Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Excerpts from my interview...


Jiminy Glick interviews me...
( This is a fantasy interview that was done at the Toronto Film Festival but landed on the cutting room floor - it's surprisingly current with todays issues however - how that happened is a mystery. This is transcribed from the audio by the well known Schwan audio services. JG is Jiminy and TN is me of course.)

JG: Well Terry, I have wanted to meet you for a long time. What brings you to Toronto?
TN: The Film Festival of course. You asked me here.
JG: Oh yes - you are correct of course. I was hoping you'd have something more original to say. Anyway, I understand you're blogging now days. Is that because no one will publish you?
TN: Pretty much.
JG: What do you blog about?
TN: Anything that comes to mind.
JG: (Laughs nervously.) Well, ahhhhh, Terry, can you be more specific? Doesn't your writing have a particular thrust? Do you have any agenda?
TN: Not really. (long, long pause.) Well I write about Catholic stuff. On the Rome-ing Catholics blog I write alot about saints and spirituality. On Abbey-Roads I'll do the same but I've gotten into writing about Catholic news items and controversies. I get to editorialize on my own without censorship, I can more or less say what I want and..."
JG: AHhemmmmm! (Jiminy interrupts me in mid-sentence)
TN: You just interru....
JG: Yes I know. But I want to stop you right there. You say you can say what you want - implying that there is no one to edit you. Is that correct?
TN: No. There are comments - people can contradict me or correct me. But I can say pretty much what I want, and when I review it, if it's out of line or I see I made a mistake, I can delete it.
JG: Like last week - the prediction that your local News channel was going to announce the new Bishop?
TN: Hey! I was just guessing like everyone else, only I was more emphatic than anyone else because I wanted to be first with the news.
JG: Okay then. So were you correct? No you were not. Were you embarrassed?
TN: You know so much, why don't you answer that.
JG: You don't have to get hostile.
TN: I'm not - did you ever hear my Cary Grant quote? He said, "Women always interpret a man's honesty as cruelty." I believe that was from "Philadelphia Story".
JG: Oh yes! (A glint of flaming recognition in his eyes!) That was the film where Katherine Hepburn said, "I carried Calla lilies on my wedding day and I'll carry them again today!"
TN: (Laughing wildly, choking and gasping words through tears and laughs.) You do her so well - it reminds me of Martin Short!
JG: Yes. Well back to the rumors. What have you heard this week?
TN: (Still laughing) It's still Bishop Aquila as far as I know. I heard Cardinal Arinze has been involved somehow, but I really forgot the details, also, the announcement probably will not be this week because of the Bishops meeting and also Bishop Sullivan died.
JG: Why do you think people are so interested in this matter? Do they dislike Archbishop Flynn?
TN: Some people may dislike him, but I think they misunderstand him. He has done some excellent things in this Archdiocese and has been very careful about preserving unity in the Church. One man cannot possibly undo all of the problems that have evolved since the Council.
Remember the parable of the tares and the wheat. Things take time, and after all, everything is guided by Divine Providence.
JG: Well, aren't you reconcilliatory this week!
TN: Yeah, I went to confession.
JG: So some people like him and some don't -
TN: Like who?
JG: Paul Reubens you idiot! Who do you think? We are talking about Archbishop Flynn -
TN: Well up yo - hey - I like him, so drop it. I feel sorry for him and can imagine he'd like to retire -
JG: Who? Peewee Herman?
TN: I thought you were talking about the Archbishop! Geesh!
JG: We were discussing him, yes. Let's move on however. How do you feel about all of this?
TN: About what?
JG: You are just about the worst interview I've ever done.
TN: And you are fat.
JG: And you're not? How many chins do you have? Let's see - one, two -
TN: Can we get back to the interview please?
JG: Well tell me about your son. I know he's not your real son, you just call him that because you wish you had a son, that's hard for you isn't it. I heard it is sort of like George and Martha in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Wolf".
