Sunday, June 05, 2011

"Frankly my dear..."



"I don't give a damn."
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Some days I feel like that.  I wonder why I bother to blog about the things that I do.  Who appointed me to do it?  No one.  I feel completely alone sometimes.  Especially when I read articles about bishop's like Brooklyn's retired Bishop Joseph Sullivan, or Fr. James Martin SJ praising the Bishop for his profound sensitivity to gay issues.  I'm sure I would like Bishop Sullivan, I'm sure he's nice.  I do like Fr. Martin SJ - and since he's involved with theater people, I totally understand his sympathy for the personal lives of homosexuals.  When you are very close to individuals you arrive at a greater understanding and acceptance - ostensibly of the person, not necessarily their sin.   One can try to understand the genesis of their sin and come to some conclusions without approving of it, but familiarity often breeds approval.
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"So the people turn to follow them and drink in all of their words.'
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Whenever I write about gay agenda and the homosexual political movement and infiltration into every level of society - especially religious sects and institutions, I am frequently dismissed as homophobic, old, a dinosaur since the gay lifestyle has been all cleaned up and presentable for general consumption, and or I'm completely ignored because I lack scholarship on the subject... I don't have a theological degree as some do from some rural Bible college or online degree mill.  However, whatever my deficits, it hardly means I lack any experience, knowledge, or that I haven't studied the same sources, read the same books and studies, and so on.
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'Yet my feet came close to stumbling...'
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Over the years, in my struggle against sin I have studied and read practically all of the literature available - everything, and there is nothing new these days that wasn't proposed thirty or forty years ago.  The difference today is that academia is saturated with the very inventive, novel research of years gone by; gay studies professors and theologians have been using the same propaganda for decades and it has been ingrained upon their students who've entered the professions, especially teaching, clergy, law, and psychology.
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'They scoff; they speak with malice...'
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Throughout the years, I too even tried to live unconstrained by the Church's moral teaching, trying to believe and put into practice the new theology as proposed by activists such as Fr. McNeil and Sr. Grammick, or the proof for gay unions by Boswell.  I looked into groups like Dignity way back when.  I tried to balance the lifestyle with authentic Catholic teaching and found many gay priests to help me do so, claiming monogamous relationships were just fine, just like marriage.  Promoting pornography as better than promiscuous cruising, and so on.  I read and praised people like Larry Kramer and other non-religious activists who called for the gay community to clean up their act and make themselves more respectable, and so on.  I can provide 'credentials' and experience, believe me.  All of that means and proves nothing to the know-it-all activists who continue to try and convince society gay is good and that God made them that way, and everyone should feel so sorry for them because they've been discriminated against and have been bullied.  I can tell you right now there is no bigger bully than a gay activist demanding their so-called rights.
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'I strove to fathom this problem... until I pierced the mysteries of God...'
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So.  Believe it or not, I know what I'm talking about.  However, by some miracle of grace I was not able to continue long in compromising my faith and betraying my conscience, 'to sell my birthright for a meal', as it were.  To be sure I know what the struggle entails if you want to be genuinely faithful, to be in communion with the Roman Catholic Church.  I have learned from experience that as Teresa of Avila said, 'prayer cannot be coupled with self-indulgence':  Likewise, one cannot engage in homosexual acts and remain in the state of grace.  Similarly one cannot condone or support the gay lifestyle and agenda and remain faithful to Roman Catholic teaching.  Yet I'll never say one can't be Catholic, because just claiming to be Catholic is no guarantee of salvation - no matter how traditional the liturgical pomp and circumstance.
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'And so when my heart grew embittered...' 
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I know what it is to be discriminated against as well.  It's part of the cross.  Even those who one would imagine should be your friends whisper and speculate about you.  It doesn't matter if you are faithful or not.  The self righteous gossip and slander you.  After monastic life, I tried to avoid any public work in association with Catholic groups, even renouncing an active participation in the Third Order or taking up the collection in the local parish.  At times it made me angry and I blamed others for it, eventually I understood it was necessary to avoid giving scandal.  I think it is human nature to blame others for our weakness, our inconsistencies, and our failures.  Sometimes we lash out and 'protest too much' - but in my case, that was how I came to understand what was and what was not my responsibility.  Forgoing active participation despite the protests of volunteer-do-gooders and idealistic pastors, it was necessary for me not to be involved.  Sometimes one's active participation is more spiritual and therefore silent and hidden.
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'Yet I was always in your presence...'  
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Sadly, for others who struggle to be faithful, they simply can't understand the paradox of being 'damned if you do and damned if you don't'.  I'm talking about faithful Catholics with SSA, who accept the Church's teaching and face bigotry both in the pews and from active gay people.  It's a double-cross.  It is part of the whole cross - a penitent needs to understand that - without self pity, or seeking affirmation or praise for their conversion.  If they demand special recognition they are making the same mistake as gay rights people are making.
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'All those who abandon you will perish...'
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Finally, the Holy Father recently said that every Catholic needs a spiritual director.  God bless him.  I hope he realizes I've had many whose counsels, if I followed them would land me in hell.  I've had confessors I needed to beg to give me absolution despite the fact they told me I had not sinned.  The Church is infiltrated.
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+++

