Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Quick shot: Gay dad sighting.

First:  All the disclaimers:

This is just my thoughts/impressions, off the cuff stuff. Yes I am a homophobe - nope - that doesn't mean I hate - I understand phobia as 'fear of' only. I'm more a 'fear that gays will take control and rule the world' type of phobic, or the 'if I ever had a kid, he could turn out gay' type of phobic. Self-hate and shame?  Yep, that too - to some extent. So let's see... what else? Oh.  So, really, I must say:  "Just because someone is gay doesn't make them a bad person." And,  "Your private life is your private life."  That said, I'm sure I'll miss some PC caveat, so just read at your own peril - or mine.


Last evening I was at the drugstore to pick up my prescription, and walking in from the parking lot I noticed a rather colorful, yet very fashionable tall thin man with a little girl, who acted in a way which suggested she was his daughter, entering the store ahead of me.  The girl seemed to be no more than about 3 years old. The dad was wearing all the trends, tight black low slung jeans, trendy jacket, cool shoes, punctuated with a red and black plaid jazz hat, and Elvis Costello glasses - very hip. The daughter was dressed like a princess - but not in costume - just pretty stuff. At first I thought they might be dressed for Halloween, but then settled for the wearing 'all-the-trends' thing.

I kept running into them in the store and heard him speak, and started to feel sorry for his little African/Haitian adopted daughter, because whenever she asked to see something dad got really snippy-snappy with her. I thought "I'm nicer to my cat." Trying to mind my own business - which I hadn't been doing so far - I tried to avoid/ignore them, but ended up leaving the store with them. The little girl looked back at me as he pulled her along behind him commanding her to hurry up. Dad must have been very stressed about something, but it couldn't have been the daughter, she was so sweet and well behaved, I didn't get the snipping. I thought back to Modern Family, to try and recall some scene with Mitchell and Cam and Lily to help me understand. I couldn't.

I realize I made a huge assumption the dad was gay, all based on looks, voice inflection, comportment, attitude, and so on. I made assumptions about the girl as well - but it seemed reasonable to conclude there is a strong possibility that she may have been adopted from Africa or Haiti. True, the dad (because of his movie-star demeanor) could have been a major metro-sexual minor-celebrity dad, married to an African American woman, but I went with my gut.  I was trying not to judge or form an opinion - but they were really right in front of me all the time - in my face... you know?  I'm a horrible man for having a personal opinion - and/or reaction.

Either way, I thought about it, them, the situation.  In Minnesota there is a Marriage Amendment vote on the ballot.  I have to take these things into consideration. 

I felt sorry for the little girl. She had such a sad expression when she looked back at me. I considered the very good intentions of married and single people adopting children - rescuing orphan kids from poverty and exploitation. Ideally, loving them and caring for them and treating them better than a rescue pet. Giving them more than just a nice house, nice clothes, a nice education - all the material comforts wealth affords. But love is more than that. 

Love is patient, love is kind, as the Apostle says. Love is sensitive, caring, and attentive.  It isn't burdensome.  Parental love also sets an example, models virtue, makes provisions for the life of the soul of the child. Love begets children and in turn prepares the child for heaven.  I don't see how parents, gay or straight do that by thinking that nice homes, nice food, nice clothes, all that money can buy, compensates for the one thing necessary.  Sometimes I think people adopt for selfish motives, expectations of personal fulfillment perhaps?  To feel or appear normal?  I don't know.

Something about the little girl made me feel sorry for kids who are adopted by single parents, especially those adopted like a rescue pet. All kids need moms and dads. I know sometimes they don't get that. I feel bad for them - but there is nothing I can do about it.

A house isn't always a home, sometimes it is just a really comfortable shelter.



  1. Replies
    1. Don't worry - if you were with me you'd know.

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.


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