Wednesday, June 24, 2009

New Age Catholicism

It's not just for liberation-progressive-rainbow-coalition-male/female-nuns anymore.
.
I was at adoration this afternoon - I try to keep Wednesdays as a day of recollection. I like it when I'm the only one in the church. As it turned out, one of the local mystics was there with me today. (I blame the charismatic community at Regina high school in the early '70's for all this crap, including the protestantization of South Minneapolis parishes - but that is another post.)
.
I didn't know my new friend was a mystic - he wouldn't even acknowledge me in the past, but today was the day he decided to talk, and he told me all about it for over an hour. Evidently She (the Holy Spirit) wanted him to reveal these things to me today. I listened patiently, smiling and nodding, and at the first opportunity I said politely, "Well thanks for stopping to talk, but we shouldn't be having a conversation while the Blessed Sacrament is exposed."
.
"Oh that's all right," he interrupted, "He told me it was okay. He wants us to talk in front of Him." And he started in again before I could say anything. I smiled and looked in his general direction and prayed my rosary silently while he spoke, offering an occasional nod as if I was listening. Another person came in and I whispered, "Now we really should stop so as not to disturb that poor lady."
.
"Naw! She knows me and knows all about this stuff." And without stopping for a breath, he continued on before I could reason with him. I smiled and appeared to listen in peace while I quietly prayed my rosary, although I was greatly agitated. Did you know agitation is often a sign of a bad spirit, and not just a lack of patience?
.
Finally he had to leave to eat supper, "or the wife's gonna be pissed", it was about 4PM. I just stared at the monstrance after he left. I was completely stunned. I thought, "Why me Lord, why do I attract these people?"
.
It is the story of my life. It is why I never get involved in church crap. All the visionaries and locutionists seem to be attracted to me and tell me all about their wack job revelations. I'm not kidding - if they aren't having private revelations, they've got a conspiracy theory, or they discovered theology of the body and love supercedes morality. But I digress. So today this guy - who looks perfectly normal mind you - told me how the Father revealed to him that the AC/DC are amongst us already. I didn't ask, but he told me what that meant: The anti-Christ and his demonic-companion, but he would not - could not at this time, reveal their identity. Like I said, I didn't ask. He sees demons and angels all the time and has been caught up into heaven too many times to tell - out of body - and the devil is scared of him. In fact he was just in Starbucks the other night with one of his prophet friends when a "really, really handsome guy came in" and it was Satan incognito. The evil one came over and asked he and his friend if they were homosexuals...
.
Why O Lord do you permit this crap?
.
Then get this. After adoration the woman who had walked in on the session came up to me to find out what he said to me, and without going into detail, I said it was mystical BS. She said, "Well I don't know about that - it might be true - but I told him not to talk about that stuff during adoration." I looked at Our Lady's statue in desperation and silently pleaded, "Mother of God, am I imagining this? Oh never mind, don't answer that!"
.

Holy crap! I've gotta get a new parish.

.

PEOPLE! Stop all this Medjugorje-private-revelation-Jesus-tells-me-stuff bullshit.

.

No wonder nonreligious people don't want anything to do with religion.

21 comments:

  1. Thanks for the laugh! I had no idea it was Regina that was the problem, though in high school I had friends who went to school there. All I remember is that re-gee-na is the queen, re-gih-na is in Saskatchewan.

    While I don't attract mystics, I do attract whack-jobs and those who share all with complete strangers so can sympathize.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I agree with you: you do attract weird people! Or maybe you are not mystic enough? Or is it the Minnesota air? but it was a funny story. Are you sure it was not a nightmare?

    My atheist spouse would also agree with you: ""Your people" are nuts!".

    ReplyDelete
  3. Terry, LOL (sorry). You've definitely got my adoration hour stories beat. I always get something like the church-cleaning committee coming in. They try to guilt me because I'm younger than they are, and ought to be helping. I tell them they have a cleaning charism and I don't, if they don't believe it just look at my house.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I hope this type of thing only happens on your side of the river! Glad I never go in Starbucks. Seriously though, I laughed so hard my kids were looking at me wondering what was going on :) Wishing you a better time next week at Adoration.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I know this post reads like a joke - but it is all so true. I guess it is funny now that it's over.

    ReplyDelete
  6. At our parish we're careful to not even swish our coats or turn pages audibly during Adoration. Terry, you don't have to be over-nice to these people just because you're before the Lord. I think of Adoration as Jesus praying in Gethsemane --His worst time before the arrest. He asked if His disciples couldn't pray an hour with Him. That'd be the day I'd converse with even the dearest friend then. Just tell Captain Marvel you'll personally report him to the Pastor should he disturb you or anyone else again. If the Pastor is no threat, call the cops and tell them this man is disturbing the peace. Well, he is. I've often thought that Jesus had a real perception of all the people who would one day watch with Him an hour --I believe that may in part be what the angel brought Him for comfort. Just think of it as His depending upon you. Jesus does direct some wonky ones to His faithful, but never during Adoration.

    ReplyDelete
  7. C - thanks very much for that advice - I'm really edified - and I will use it next time.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Harborstar9:56 PM

    Hello Terry-

    In a small or a sure way... you recognize the gift.... Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament of Adoration. I fail often, because I'm selfish.