To be near God is my happiness...
Though I said in my alarm,
'How useless to keep my heart pure.'
Then I said:
'If I should speak like that,
I should betray the race of your sons.'
I have made God my refuge.
I will tell of your works
at the gates of Zion.

+++
      


"Yes, I would say that the homosexual network is alive and "well" here in the U.S. - and worldwide. Queer theology has permeated many of the seminaries and chanceries. And now, homosexual "marriage" is making inroads. Gay is good, you see.Not that the American church can be blamed entirely for the advancement of the homosexual agenda; there are other factors that must be taken into consideration. But it isn't much of a stretch to say that "gay-friendly" bishops, along with "gay-friendly" priests, along with "gay-friendly" theologians, along with "gay-friendly" chancery bureaucrats, along with "gay-friendly" teachers, along with "gay-friendly" politicians, have facilitated this advancement in recent years." - Matt Abbott

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Fresco: Ascension, Basilica di San Clemente, Rome  "No ruined wall no exile" - Someday... but not at this stage in history.  For me images of the ruins of old churches tell the story of what has happened to the faith in our century.

27 comments:

  1. Your voice is so needed in this world, Terry. Thank God, you continue to speak on your blog, esp. about this issue. Don't you ever doubt you are doing God's work.

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  2. Georgette--I could not agree more.

    Terry. This post of yours is a testament to your faith and the one true Faith. Fr. Martin is dangerous for precisely the reasons you note: he is so likeable. I have been banned at America for taking him on. Confront him or anyone else at America and one can expect a "thrashing", as someone put it. Fr. Hardon said that we have given hersey a new name: dissent. We can't call things by their names anymore because sin is now a "right".

    All the "dissdent theologians" are a rose by any other name. All the "God science", as I call it, is just Satan dressed up in another outfit.

    The propganda that priests push, and have pushed for forty years, have led us down this dark path. I have been very angry at Jesuits who are always at the helm leading others into sin, but recently have begun to see them as victims, Fr. Martin included. They have been taught lies. When you say that " there is no bigger bully that a gay activist demanding their rights", you could not possibly be more accurate. Fr. Martin et al believe, that St Teresa was wrong. They think you can couple self- indulgence and prayer. I watched a program on EWTN last night. A nun w/ SOLT quoted Fulton Sheen. Sheen said you can't pray the rosary and sin. Sooner or later one or the other has to go. They want Catholicism without the Cross. What you understand is the we all have a Cross that was designed especially for us and no one else. I have a large regard for your efforts.

    BTW, my father always used to say, those who would share in the joy of Easter must also share in its passion. They want Easter Sunday w/ out Good Friday...

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  3. Terry-- you touched on a good point and that is bigotry, reaching out in so many areas..through much of my military it was "assumed" that I was lesbian, becasue I didn't sleep around, wasn't married, and most of the time didn't have a steady boyfriend--not that I didn't try, but I had other personal goals at the time. Add in the fact that I worked out in the gym ALOT--I ahd to be strong for my job--and tht I was actually GOOD inmy job that for so many years had beenalmost exclsively a man's job...So I MUST be a lesbian :) Believe me there were folks trying to "out" me--this was before "Don't ask Don't tell"--any way they could. Which would cost me my career and end up with a dishonorable discharge..

    Back then I really worried what people thought about me...now I don't care..but I also work for the Federal Government where there is EEO, where I can be a straight single Catholic gal with no family and that is not held against me. And I can do my work and get paid a decent wage for my work without worrrying about "appearances." I really feel for my LGBT friends who have to struggle daily for their basic civil rights, especially in Utah being a "right to work" state, which basically means they can fire you for any reason. One of my straight friends and her roomie got evicted from their apartment because the neighbors assumed they were gay because their kids were asking "How come two ladies are living together?" rather than telling their kids that they need to mind their own business. i just LUV the nosey neighbors..

    I could rant all day but it is Ascension and Sunday :) And the sun is shining and it is 85 degrees..need to go outside and get sunburned..

    Sara

    PS the Pride Festival is this weekend in Salt Lake City :) Yes we do have one in Utah :)

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  4. excellent post, terry. i wish you lived next door. we could sit on the back porch, enjoy a bottle of vignoles with pears, some dinah washington, and listen to the cicadas.

