"If I collapse, someone is sure to find me." -Therese of Lisieux on being sick. (Reminds me of Cyndi Lauper's song.)
Last night I did collapse and a friend found me. I fainted after a sharp pain and coughing while attempting to post last night. It was so weird. The last thing I remember is leaning over in my chair, then I awakened to find myself on the floor, dreaming about what I had been posting, hearing someone call my name. I had no idea as to what happened or how long I had been unconscious.
My face was scraped a bit, my jaw knocked out of line, and my left elbow sore and swollen, with a pounding headache. I was rather disoriented as well. I refused to go to the hospital and went to bed instead.
Today I felt pain, dizziness, and just plain sick. I decided not to go to the ER because the wait was a couple of hours - or so I had been told the day before. I made an appointment with my regular Dr. instead.
The fainting isn't that unusual, indeed it has happened before - I just worry it could happen when I'm driving. The sharp pain in the chest indicates more heart stuff - not a heart attack - but something called pericarditis. It's like an inflammation - viral perhaps, that's causing a fever and other things. It's not so serious. It could also be related to the fact I've been on antibiotics going on the second month now. My health is like a soap opera. The worst part is being a burden, as well as a disappointment to others.
"We would like never to fall. What an illusion! What does it matter, my Jesus, if I fall at every moment? I come to recognize by it how weak I am and that is gain for me. You see by that how little I am able to do and You will be more likely to carry me in your arms. If you do not do so, it is because you like to see me prostrate on the ground. Well, then, I am not going to worry, but I will always stretch out my suppliant arms toward You with great love. I cannot believe You would abandon me." (Letter to Celine, April 26, 1889)