    The lonely, ill, addicted, and grevious don't have an excuse. They might be our reminder... Jesus lives!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Harborstar - I was trying to be charitable by letting the man talk as long as he wanted and I was praying for him as he did so, I offered the situation as my adoration. Everything was out of my control, as he became more excited about what he was telling me I thought - "Wow - if this guy is psychotic he might be capable of killing me if he thinks I'm a demon or something." And even though I felt uncomfortable as well as slightly agitated because of the imposition and substance of his conversation, I didn't show it and smiled and nodded and prayed the rosary silently, remembering how Christ walked in peace through the midst of his accusers.

    Nevertheless, I find talk about visions and locutions to be foolish and a waste of time, and now that I know this guy's schtick, I will let him know that and send him home to his wife.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I've got the oppposite end of the spectrum courting me - the rad trads who want to tack on a special adoration chapel to our (hopefully soon-to-be-renovated) church. It's getting to the point where I don't want to go anywhere or do anything anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  11. +JMJ+

    And I'm not being courted at all! =P

    Maybe it's the mantilla, but people pretty much leave me alone.

    Terry, when I was in uni, I knew one of these "mystics" (who preferred to call herself a "charismatic"--possibly because she was an Evangelical). She never "revealed" anything to me, but she freaked a sensitive (Catholic) friend of mine out a lot. Some of her interpretations of Scripture were . . . Well, let's just say it was nothing a good dose of the Magisterium couldn't have cured in a second.

    What I don't like about the "mystics" and "charismatics" we are discussing here is that they never see the need to submit their private revelations to a higher authority. That's just dodgy.

    ReplyDelete
  12. It could be a book: "Terry Nelson and the Mad Mystics of Minnesota". I'd buy it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. ...WOW...
    I haven't been in the church long enough to see any of this firsthand, though I've encountered some of the crazy on the internet.

    I don't attract funny crazies--I attract leeches and stalkers. Blech.

    ReplyDelete
  14. How bout grunting "Let all mortal flesh keep silent," at him next time?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Anonymous8:52 AM

    I've heard mixed things about Medjugorje. Is it definately false? Has the Church declared anything one way or the other?

    ReplyDelete
  16. marnie9:39 AM

    Gee, it seems everyone has a story to tell but me. I go, I pray, I come home. All I have at my parish are uncognito Catholics.

    Truth be told, 9 times out of 10 I'm there by myself.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Anon: I'm not really slamming Medj - just some of the enthusiasts who come back and start having their own messages.

    The authenticity of the apparitions has not been established. I know many solid and devout people who believe the messages from there, but I've never been attracted to it.

    I once thought the apparitions were authentic when a very holy woman gave me a rosary from there and said a few things to me, later I understood that it was the woman's sanctity which impressed me, not the apparitions.

    The rosary she gave was one that had turned 'gold' at Medj. That didn't impress me however. Whatever happened to it caused the base metal - which is brass - to be revealed. It wasn't supernatural, similar things happened at other false apparition sites: San Damiano, Italy, Bayside, NY, Necedah Wisconsin, and so on.

    People get all excited about stuff like that. Heaven isn't interested in turning metals into gold.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Terry, I think you'd be interested in a wonderfully grounded article by Fr. Dwight Longenecker in the July-August issue of This Rock magazine. He talks about how we shouldn't automatically disbelieve, but that we shouldn't allow visions, apparitions, incorruptibles and such to terribly impress us. As he says, "The Catholic approach to weird happenings is to cultivate a kind of skeptical, yet open-minded curiousity - neither falling into open-mouthed credulity nor maintaining a cynical disbelief." After all, the greatest miracle already happened - our God became man and died for our sins.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Thanks Red! - I'm sure Fr. L's article is very good - but I'm not interested in anything but what the Church approves and recomends. Simple and ordinary is just fine with me.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Excellent post, Terry.
    Very timely for me. Our parish was just combined with a "charismatic" parish....imagine that for just a second.
    It's worse than you can imagine.
    Signed, I get crabby in the summer :>

    ReplyDelete
  21. God still tells people things. I cant figure out why he does though. This post was very helpful to me. I learned it's importiant to keep your mouth shut about such things, but why then would God tell people things if we are not to help others with this information?
    Well one reason is because we are not approved and we must never lead others from Christ. I am also concerned about contradictions to church teaching or with the bible.
    I find this stuff very confusing.
    ........................
    If someone began speaking to me in front of the blessed exposed sacrament I would have dismissed them. It's rude and for a couple of reasons too. Charasmatics think that they can say and do what ever the heck that they feel the "Spirt" leads them to say or do and that is why I left them. There was no discipline and they were/are never in the confession line either. What struck me first about them is that when I was in need they wouldn't help, but the trads would help. They would help someone else even at a personal loss. I just wanted to belong to a Catholic group and they were the ones that accepted me. However, don't ask them to assist you in your hour of need. Their religion is about feeling good.
    I will post about this on my blog when I get time.
    So Mr. Terry do ya wanna hear about this dream that I had??? Hum??

    ReplyDelete


Please comment with charity and avoid ad hominem attacks. I exercise the right to delete comments I find inappropriate. Be sure and double check if your comment posted after you do the verification deal - sometimes it doesn't print if you made an error.