Thursday, December 28, 2006

"If you fall I will catch you--I'll be waiting - time after time"


"If I collapse, someone is sure to find me." -Therese of Lisieux on being sick. (Reminds me of Cyndi Lauper's song.)
Last night I did collapse and a friend found me. I fainted after a sharp pain and coughing while attempting to post last night. It was so weird. The last thing I remember is leaning over in my chair, then I awakened to find myself on the floor, dreaming about what I had been posting, hearing someone call my name. I had no idea as to what happened or how long I had been unconscious.
My face was scraped a bit, my jaw knocked out of line, and my left elbow sore and swollen, with a pounding headache. I was rather disoriented as well. I refused to go to the hospital and went to bed instead.
Today I felt pain, dizziness, and just plain sick. I decided not to go to the ER because the wait was a couple of hours - or so I had been told the day before. I made an appointment with my regular Dr. instead.
The fainting isn't that unusual, indeed it has happened before - I just worry it could happen when I'm driving. The sharp pain in the chest indicates more heart stuff - not a heart attack - but something called pericarditis. It's like an inflammation - viral perhaps, that's causing a fever and other things. It's not so serious. It could also be related to the fact I've been on antibiotics going on the second month now. My health is like a soap opera. The worst part is being a burden, as well as a disappointment to others.
"We would like never to fall. What an illusion! What does it matter, my Jesus, if I fall at every moment? I come to recognize by it how weak I am and that is gain for me. You see by that how little I am able to do and You will be more likely to carry me in your arms. If you do not do so, it is because you like to see me prostrate on the ground. Well, then, I am not going to worry, but I will always stretch out my suppliant arms toward You with great love. I cannot believe You would abandon me." (Letter to Celine, April 26, 1889)

13 comments:

  1. wow, i am so sorry you experienced this! i have never fainted and would never relish the thought of doing so...

    i understand what you said all too well: My health is like a soap opera. The worst part is being a burden, as well as a disappointment to others. i don't know that we are the disappointments, but our health and ability to *do* things can be.

    (frequent reader through bloglines/infrequent commenter/new pray-er on your behalf)

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  2. Clare2:45 PM

    I wondered (and missed you) when you didn't post last night....

    Now I'm calling in the three big Doctors for you - Sts. Therese, Teresa and John! May the Master bid Therese to send you a rose in reply.

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  3. I've wondered about the Medical School degree that you have and how you got it, still having time for the other stops on your Spiritual Journey.

    Fortunately, with that degree, you always have an expert in the room with you so there can be no doubt as to the meaning of all those aches and pains.

    Blockhead!

    I know whereof I speak, having driven myself to the emergency room three times with heart problems. resulting in hospital stays.

    I've been lucky.

    Maybe you have too. Next time go see a doctor right away.

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  4. I have only recenlty discovered your blog, but have quickly come to appreciate you as a cherished companion on my journey. Please take care of yourself!!! I really believe that God still has MUCH MORE planned for you in this world, and many people have much to learn from you.

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  5. Prayers for you, Terry!

    When are you going to the doctor? Can someone take you?

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  6. Oh, Terry, I just got in from NYC where I had to go to pick up my visa. I read your e–mail and then went straight to your blog to read this! My dear friend! Please, please, take care of yourself. I hold you fast in my poor prayer.

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  7. michael7:30 PM

    I'll add my voice to the chorus. We are all praying for you, Terry, but you must be proactive with your health. 'MUCH MORE planned for you' is putting it exactly right. A lot of people are depending on the work you do here. By coincidence, I just finished re-viewing 'Therese' the 1986 french film bio. That film is simply exquisite. I pray that Therese showers you with blessings.

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  8. Thank you one and all!
    My health problems are indeed my fault. John of the Cross said for every sin there is some chstisement.
    St.Francis lamented at the end of his life how harshly he had treated his body - yet he did so through penance.
    Alas, mine has been selfish self-indulgence, so it is good for me to suffer something for my sins.
    Again, I am so sorry it affects others.
    Thank you for your prayers. I am not so concerned about my health, but rather I die in the state of grace - a happy death, as we Catholics refer to it.

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  9. Terry, my goodness! I wish I had read this before I want to Mass tonight so I could have offered it..so I'm offering retroactively now. I have it on good authority that God is timeless!

    Pericarditis...inflammation of the pericardium. That has the potential to be serious, but at the least very painful. You should indeed take care of yourself!

    And Ray...what IS it with men who refuse to go to doctors?! Especially with heart problems! You shape up and call an ambulance if you need to!

    OK, that's it...now it's official. I'm not even a mother and apparently I'm a mother. This must be what they mean by maternal instinct. But SOMEONE has to tell you guys how to care for yourselves! Sheesh!

    God bless you...you are in my prayers, as always.

    And Terry...you have a medical degree? MD? Or different?

    This is news.

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  10. Thanks Adoro - I'm going to sleep with my relic of Therese tonight - I'll tell her about you.

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  11. Oh gosh, Terry, please do not ignore these signs. I got an email just today from a friend of ours back home whose 30 year old son died suddenly of an anurism-induced heart attack. He complained of a headache all day and dizziness, his mom said. Then he just died. It is a shock. Please pray for her (deaths are hard on moms no matter how old their kids are) and for all their huge Italian Catholic family, God bless them.

    I'm keeping you in my prayers as well. And please. see. a. doctor. immediately.

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  12. Terry: You are in my prayers.

    Now I'm going to mirror what Adoro said: Hey, men, get thee to a doctor. Furthermore, DON'T drive thyself to the ER. My Dad did that several years ago and I never let him forget it. He learned from my nagging. It happened again and he took an ambulance. Do what I say. I will not be ignored..

    Love ya.

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  13. I will add you to my prayers as well.

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