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  5. michael r.6:44 PM

    Count me in db...

    Glad someone else(Maria) saw the young nun on EWTN. I believe her name may be Sr. Miriam, and the program was The Rock, which I rarely see. I thought she was just about the best guest I have ever seen on any EWTN program. I think I want to join her order; it sounds like they have both men and women. What an inspiration she is!

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  6. Michael. She was, indeed, terrific.

    So Michael: Great quote. Are you going to tell us?

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  7. Pablo--by basic civil rights I mean being able to be employed and be able to rent an apartment (secure safe affordable housing). I should have used the term human rights instead. I apologize if I used the wrong words and led to confusion. Our Holy Father Benedict XVI has spoken much on worldwide fundamental human rights, for all peoples of the world... and that was what I was thinking of. We still have alot of religious bias (if you're not Mormon you're not sh*t) here in Utah, and hate crimes are steadily growing....we have a hate crime bill but it has no teeth in it.

    My mother in her day as a working gal in the 50's rallied continuously for women's rights in the workplace--employment for divorce, wodowed, and single mothers, more equitable pay for men and women doing the same job, a woman not losing her job to a man "because he needs the job to support his family.", women not losing their jobs just because they got married or got pregnant. She made alot of enemies...but all of us working women can thank women like her who led the charge. I would not be working the job I am in today without her and other womens' effort in this area. I am following in her footsteps in another cause for human rights. I look to the Holy Father as my guide and example.

    I am not saying that I am accepting of the homosexual lifestyle. I am saying that as people they have the right to obtain and keep employment and safe housing. Just like the rest of us.

    Sara

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  8. Terry; More ftom Redemptor hominis... Thought of Fr Martin et al...

    "Every theologian must be particularly aware of what Christ himself stated when he said: "The word which you hear is not mine but the Father's who sent me"152. Nobody, therefore, can make of theology as it were a simple collection of his own personal ideas, but everybody must be aware of being in close union with the mission of teaching truth for which the Church is responsible".

    Priests who are not prayerful are not in union w/ Christ and so can't convey the Truth, it would seem...

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  9. Happy Ascension Day, Terry.

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  10. "... I am saying that as people they have the right to obtain and keep employment and safe housing. Just like the rest of us..."

    'They' also have the right as Catholics to enter the confessional and beg forgiveness for any act outside of marriage that they have committed.

    Same as me.

    If I have sex outside of the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony, I am in mortal sin.

    Depraved acts bring about the diabolical, the more depraved and continuous, the more diabolical appear and evtrench.

    As an aside; the drug problem in Mexico has become so depraved and continuous, the diabolical has appeared to such an extent Exorcists perform exorcism rituals not just on the homes where a drug lord is captured, but also on the whole community.

    Sexual diviants bring about diabolical presences also.

    People need to take off the rose colored glasses and wake up to the fact there are consequences to mortal sin.

    *

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  11. Utah has a very small Catholic population--around 8-9 percent...mainly concentrated in the northern metropolitan areas. The large increase of the Hispanic population of the past few year have actually almost doubled our population percentage numbers. A few tiny little mission churches in Central and southern Utah. We are ripe mission territory. :)

    It would be very safe to say that the vast majority of the LGBT community in Utah are NOT Catholic or had any kind of Catholic upbringing...the vast majority of them are probably of LDS (Mormon) upbringing or other faiths--Unitarian Universalits are popular here, as well as those of no faith...many are out of state college students..they will not be standing in line for the confessional anytime soon...

    Sara

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  12. michael r.7:32 AM

    Maria, not sure which quote you are referring to -- the one the co-host asked her to repeat a couple of times? I found this on her own blog(Nun-Essential), and it sounds similar to what she said on the air, but it's not the exact quote:
    "No matter what we do to our appearance, true acceptance and transformation takes place by the healing power of Jesus in the depths of our heart and soul.

    Bishop Fulton Sheen said something along the lines of "the beauty on the outside never permeates within, but the beauty within radiates on the face."

    May we all know that we are truly beautiful because God created us that way.

    It takes a lot of courage to live and be the people God created us to be- but, is there any other way to really live?


    I heard a song lyric that stated, "everybody dies but not everybody lives"
    Posted by Sr. Miriam James

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  13. Terry,
    I'm struggling to find the words to express thanks for a wonderful post.

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  14. Hahaha. You started with "I wonder why I bother to blog about the things I do..."

    ...and then a million superb words later...

    One of the best Cathblog posts and ensuing threads I've read in a long time.

    Oh hey and Dinah Washington, too.

    "Trust in me..."

