As you drive, ride or walk, or are just sitting there, you're going to see someone with a great body and perhaps little on it. You saw it, maybe you looked twice, it's not a sin - even though your body may have reacted. Take that reaction as a warning, divert your attention, move on, jump in the pool - do something. But do it without anxiety and without over reaction. Gradually one learns to not objectify and sexualize everybody and everything, especially if you do not make your body and other peoples body "an idol". There is a certain amount of idolotry in our culture that is directed toward the body. We live in a time wherein the most obvious sign of outward devotion may be properly called, "the cult of the body". We've got to stop our "sacrificing to idols" - a pagan custom revived in our day not unlike that which prospered in ancient Rome and Greece. - The low spark of low rise pants.
Art: Night in Bologna, Paul Cadmus