TN: No, it's not really. But sometimes you get to have a friendship with someone and you really feel a sort of kinship with them. I actually have three guys I call my son, for fun of course, and I never believed for a second they were my son, although I love manic humor and so play around about it, but -
JG: (Interrupts) Yes, we get that. So these guys are not really your sons but they are friends? Yes? No? What is it?
TN: Well they are friends of a sort but not people I socialize with, I have a great deal of respect for them and like them and admire them. They would be perfect sons. Why are we talking about this?
JG: Well someone said you call these guys your sons and I just want to know about them.
TN: There's nothing much to say - they have all moved on and it was a fun relationship when they worked for me, but we've all moved on.
JG: So tell me, back to this blogging thing, why are you so into it?
TN: I don't know. It's fun to share ideas and my point of view.
JG: What do you think of Nicole Kidman?
TN: I don't think that much of her, her type of beauty, when she's made-up, is too pasty for my taste. I know nothing of who she is marrying but I've heard that she is being reconciled to the Catholic Church, I just hope she is sincere and perseveres.
JG: That is surely a sweet sentiment! Now what is your favorite blog?
TN: Abbey-Roads, I like the name - I love the name! "Abbey Road" was the Beatles album that most chronicles my life. But then I like the Cafeteria is Closed, as well as all the local blogs that ever mention me.
JG: What do you think of local Catholic publications?
TN: Pretty safe and boring.
JG: What about Catholic radio and TV?
TN: I'm not that interested.
JG: What is your favorite religious music?
TN: I don't really like religious music. I like chant but not to listen to but to pray.
JG: Are you a traditionalist then?
TN: I grew up with the so-called "old" Mass, and I like it. I do like the vernacular however. I like a quiet Mass, like the 6:30AM at St. Agnes. It seems more contemplative, to me at least. But I also like the "old" Mass. I really feel it's a mistake to say one is better than the other, or more holy. How can that be? It is the same sacrifice taking place isn't it? It's like the differentiation of a high Mass and a low Mass - does that mean a high Mass is holier? No of course not. Let's get off of this because I'm no authority and as Fr. "Z" would say I should be better informed when I speak.
JG: Speaking of traditional things, I hear you are not fond of chapel veils for women.
TN: That's so not true. But what is wrong with a scarf? Women don't wear scarves any longer. But chapel veils or mantillas are fine. I prefer black ones on older and married women, the white for young girls. I guess it's a woman's thing however, although I know some husbands who expect their wives to wear one. If I were a woman I would never wear one, but I would also keep my maiden name -
JG: (Gasps in disbelief!) Isn't that a sin?!
TN: Of course not you freak! But I don't think a woman has to cease being who she is - a marriage is two people becoming one, but what is wrong with keeping her maiden name, at least professionally?
Anyway - I don't want to discuss this because it bores me and I am single and never intend to marry.
JG: Okay, okayeee, (As he tries to cross his legs) let's talk about single life. A priest you know just said that he does not believe there is such a thing as a vocation to the single life, what do you say to that?
TN: He's wrong.
JG: He's wrong? Is that all you can say?
TN: Pretty much.
JG: Can't you elaborate? Can you defend your position on this?
TN: You know, this interview is just about the worst interview I have ever done. I'm so out of here! (As I pulled off my mic and walked off the set.)

End of interview.

2 comments:

  1. Geez, Terry- I'm glad you put this guy in his place:)

    I linked to this post- would you please check it? Let me know if you object to the image that I used- if you want me to, I'll change it.

    Thanks!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think Jiminy finally met his match!

    I bet that he'll be asking for a re-match. If you need a second in your corner, I'd be willing to serve.

    ReplyDelete

Anonymous comments will no longer be accepted.
Please comment with charity and avoid ad hominem attacks. I exercise the right to delete comments I find inappropriate. Be sure and double check if your comment posted after you do the verification deal - sometimes it doesn't print if you made an error.