I have put on weight and that is why I'm not hanging out with people these days.
Third Rock was just about my all time favorite show.
I dont even need Mr.Frosty smooth. My best friends sister use to grow her own drugs in her bedroom. Their Dad was a sculpter from the K.C art institute. So it was okay.(she turned out pretty bad)So when those Russian nukes begin to fly ,no worry I place fresh cream ,finely granulated sugar, and real vanilla beans from madagascar, into a quart size glass mason jar. then I place an inch of ice in the bottom of a empty #10 can. Place the jar inside of the can with salt and ice, and then sit at the computer with my favorite tennis shoes (for evacuation purposes),and watch all of the breaking news while I roll the can back and forth for about 20-30 minutes. (Rocking back and forth kind of like Sybil you know the woman with 17 personalities.) Problem is that everyone can only get about a spoonful ,and that will hardly get me through an armegeddon... My winter pants are sooo tight. I must do something. My brother lost 50 lbs since Feb. He eats oatmeal for breakfast ,and lunch, and toast for dinner. Every day! Hum.
Dear Mr.Frosty Smooth, I regret to inform you that I must end our relationship. I am going to miss you, but we just can't keep seeing each other. I am sick of the lies like, "oh no one will ever find out" or "your jeans wont really get tighter" or my favorite line "your getting the calcium that your body needs" , but the worst line was "oh you NEED me".You have been such a liar. I am so ashamed of our little get togethers, especially our sick twisted early morning visits with Mr.Crackle when my children would walk by us and ask "what are you doing?" I would always lie ,and say um "nothing ,what are you doing?" I am so sorry for our secret meetings, in the closet,or while driving my car, and those times when I was hunched over the computer screen pretending that I am a computer geek ,and you are Mr Freeze!! Let's face it I mean nothing to you , and in the end you will betray me. When I am in a hospital bed with coronary heart disease you wont even notice or care that I am gone, you'll be chilling in some hot new babes freezer just waiting until she needs you. Pretending that you care.I am sorry for the money that I have wasted on you, your such a player ,and I should have known. I will send Mr.Crackle who is hiding in my right hand desk drawer on his way too. I have found a new friend. Oh I could never love him as I once loved you , but I really want to avoid my parents (both) diabetes.It just wont be the same without you ,but I wont miss having to talk to my Priest about you . Yep lets face it ,we were outta control. You need to take your ice chest, your insulated thermos, and you chill pack and scram. I dont want you to send me any of your coupons, or your buy one get one free deals ,and no more bells and whistles from your icecream trucks as I drive by either ....Here is your replacement. I don't really like him ,but maybe in time he will grow on me....http://gattacainc.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/thespunkercomgreengiant.jpg
FYI, Crackle is that chocolate syrup concoction that hardens on icecream. Gods gift to the free world.
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