    It was No.1 in Jerusalem's charts in 33AD you know.

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  15. Muichael-Sr. Miriam quoted Sheen. Sheen said that you can't pray the rosary and sin. Sooner or later one or the other has to go. Thanks for the other quote.

    Michael- God sees all your efforts...

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  16. michael r.8:21 PM

    Thanks, Maria! I have been a fan of Archbishop Sheen for most of my life(read all of his books and listened to many of his tapes), and I certainly agree with the efficacy of praying the rosary. I have been using it a lot lately. I am facing another major brain surgery this Friday for a stubborn grade 4 glioblastoma. I know I will be fine if I can persevere to the end with the grace of faith. God bless you!

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  17. michael r,

    Three Hail Marys for you.

    Remember us as you go into surgery Friday.

    We will be praying for you.

    pablo

    *

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  18. Oh, Michael! I am SO sorry. You know, I have prayed for you ( and will cetainly continue to do so. I remembered your telling us about your tremors, and pain too. Are you in pain? Was it Sr. Miriam who said that praying the rosary is like holding Mary's hand. She will protect you, Michael..

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  19. Michael R. - prayers for you - united in prayer.

    Terry

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  20. "... I have been a fan of Archbishop Sheen..."

    My Priest and Confessor likewise is in Archbishop Sheen's fan club.

    He is arriving in New York this Friday, and after visiting Mother Cabrini, will go by Saint Patrick's to pray at the tomb of Archbishop Sheen.

    If you don't mind, I will ask Padre to say a few Hail Marys for you there.

    *

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  21. UK prayers for you too, Michael. Three Hail Marys just.

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  22. michael r.11:50 AM

    Thank you for the prayers, and know that I will offer up all of my prayers for the readers of this blog, which has meant so much to me for the past six or seven years. It has carried me right through a lot of health obstacles, and hopefully kept me focused on the real important thing in life –God Alone….and to Hell with the general media portrayal of life! That is also the message of that young Sr. Miriam, that I responded to. Re Sheen, somehow I seem to remember him expressing a wish in one of his talks that I heard when I was 16 or 17 that he might expire in front of the Blessed Sacrament. I guess I’ve always wished for the same thing, to the extent of trying to convince priests to let me sleep in church…:) Still praying for that kind of grace. My family and friends are praying for the intercession of Bl.JPII, since he needs a 2nd miracle. I have myself prayed that a miracle go to someone more deserving—like a young seminarian with an inoperable brain tumor. I could still survive my surgery and what comes next, and still be able to attend the canonization in Rome. To answer someone’s question, I am not in any particular pain. It is more of a chronic nuisance. I have stroke-like symptoms on my left side—no feeling in my left foot or hand. Lot’s of stumbling around. Probably look like I’m drunk for the first time in my life…:) I am still able to see and speak. I am not afraid at all, so please don’t worry about me. +God’s blessings to all of you.

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  23. "...I am not afraid at all, so please don’t worry about me..."

    michael r, we are not worried about you, we pray God grant you the grace of final preserverance, and that you remember us if you are granted Heaven.

    Everyone dies. There are very few that 'die with their boots on' as we say here.

    Our prayers are for God's graces upon all His children, especially those most in need of God's mercy, as Miss Julie reminded me.

    I just asked the mother of two Priests to pray for you.

    We are proud of you, michael r.

    Even more so, I think our Mother is also.

    Adios

    *

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  24. michael r,

    I got chastized by a Priest for taking lightly a serious emergency surgery I was to have.

    He said we can die in a breath of time, but when things are out of our hands, we need to realize even more so our mortality.

    I could be dead before anyone of us.

    God only knows.

    It would be good if you had a miracle for His Holiness Pope John Paul II.

    We will pray for it with you.

    *

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  25. Michael R--Bishop Sheen died in from of the Blessed Sacrament.

    " And after years of theological reflection and all kinds of nuances,the third and highest level of humility or generosity is the willingness to suffer, to follow Christ in suffering, where no sin is involved. And of course there is no logic left on that level; you are in the realm of pure faith. My motive for wanting to follow Christ in suffering is because that's what God became man to do for me. God came into the world to die; He was born that He might be able to suffer and endure. And if He had joy set before Him and He chose the cross, on this level I will choose the cross. And the best part is if I really make the choice, honestly, I can enjoy the enterprise. And once you enjoy suffering you've made it".
    --Fr. Hardon SJ

    He died on bone cancer, Michael. Pray to him.

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  26. @Maria, thanks for posting the Hardon quote. "...the willingness to suffer, to follow Christ in suffering, where no sin is involved." Lord, oh hear that prayer!

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  27. You are most welcome, Owen.

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