Thursday, June 28, 2007

Breaking News! St. Paul Librarian Under Investigation!

Stats, lies, and the Internet.

An as yet unnamed St. Paul librarian is under investigation by Library Security, the FCC, and FBI for unauthorized use of Library computers with the intention to defraud the public. It is rumored that she has worked in tandem with a former female police officer from the Northern Suburbs in a scam to defraud Internet users.
Details are sketchy, but a source revealed these two hatched an online scam to "cook the books" when it came to blog stats, the number of hits, comments, etc., to possibly increase readership and popularity. The investigation is focused solely upon Internet misuse using Library equipment, although one source suggested there may be an implication of monetary gain, or perhaps a deal for an online (U-Tube) or TV reality show. A Library Administrator said he could make no comment concerning the investigation except to say, "This is just the tip of the iceberg I'm afraid - every computer in the five county area - the entire system - has been employed in this scam."
An investigative computer analyst remarked that these women, if the allegations are true, are quite possibly the masterminds behind one of the most ingenious cyber scams ever devised, explaining to this reporter, "They devised a way to reroute comments and user stats from countless blogs and feed them into their own sites. They were also able to hack into every single Library computer in the 5 county area, even college and university computers, to manipulate hits on their own websites."
The suspects investigators are looking at have been described by one frightened Library coworker as "the typical "Thelma and Louise" types, they hate men - they want all men off the Internet. She (name withheld) is a psychopath!" Another, obviously traumatized Library worker, who claims he worked for the suspect, tearfully whispered through the Kleenex he held, "She's the Kathy Bates of library science - did you ever see "Misery"?" The poor man then broke down, sobbing.


  1. Shouldn't this be labeled under "Humour?"

  2. Did you think it was funny then? ;)

  3. So THAT'S where all my readership stats have gone...

    (which hemisphere was that again?)

  4. I know Rhaps - it is a sad state of affairs. By any chance, were you asking what planet I'm on?

  5. No, Terry, I'M asking what planet you are from?

    I'm hacking into your computer as I type this.

  6. I hope you are aware this comment may be used as evidence against you.

    What people won't do just to up their stats! What has blogging come to? Is it worth it Cath? Is it?


Please comment with charity and avoid ad hominem attacks. I exercise the right to delete comments I find inappropriate. If you use your real name there is a better chance your comment will stay put.